Big Girl Insecurities

well who needs advice from a twenty year old libra male anyway.

texasmade3 whats the point in giving you shit anyway, your the type of guy who has only intrest inyourself and your own opinions you sad dick.

i can see it now i bet you love yourself dont you. its guys like you that are ugly inside. like i said earlier sex appeal comes from within. and you abviously havent got any you pathetic child.

 

funny

you even have too read online books how to date women you sad boy

 

Ok, a bit of a disclaimer: i'm not trying to be a dick, and i'm not a chauvinistic male, so please don't flame me.

Out of sheer morbid curiosity, what type of medical condition could you have that would prevent you from removing hair?? I've never heard of such a thing and i'm always up for learning something new.

 

Yeah> What kind of medical condition. Anemia maybe? Anyway I am very nosey at times.

 

BS, 100% of "normal" people? So every "normal" person would find her attractive?

Define normal.

 

Also, based solely on your posts here, IMHO it sounds like homeboy just wants to get his dick wet with a virgin.......if you're comfortable with that and just want to get some ass, definitely go at it, but I wouldn't put myself out there for this dude.......he doesn't sound like he gives a flying shit about you, just what he can take from you.

 

I would see a counselor about your image issues and get some suggestions on what a healthy relationship looks like. If someone spends more than 25 percent of every conversation talking about sex and never wants to talk about anything deep ti raises a giant red flag for me. I would meet him as friends so there's no pressure on you sexually and you can look good for you, not him.
Do you have ezcema? If so does waxing irritate it as much?
Also you can be a big girl and still look good. You just have to work a lot harder at it! My weight is always up and down and it's so much harder to look good when it's up. You just have to find what flatters you.

 

I went to a diet forum and was branded as "teen with eating disorder".
People go OTT about things.
A Counselor is pointless, only YOU and you alone can say, "i like the way i look" and mean it deep down. All a councelor would do is try and persuade you to believe you look perfectly fine. That way you will be happy and he will be for taking your money.

To the op, if you think you are overweight just diet already! I was 206lb about 9 months ago and i didnt like it so i decided to change, now im a (nearly satisfying) 168lb.
My confidence has improved loads, just today a girl at school said, "wow you've lost loads of weight" which only motivated me more to lose the last 10-14lb.
If you dont like how you look you have to do something about it.
About the relationship with the guy i dont have a clue tbh, i'm too young to understand relationships and the shit that comes with it. Hearing about all the people that get cheated on in the media/school/friends just puts me off the idea of commitment.

 

lol... i knew someone would talk trash to me for speaking my opinion. and i really wasnt trying to be mean i was speaking what i thought she should do. and if nobody wants to hear it then they should ignore my post.. end of story. bashing on me saying im the one ugly inside and im a pathetic child, makes you sound like an idiot. goodbye

 

how does that make me sound like an idiot im inteligent enough to know when a guy is genually being concerned for a person, and when he is directing the energy towards the post negitivley.


i dont look foolish, i tied to make her work at what she has, all you did was do what most lads like you do. and thats make her feel worse.

anyhow ive said my bit and you said yours so lets just move on with it.

 

okay well, to the girl who posted, im sorry for being an ass, somtimes i come off like that. and to crazy daisey.. i know i probably shouldnt have said it but i did.. but anyways.. your right lets move on.. i dont like fighting with people over stupid shit.. the only reason i said that shit was because i myself used to be pretty big and i lost a ton of weight from people telling me i should do somthing about it and so on. people need encouragment whether its positive or negative. alot of people actually listen when its negative

 

But a lot of people also get upset about the negativity and just comfort eat.

 

of course. thats the other half of the people. it can really go both ways i guess...

 

do i even need to explain???

im saying normal people see the beauty in everyone. they dont just go for whoever is on the front page of the latest nude magazine.

maybe when you have a few more relationships up your sleeve you might actually learn that everyone is beautiful inside. its just some people in the public are making the :beautiful" image into stick figures and it sickens me.

over here in australia our sizes go from 8-24, anything 16 and up is considered fat. and 12 and 14 are cubby style thing. but i wont date anyone under a 12 as it just gets discusting. who would want something that you can see ribs... gross


back in the days of the vikings. skinny women were left lonely and the bigger women were chosen as they could handle child birth. isnt that why we are on here? to repopulate. i hate to see how these stick figures go at child birth... there would be soo many issues.


im not implying anyone here is ugly. but there is a tv show here called ugly betty. and the there song lyrics state "see the beauty in ugly" and its basically a song saying that inside every so called ugly person (percieved by society) there is a really beautiful person, its just no one truely takes the time to find out.

