Bi men and aging

That would be the [then] young 20-something guy who was, incidentally, my poly wife's son. He had came to me one evening looking like someone stole his lunch money - found out that the girl that he had dated decided not to give him any pussy and he's horny, rejected and dejected and asked me what was wrong with him and asked if there was another way to have sex and I told him that he could - if he dared to - get a blowjob from a guy but we both knew that I had to read him the riot act for forcing his brother to have sex with him.

It came down to him asking me to blow him since I didn't hide the fact that I was bisexual from him... so I blew him me to and he busted a sizeable load of cum - then told me that what I'd done was better than any girl had done and wanted me to do it again and I laid down some grown-up rules and beginning with if you want it you ask for it and do not assume that I'm just going to do it. I knew he was hooked but wanted to see how hooked he was and, sure enough, the day, he asked if I could "help him out - that's when we really got into it; he learned that he couldn't bring himself to suck my dick and after fucking me in the shower - which I completely enjoyed - he said that it wasn't for him but said that it wasn't fair to me that I'd suck him off and had to use my hand to get off so he suggested that I fuck him - and I tried to talk him out of that but he insisted and, well, this is part of being an adult and making decisions that you may or may not regret. That night, I sucked him off and buried my dick deep into his ass and... he didn't even flinch or complain, which had me wondering about some stuff.

We settled into a routine that was almost a daily thing; I'd blow him then fuck him and maybe twice a day; he did try again to blow me - I was sure he was high or a little drunk - but he still couldn't do it but he just did not mind me fucking him - and I did get him to admit that he had jerked off to thoughts of me having sex with him. We were lovers for almost two years before he finally met a girl and fell in love with her - and I knew that our tryst would be over the day he found such a woman and I was okay with it but, yeah, he was hooked on the sex but I knew he would be.

When we "broke up," he said that he was going to miss being fucked and that I still sucked his dick better than his new girlfriend could. The interesting part was that his mom found out that we were having sex and she was pissed with me, not because me and him was doing the deed but because I didn't tell her - she heard it from him and during some argument they had. She had also said, "He's an adult so he can make his own decisions... but you should have told me." It was a joy to suck him off and to fuck him; he was so responsive and gave up nice loads of cum for me to swallow.

Over the decades, I'd "broken in" a lot of supposedly straight guys and they were all memorable moments because I felt that it was an honor to introduce them to a way of sex that everyone believed was horrible, but they'd find out that it wasn't even close to being horrible. It's just that with this guy, well, opening his eyes was special to me.

He did say, one night, that he understood why his mom loved having sex with me..

 

KD23:

To say I am in TOTAL AWE after reading your post is indeed a GROSS understatement!

DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(EXCELLENT "thesis", BTW!)

 

You asked a question. I answered it. It was that eye-opening experience for him but for me, it was an emotional one because I hadn't enjoyed sucking a guy's dick like that since my gay boyfriend. It was also a lesson - or a reminder - that the only limits that exist are the ones we create for ourselves. And I had already learned that the rules and limits that we say are so important... aren't really all that important. I used to sit and think about what "encouraged" him to have this conversation with me in the first place and more so after I really busted his ass for forcing his brother to... whatever sex he was forcing him into. He thought I was busting his ass because it was his brother, but I truthfully explained to him that it didn't matter who he was trying to have sex with: Forcing someone into it is 100% uncool - and I told him that if his brother came to me with another complaint like this, I was really going to kick his ass.

And like you did he asked me a question and I answered it. Should I have said no? Pointed him to another guy I trusted to give him the sexual experience he wanted? Probably but that's not how it all went down. He asked if I could help him; he explained that he trusted me and that was the reason why I sucked his soul out of his body and I had to admit to myself that I loved doing it - his dick was perfect to suck on and I had hoped that he'd want more from me and, well, I got it but it would have been okay if he had turned to another guy.

I never bothered to ask him about the details of his "fantasy" of having sex with me since if he had them, they went by the wayside and became a reality for him. Did I feel bad having sex with him and his mom? I really didn't although, yeah, I should have told her myself, but I wasn't sure how she'd react - and her reaction wasn't what I expected. Also, the thing I wanted to teach him was that if he wanted sex with me, he had to step to me like a man and ask for it and, honestly, I didn't think he'd want to do it again but as it turned out, I was wrong about that - and admittedly delightfully so. I had wondered who might have fucked him before since I could get into him without any of the problems I expected.

