Bi men and aging

I often mention do unto me as you want me to do unto you. I'm 72, so I understand where you are coming from. I'm the only one left in my immediate family also.

 

I lost Mom to "natural causes" in 2016, just after she turned 99.

I deeply mourn her passing with each waking moment, to this very day.

Dad passed at age 73 (of cancer) in 1980; one brother passed in 2001 (complications from diabetes), the other in 2013 (heart issues)

I know that when my time comes to "cash in my chips", the world simply is not going to grind to a screeching halt, just because a gray, gay old bachelor passed on.

The world simply goes on, regardless.

In thinking back to my friend Sam, you start to wonder at how many elderly gay men there are in this country, who are harassed and abused (and alone) and feel that they have no where to turn, no place to go.

I thank God that I was able to be a supportive and good friend Sam, despite nearly 1,000 miles between us.

I still miss the old fellow today.............

 

I think people that touch your heart and soul are always with us in remembrance. I know, both family and friends of mine who have long left this planet are always on my mind and in my heart.

 

Well said, my friend, and I agree 100%....always in our hearts, and always in our thoughts.............

 

..........I have a photo from about 2018 of my friend Sam, which he had sent me, along with the message: "Don't laugh!"

He could have easily been Bernie Sanders' twin brother!

He was holding onto his walker for dear life (I know he was TERRIFIED of losing his balance and falling); you could see that, despite his seemingly overall good health (at the time) he was a frail little man, who obviously would have been NO match for a gang of heartless young antagonists.

"I'm not a fighter.......no way could I take on even one of these guys", he once told me.

What I found VERY sad (and disturbing) was that, after at least four months of not being able to contact him, I FINALLY got through to someone at the administrative desk where he lived, I was informed of Sam's death by a man who really didn't seem to feel that there was any great loss, at informing me of his death.

If fact, his attitude was like, "Well, Mr. S is gone, what are you going to do......these thing happen."

My blood BOILED that day, to say the least.

How casually the death of an elderly gay man was dismissed.......

 

Actually, the administrator probably had become numb to the death of the residents. Since a home, such as they are, that deals with the elderly in their last days encounters death on a weekly basis it is a common and expected occurrence. Don't blame the man for being dismissive of Sam and his demise. Instead be happy that Sam had you paying attention to him in his last days. Memories Sam took to his grave.

 

Perhaps three or four weeks before my friend Sam "dropped off the radar", he said to me, "You've taught me what true friendship is."

To say I was both touched and humbled is putting it mildly.

At the time I had last spoken to him (I could see tell that he was beginning to have "issues" during our phone conversations; I could tell something was going on) I know I was the only friend he had, as the few other "regular buds" he had previously, all suddenly no longer had any time for him.

That had to hurt him.

I'm truly happy that I was there for him in his last days, even though I was a great distance away...........

 

.....even if my late friend Sam had been straight, the thought of an elderly man using a walker being targeted by a group of insensitive,ignorant lowlifes would still be a disgrace.

How so many misguided people can be so insensitive and callous towards the elderly is truly sad.....and sobering.

We all too often hear of abuse in nursing homes; despicable and sick.

ALL elderly people, regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation, deserve nothing less than to be treated with decency, dignity, and love..........

 

The year my mother passed at age 99, she had been hospitalized with heart issues; she then declined almost overnight, and could not even feed herself.

She then went to rehab for three months, where, after quite awhile, she finally made very good progress and was able to come home, for the last four months of her life (she had just turned 99)

Though she was in a very reputable facility, I still had thoughts of elder abuse preying on my mind; as I had no car (and bus connections less than stellar) I had to rely on other family members to take me out to visit her.

How relieved I was when she finally was back home; now, I could care for her, and not have to worry about anyone harming or mistreating her, which was, of course, my greatest fear.

To this day, I have no idea of exactly when my friend Sam passed; the last week we talked on the phone, I noticed that he was getting more and more disoriented, and would start talking about something totally disconnected from what we were talking about.

He also kept saying that he needed a good night's sleep.

Then, for at least two or three months, I kept on calling him each day (his phone had then not been disconnected), hoping he would, finally, pick up.....he never did.

It was obvious that he had either dementia or Alzheimers; neither one a pleasant prospect.

Even if someone was with him at then, more than likely, he was not aware of it.

How much in this life we take for granted.......

 

I truly thank you, my good friend, for your kind words of support....much appreciated.

Sam passed away (or, at least, that was when his passing was confirmed) almost a year to the day of Mom's passing.

We had both shared similar interests, and, until he began to decline, he had a sharp mind, a quick wit, and was a great conversationalist; we always had a lot of laughs.

He sure loved Italian food, and talking about dogs, as well as discussing classic authors and literature.

When Mom passed, I lost my one true purpose in life; she needed me as much as I needed her.

She loved me unconditionally, and was, and still is, my guardian angel.

I lost my last brother back in 2013, within weeks after losing my best friend, Jim.

I thank God for this forum; for, at least, with no other like-minded fellows to communicate with (either face-to-face or on the phone) I can share my thoughts and feelings, and "feel better", at least for the moment..............

 

"Age is but a number", so the old saying goes.

But, try telling that to an elderly senior (regardless of orientation) who is alone, and also suffering from ailments.

If aging is not all that pleasant an experience for a heterosexual male, rest assured it is far more trying for a gay/bi senior, especially if they are without a life partner to give support, strength, and love, during the rough times..........

 

.........while on the subject of aging, as it applies to bi/gay males, it is interesting to think of senior gay males whose life-partners are young enough to be their sons (or, in some cases, grandsons)

As would also be the case is such heterosexual partnerships (when there is a hefty gap in ages), it would seem that there must be not only a deep emotional connection, but also, a strong sexual chemistry, to keep the relationship "tight", monogomous, and meaningful...............

 

Some say: "Age is only a number".

Then why do so many of us, regardless of our sexuality, feel as though we are that much nearer to "the end of the line", with each passing year?

Aging is seldom pleasant for a senior,even with some form of "life partner".

It is, in all honesty, both daunting and frightening, for a man who is all alone, with no one to grow old with.........

 

Aging is NOT at all pleasant for far too many seniors, regardless of sexual orientation.

However, regarding gay/bi men and aging there are many complications which can arise, in so many aspects of daily life, that straight men are able to dodge.

A senior gay male who lacks a life partner, or, even a close, like-minded male friend, is, indeed, at a serious disadvantage.

Getting older is certainly not something to write home about; all we CAN do is to try and cope as best we can, and try to take things one day at a time.............

 

Papa:

Your words speak many volumes, for certain.

I've outlived my folks, my brothers, as well as my best buddy.

All of my aunts and uncles are gone, also, some cousins.

Time flies all too quickly (and silently).............

 

....something like that can easily fuel a married man's need for "experimenting" with other men, as a need for a sexual outlet.

Marriage be be QUITE a complex (and volatile) issue, for many bi males, from what I have read from others on this board.................

 

Sorry for your loss.