 

Alright, at the risk of treading the line of going off topic I gotta say I think you're very wrong in this statement. While I myself agree that non-physical beauty is most important, it is apparent of sociological conditions at this point in time that superficiality has become most common, what would be considered "normal" most people simply are too entrenched in their flawed ideologue of what is reality to see deeper, important issues......it saddens me to say this but I think it is apt.

 

"Beautiful inside" is such an oxymoron. There is such a thing as physical beauty (although it is somewhat relative, but usually tied to a healthy body), and physical beauty happens to be a very important thing.


I'm just uncomfortable with the idea that one should ignore physical beauty altogether or render it irrelevant or entirely relative. Some people are physically more beautiful than others...deal. And this is coming from someone who's not at all attracted to hypocondriac models.

NOW, is physical beauty the ONLY thing that matters in the choice of partners? Of course not! So...I think we're delineating two very extreme camps in opposition to each other but a more balanced view is possible:

1) the "physical beauty doesn't matter or is entirely relative camp" (not true: a paraplegic won't be thought physically beatiful no matter what even though he/she may possess other great qualities);

2) the physical beauty is all that matters at the expense of other individual characteristics such as skill, cheerfulness, intelligence, etc.

Given a more balanced view of things, that is, a view that admits that physical beauty is important and some people aren't as physically beautiful as others, AND still acknowledging that physical beauty is no more important than personal characteristics --- we all have two choices:

a) you work on your appearance (I'm guessing through exercise and certain cultural norms of beauty we might have internalized);

b) we limit ourselves to partners to whom physical beauty is not so important (which is also legitimate) and focus on other personal qualities we may possess;

Most of us opt for a balanced amount of effort between acquiring a healthy and beautiful body and furthering our personal qualities. I think, wisely. CORPO SANO, MENTE SANA.

This by the way, is not a response to the OP per se. I don't know how she looks, how healthy she is, or how important physical beauty is for her. But I am responding to the "beautiful inside" debate.

 

Hi everyone,
Thanks so much for all your responses. This week has been insanely stressful, with another private matter, and thankfully nothing to do with the impending meet-up with this guy, which we agreed to wait a week.

Said chappie, has been exceedingly supportive (via text messaging) this week, and really his support has kept me going...and it was completely non-sexual for the first time...except for one tiny comment, which made me giggle insanely. However, he has been a real rock this week, and he has had the patience of a saint, offering to go well beyond the call of duty.

I am not unhappy with who I am exactly. Of course, I would like to be slimmer, which naturally has health implications, but it really isn't top of my list. Losing weight is not something I am going to start obsessing about, as I don't believe that is healthy either. By the way - it is something I am working on...cutting down fats, carbs, eating properly,etc and since August last year have actually dropped 3stones, with no effort, or real concern about doing it...just wanted to avoid a full blown Gallstones attack, after a tiny scare with them back in August.

My body hair - OK, I am soooooo lucky to have a combination of a Genetical mis-match - courtesy of my parents - and Chronic Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. These conditions both generate excess body hair, but the Genetical fault I have, actually panics the hair growth hormone to re-grow 'damaged body hair' thicker and faster when chopped off. The Health Specialists told me when I was very little, to liken it to cutting plants...they re-grow faster and some of them a lot thicker. And this was proved in my teens, after a lot of bullying (being called Fat Werewolf and other things), I went home and waxed a patch. That patch came back and is a lot thicker and darker, even to this day. Normal hair loss, produces the same result. I have had a lot of treatment on my face which means I now trim and pluck my face (due to society rules, not my own wishes cos I hate doing it) every 3rd day, not every day. I am now old enough to realise when to leave well alone, on the rest of my body, and as I wear long sleeves and trousers all the time anyway, its no real issue. The body hair is mainly affecting arms, pits, legs and genitalia.