Or, as I also thought, he wanted to be screwed and figured that it made no sense to whine and complain about it hurting and after a while, I just stopped trying to figure it out and settled for being able to enjoy the sex we were having and what it meant to me. I wouldn't say that I was now in love with him but my feelings for him were quite deep. This was just as much about me as it was about him.

 

KD23:

Again, another thought-inducing, mature, well-written "memoir" of your many past experiences......let's all hope that you "keep on "steamin' ahead" for at least the next 20 years!

 

I hope I'll still be around 20 years from now. Being with him confirmed something I had observed way back in my youth: Everyone is fair game until they prove that they aren't. The rules are what they've always been and not everyone plays by the rules. Did he have "secrets" that he chose not to share with me? Maybe... and I didn't really care. In exchange for me sucking him off, I got to fuck a 20-something in his very nice ass and bust big nuts in him and sometimes, a rose is really, still, and just a rose.

I shared this with someone and they asked me (1) if I had any regrets, (2) did I feel bad or guilty for having sex with someone that was around the same age as my own children and (3), if I could do that, first moment over again would I say no to him and leave him hanging and... I laughed, went to pee, came back and laughed some more. No, I didn't regret about it; no, I didn't feel bad or guilty for offering to turn him out - and then, turning him out; if I could go back to that first moment, I would have sucked him off and fucked him right then and there but it's all moot... because that's not how it all went down.

They had said that they wouldn't have done what I did, and I shrugged and said, "That's why you're still trying to get someone to give you some dick - and why I won't have sex with you."

HIs mom did tell me (after we spent a couple of hours wrecking the bed) that she was glad that he came to me about this instead of someone who would have done him dirty or otherwise hurt him; my wife, who I did tell right away (because I had to per our agreement) said that she approved because it would ensure that he wouldn't be forcing himself on his brother.

 

KD23:

A personal question, if I might............

Some situations (i.e numerous FWBs, etc) had to, at some point, become quite "complex" (confusing) over the years.

How were you able to keep it all "sorted out", if you know what I mean.

Again, I give you much credit for not looking back, and only moving forward...............

 

Hell's bells, I often wondered that myself except to say that I've always been good at multi-tasking. Any relationship where you're having sex with someone will, inevitably, become complex and where people screw the pooch in these things is being unable to keep things "in order" although things can get rather hectic and chaotic. But it's always one thing at a time, one moment at a time, deal with what's in front of you and don't look past what you're doing - or who you're doing. You always want to take things as far they may go but, as "Dirty Harry" once said, "A man's gotta know his limits..." and if you don't, it's poochie time and not in a good way.

I never look back and say, "You know, you shouldn't have done that..." or waste my time thinking about a do-over that is, in reality, impossible because once it's done, you can never undo it and really, you should have thought about the consequences of your actions before you did it. But, you see, I got started so early in the "sex game" that I had time to learn how to get and keep myself sorted out and grounded and no matter what kind of 'messes' I managed to get myself into or Mr. Murphy decided that today was a good day to fuck with me.

I knew about life being too short to have regrets before I ever heard that life isn't just short - it's way too short to carry around the baggage of regret. One of the many epiphany-like questions I came to ask myself was why would or should I feel regret or guilt over something I wanted to do? Even if that "great idea" turned out to be anything but all that great. My bisexuality turned me into a philosopher of sorts except I hadn't figured out anything that many a guy before me had figured out - but that was them way back then and this is me in the here and now.
.
I thought long and hard (no puns) before offering to blow him because I recognized his "distress" because I saw it a lot growing up around guys who couldn't get any pussy even if they paid for it. I deemed it worthwhile to do him, so he'd leave his brother alone but, later, I'd admit that once I got his prick into my mouth, yeah, I was glad that I offered to blow him and he readily - and eagerly - accepted. No regrets. Wouldn't change a thing even if it were possible.

Finally, I was watching the movie, "In Like Flint" or it was "Our Man Flint" and Derek Flint was asked how he could have all those women and it was a problem and he said, "That's easy - I don't compete with them.." and I found that if I didn't compete with the men and women I was having sex with - relational or otherwise - I could keep it all sorted out fairly decently. I had my share of fuck-ups, to be sure but everything, even failure, is a learning experience and you will never learn how to do it right unless you screw it up... and you still gotta know your limits. There's sex, then sex and romance and the two things were never the same thing. I could have sex with you, and it wasn't like I didn't "care" about you because it really does not make any sense to have sex with someone you care nothing about. If my worst enemy needed me to suck his dick to save his life, he'd be a dead man because, duh, he's my worst enemy for a reason. And if I wasn't going to have sex with you, it was because I couldn't find anything about you that I liked enough to want to have sex with you.