It's not that I don't want to sleep with this guy. I do...but when I'm ready. I just worry about letting him down, when we can't get into the positions he imagines...and with some of those he has mentioned...while they sound amazing, I'm scared I'd actually hurt or squash him. I'm now 16stones 7lbs(weighed today) and that is a lot to have in some of the positions he mentions.

I am very insecure about what he will think of me, I really want this to go well, but I am also very scared that should he feel the extra tyres I have, as he has never been with a big girl, he'll freak out. As I said the last guy who touched my back, was disgusted and made no effort to be tactful. I thought I'd brushed it off, but clearly not.

I am also insecure about the whole Kissing thing. He has said he can't wait...and yes - it is presumptuous...but like the young kids I volunteer for, I just simply am scared that it will be a horrible messy clumsy experience...should it actually happen, never having kissed a guy.

I am insecure about my lack of experience, more than anything else. I know full well he won't pressure me into anything I don't want. But you have to remember, while all you guys went through all this in your teens, early or late, I am 31 and only ever sat on the side-lines and watched, hoped, and dreamed and gathered more friends. Now I have a guy who says he's interested in me, he excites me, makes me laugh, makes me feel good...er...and bad at times..., has really ignited my sexual fantasies, and I just don't want it to go badly because of my insecurities about lack of experience.

I've just realised something! Just had a real light-bulb moment! Hahahahaha! Here I am posting to you guys, worrying about what another man will think of me and my lack of experience, really when the whole thread is futile. I mean.... I have read and re-read everyone's postings, and you HAVE all made me feel a lot happier (some more than others! ) but at the end of the day, no-one can tell how this thing will play-out. It's just got to happen, or I walk away from it all...and the walking away isn't an option I want to take. I know that it all seems like a bit obvious, but sometimes the 'only time will tell' message, takes a while to pop out from behind the worry and nerves.

I was reading all this thread to a close friend of mine. She gave me her opinion and then she quoted (admittedly she said she added a couple words to make it clearer) something from the film Withnail & I :-
"If you are holding onto a rising balloon, you are presented with a difficult decision. Do you let go while you still have the chance?, landing safely on the ground. Or do you hold onto the rope, and continue getting higher to see where you end up."

I think with this meet-up I am going to hold on to the rope!!!

Thanks for all your opinions and thoughts....I really appreciated everyone's comments!

 

Hey Jinny, big girls are worthy of love too. I am a big girl and my husband finds me drop dead sexy. Skinny girls scare him, he says he'd be too scared of breaking them. LOL. He's a big guy too. And that whole BS about body hair, well it depends on the guy. My hubby has grown to love body hair on a woman. I'm chasing a one year old around 24/7 and shaving is the least of my worries. When I do shower, I have the baby peeking in at me the whole time and no I am not going to waste time shaving. Now for special occassions, I will make my legs nice and smooth and sometimes he will trim the bush for me (I don't do well with sharp objects near vital areas).

I think this guy is not good for you. You don't have to settle, and you have the right to have standards too. If you think you lack feminine traits, grow your hair out. Throw some light makeup on once in awhile to feel girly. Get a naughty pair of panties. It doesn't matter if other parties can't see, it's all about making yourself feel desirable. When you're happy with yourself, the rest falls into place. Confidence goes a long way. Find someone who appreciates you, not just your fuckability, you know?

 

i totally agree... except about the part "I think this guy is not good for you" i think its not up to us to tell her or decide. we dont know the true story. i have had all my gf's friends say that about me, but she adores me and i adore her. we have our tiffs but i dont see us breaking up.

love can pop up from ANY time, when we least expect it ASWELL as if we are looking for it. life is short. your already 1/3 of your way through (aprox im not saying for sure) so my advice is go for it. give it a try. if it doesnt work out you gain knoledge.

again with this comment "I think this guy is not good for you" if she walks away now she will have the same issues with the next one. why run from problems? even if its not ment to be give it your best shot anyways. and i hope everyone can use my life motto...


"NO REGRETS" i live life how I want. i do as i wish, its my life and im in control. i have always had the "i wish i asked her out before she got a boyfriend" thought in my head. and no longer do i want that.

 

Sorry I just read it as he was only wanting her for sex, most relationships don't evolve from sex as the starting point. But you're right, life is short seize the opportunity if you want it.