Horny as fuck... but never stupid. Keep it straight or else... and I really didn't want to know what "or else" could and/or would mean.

I've done my best to keep it all sorted out and with few "difficulties" and for that, I'm thankful because I've seen too many people not be able to do that... and I think I've done quite well for someone who was tossed into the sex pool and left to sink or swim... and I learned some shit as I was learning how to swim.

 

kD23:

Recall a saying of John Wayne's:

"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

That you've utilized simple common sense over all these many years, despite always being "horny as fuck", I think, indeed speaks many volumes.

Sure you can be horny as hell for some hot, sweaty m/m action with your FWB, but you are smart enough to think with your HEAD and NOT your DICK.

Look back at your "fun and games" with your FWB (or buddies) and recall how HOT it was, and NOT to have ANY regrets about "MAYBE I should not have done this with so-and-so"

Recall another old saying:

"Act in haste, repent in leisure" (or something like that)

Again, I always feel as though common sense these days is not as fully utilized as it should be in such situations; that, and not ignoring your "gut feeling"............

 

Look, sex with men isn't all nice and pretty and totally "error-free" or idiot-proof. Lord only knows how many times I said that I shouldn't have had sex with this or that guy and for (add a bunch of reasons here) and I learned to chalk it up to a learning experience so that I don't have a lot of those "regretful" moments and moments that, until the guy soured things for me, were going swimmingly well and, yeah, he just had to fuck it up for me. Or maybe I fucked it up somehow or in some way.

Regret is a pain because it makes and keeps you trapped in a past you cannot change and, usually, due to a situation that, if you had thought it out with your big head, you probably wouldn't have done whatever it is you're regretting but the point is moot because you did it and found reason to regret the decision and your actions. Sometimes, common sense doesn't apply because if you knew that the guy you agreed to have sex with was going to be a total asshole about it, you wouldn't have slept with him and there would be no regret - except maybe the one that has you regretting that you couldn't suck his cock (or whatever y'all were gonna do) because he's known asshole about this.

Funny how those old sayings tend to come up after shit goes sideways - closing the barn door after the cows have already left. Yes, maybe I shouldn't have let nine of my friends fuck me... but I did and since I did - and actually had a nice time taking my turn first - what is there to regret? Adult Me looks at this moment (and a great many more) and say that it was ripe with regret and... I regret nothing. Kinda wish I hadn't done it when my asshole was sore and I was walking funny and shitting out cum for the rest of the day but, yeah, too late to say that I shouldn't have done it when I already did.

Regret has trapped many a man in his past and he lives there... and not in the now and like he's supposed to be living.

 

KD23:

Quick question.......

As you (like myself) are now a senior citizen, do you find your ongoing bisexual lifestyle less complex than it had been during your younger years, or, has it remained pretty much "status quo"?

Less FWBs?

More?

 

Once I learned to apply KISS to my bisexuality, my lifestyle hasn't been all that complex. I rarely take on an FWB because, being older and all that, I don't have the time or patience for the drama that guys want to bring to the table. Look, I just wanna be able to suck you off if we happen to be just sitting around doing nothing; I can handle seeing you every day and us getting into it as a matter of course but we're not an item and the first time you give me grief because I wasn't available for you for any reason, the deal's off the table. In fact, any whining complaining, etc., will very likely end this friendship. I've always picked my moments, choose or respond to the right guy and, importantly, I don't read anything into getting with him other than the obvious cocksucking to take place.

One of the advantages of being in this life is being able to run into damned near all of the dumb shit guys are capable of because they never learned how to employ KISS in their sexual lives. As such, I'm pretty much status quo because I don't have the time for anything else. When I wanna suck cock, I go suck cock. Simple. No muss, no fuss. Been there; done a whole lot of it. This has never been about romance for me - it's sex and if it comes with a friendship fine; if the friendship turns sexual, fine - it's nothing that I haven't done before (and many times). You wanna play games? Go find an arcade.

 

KD23:

A clear, level head is indeed the hallmark of your overall character; that and 100% HONESTY, with no "PUB", no games, no drama, or backstabbing..............makes damn good sense to me......

 

The thing I've always loved about being bisexual is I got to make my bisexuality the way I wanted it to be and not the way someone else said it should be. I don't have the time to be dealing with all the social bullshit and more so when I already grew up with it... and absented it from my life. Learn the truth. Speak the facts. Don't believe the hype but understand that I am part of the hype. I don't look like the type because I am not the type. See this for what it really is and not how others want to portray it. I'm not better than anyone else... but I'm damned good at being who - and what - I am. And I don't sugar coat the things I know because that'll get some guy into trouble he can't afford to be in but I'll tell anyone in a hurry that you don't have to believe me... go find the facts and the truth for yourself.

 

KD23:

We've talked at length about "double standards" regarding same sex encounters; a lot of str8s drool over two young females getting it on, BUT, are repulsed by the sight of two MEN having sex.

Most porn sites I have visited (especially spanking) photos and vids come in three categories; f/m/m/f, and f/f; m/m activity is NOT to be found.

Again, "same sex" action is OK, as long as it involves two FEMALES.

I still cringe inside when I recall the late-night comics relentlessly lampooning "that gay cowboy movie" ("Brokeback Mountain"), 20-odd years ago; they made it clear that a movie about two LESBIAN cowgirls was HOT, BUT, a movie about two gay COWBOYS was "Uh-uh! NO WAY!"

I've even noticed that, almost always, when reports about gay marriage would be aired on the news, almost always, LESBIAN couples were focused on, and NOT the m/m couples.........not to subtle "favoritisim", regarding same-sex relations?

Sorry, but this has long been a sore point with me............

 

I'd be among the first to tell you that watching two guys going at each other... doesn't look right, which might not make sense given that I'm a guy who has sex with other guys. I know that I've watched two women going at each other and have felt... inadequate because they really do know what they need and they're way better at making love to each other than men are. Somewhere in our past, homosexual/bisexual women got a pass from society while homosexual/bisexual men fell under the sin of homosexuality and have been reviled ever since while Sisters of Sappho are glorified and even envied because they've proved that when it comes to having sex, they don't need us guys all that much.

It is what it has always been and it's yet another example of how stupid we behave when it comes to people having sex. For instance, I had asked myself why it's okay for a girl to suck my dick and swallow my stuff but it's not okay for a boy to do it and you probably heard all of the bullshit and lies I was told in response - and then sent to my room for asking a "hypothetical" question. Two guys getting it on, yeah, bad optics but when we have sex with each other, um, we aren't so... prissy about having sex because we're guys, overloaded with testosterone and when we go for it, we good and damned well go for it and not giving any fucks about what we look like while we're doing it. If nothing else, you really get to see men... being men whether we're sucking cum out of each other or plowing a tight hole rather vigorously until cum is spilt and, by the way, I don't know what porn you've seen but I've seen plenty of M/M porn where asses are being beaten like the guy is a rented mule.

But you see - or should see - that porn is merely an exaggeration of what can happen in real life. Now, part of the problem with this... disparity of W2W sex being honored one moment and vilified the next while M2M sex is vilified to the nth degree and marriage doesn't seem to give such couples a pass... because they can have sex until the cows come home, and no babies will be born. Not without IVF or surrogacy, mind you but our morals are based upon some very outdated and prudish beliefs that keep getting passed down from generation to generation to generation and God told Adam and Eve, "Go ye forth and multiply..." and other passages of the bible tells you the rules regarding the multiplicity... but those long-dead people had no idea that one day, we'd figure out how to make babies without sex being involved.

Our prudish and patriarchal society thinks it weird for a woman to not want dick. Bisexual women get a bit of a pass because, sure, they like pussy and dick and I have heard people say that a bi chick is okay because she's still getting the dick from someone where lesbians were deemed to be man-haters and, true enough, some of them are and you might not be willing to blame them if you know how men can be. We got focused on this divisive bullshit and like the other bullshit, it's been passed along from generation to generation...

But despite this, gay people are still gay, aren't they? Shit some of them step down from being a total 6 to a 5 because, um, boy/girl sex can be good, too - just don't tell anyone that we did this, okay? Image and reputation are everything. And, um, yeah, when you can't afford IVF or a surrogate and you want children, well, you can always do what God commanded, right? I understand how and why gay people can be pissed at the way they've always been treated - and continue to be vilified and under "you have the right to be gay but we don't have to like and you can't make us like it;" bisexuals get shat upon because as far as most people are still concerned, we're really gay and bisexual men are the worst human beings since... gay men.

Where the enemy of our inherent and diverse sexuality is... our abject ignorance and inability to accept the truth that has been with us since human sexuality came to be. I learned this and used this knowledge to shape my sexuality to my liking and standards but that also called for ignoring the abject ignorance that hasn't changed in centuries. Centuries. Does it make sense to be pissed off about any of it? At the end of any day, no - it doesn't because your energies and other stuff would be best put to use by living the best life you can manage and those who don't like how you're living are cordially invited to kiss your sweaty ass - and their energies would be best served in minding their own fucking business and not making their fears our fears.

Kinks, such as they are, aren't really included in this discussion. This is purely about the disparity that's been around regarding sexuality and whether you're gay, a lesbian or a bisexual and these rifts and other bullshit exist because those who wrote the bible said that God said for us to be heterosexual only and under pain of painful death and eternal damnation.

I can't watch gay porn because (1) it's too cliched and (2) it really doesn't look right ad (3) porn exaggerates. Now, the question I'd ask is which thing matters the most? That "Jeff" and "Harvey" look beautifully magnificent and all lovey-dovey as they have sex... or that it feels good to have sex with a guy? Do you think or believe that I give a fuck what I look like when I'm having sex... with anyone? I well and truly don't because my focus is elsewhere, i.e., trying to bring the best sex I can to the bed (or wherever we happen to be doing it). I do care if the guy whose cock I'm sucking is satisfied with how I did it; likewise, did girlfriend like the way I ate that pussy then had my dick all up in her? If so, fantastic and I already know that we didn't "look good" while we were doing it and, um, if they weren't all that pleased, well, I really do apologize but I still got to have sex with you and have my own fun doing that which you didn't like all that much.

C'est la vie and all that good shit. And guys, in particular, still use porn as "the master primer" on having sex with someone else... and that's a mistake. I have rarely seen a gay flick where one guy tops and other guy is a slavish bottom and homey busts a nut all over the guy's back - or flat-out misses trying to put the money shot in the guy's mouth and... they trade places. Rarely... But this level of versatility is part of the reality I grew up with and guys talk about "flip-flopping" like it's something unusual and just like I said in the last thing I wrote; they fail to employ KISS because they're too concerned with what they see than they are what they're supposed to be doing...

And I think that you'd have to peruse M/M BDSM stuff to find the spanking you're looking for because it's there - there's no way or means that two men can have sex that isn't represented in porn.

 

KD23:

Again, another thorough, insightful, totally homest and unbiased response.

Indeed, I am MORE than aware that m/m porn is out there (and in great quantities); I, most certainly, am well aware of that.

As I've honestly admitted in the past, one of the biggest negativities about being a gay male is that, far too many, learning of your sexuality, equate you with all the flaming flamboyance seen at Pride events (and, believe me, that is NOT who I am, nor would ever want to be)

Again, I make no aplogies for who I am or what I am; I CHOSE (for many reasons) to stay celibate, and retain my dignity and self-esteem, and not put myself in the path of being hurt, bashed (again), backstabbed, or open to STDs.

I am also man enough to admit to all that I am VERY emotionally vunerable.

NO ONE but MYSELF made my "lifestyle choice"........sure, it gets lonely and frustrating as all hell, but I STILL remain my OWN man, conform to no degrading stereotypes, and live as simply and as quietly as possible, far removed from what today's society has become.........

 

Everyone handles their sexuality differently and, hopefully, to the best of their ability to do so and, just as hopefully, without society wanting to fuck up who and what you are as a person. Society doesn't understand sexuality and it would rather rely on negative stereotypes to define that which they do not understand.

 

KD23:

You said it well, indeed.

NO ONE has the right to define WHO and WHAT you are (or are NOT), not to mention not passing judgement on others.

You ARE the MAN you ARE.......and, if ANYONE else takes issue with this, well, then, you have to feel sorry for them, festering in their own simmering cauldron of ignorance........

 

Also...........

When you retain your inner PRIDE, your DIGNITY, and your SELF-RESPECT, AND are thoroughly secure in your manhood, well, that is a MAJOR-LEAGUE "score" on your side, and, if the "opposing team" cries "FOUL!", well, then, simply consider the source............

 

You got that right.