Biting Problems

In the USA, Kindergarten is not mandatory. Kids usually start after they turn five years old. Primary School is K through 5th grade, (some schools contain K through 8th, like the ones Bear and I went to in the 60s and 70s) then kids go to Middle or Jr High School 6th until 8th grade. High School is next, the 9th through 12th grades are refered to as "Freshman" (9th) "Sophmore" (10th) "Junior" (11th) and Senior (12th) Freshmen through Senior Years are usually all in the same building. After Senior Year, the child can work or go to Community (previously refered to as "Jr" or Two Year College) College (two years, with either a Certificate or transfer to a University) or go right into College (what you would call University) until they graduate.

In most states, children have to go to school until they are between 16 and 18 years old. My state (Illinois) used to have 16 as the minimim drop out age, now it is 18. I think some states in the South allow drop out rates as young as 14. Amish children are only required to attend school until the end of 8th grade, as their Community takes care of them, and "too much" education" is seen as "unGodly" by many Amish.

Home Schooling is usually allowed in most states until the end of High School (12th grade) but I belveive some states require an end of home schooling at the completeness of 8th grade and attendence in High School for all children. The home Schooling mamas will know more. One cannot "home College" in the USA, with understandable reason.

 

each state in the US has their own laws regarding education of children. In TN, kindergarten (the school year the child turns six) is not mandatory for homeschooled children, but has recently become mandatory for all public schooled kids. This causes difficulty for homeschoolers who change their minds and decide to enroll their child in public school without having been officially registered for kindergarten. There is talk of mandatory pre-school for children even younger, which is very scary indeed, but many parents actually think it's a wonderful thing to institutionalize their children so young and get rid of them for five days of every week. Some states require that parents have at least a bachelor's degree in order to homeschool beyond the 7th or 8th grade, but that does not apply to students enrolled in certain religious umbrella schools. Likewise, the laws are different for Christians than they are for everyone else, not just in TN, but in many other states as well because the legal group responsible for writing most homeschool laws is a Christian organization (HSLDA).


I took the GED and aced it at 13 (25 years ago), but was not allowed to quit going to school because I wasn't 17 yet. I have never heard of any state, not even here in the south, that allowed children younger than 16 to drop out of high school.

 

Here is an article I wrote on the topic that was published in a local parenting magazine.
Good luck.


Surviving the Biting Stage

I was working at my son’s daycare the day he bit another child. I was working with other children on the slides when I heard another child cry out in pain. I made sure that my group was safe and dashed to the other side of the playground to find Robert looking pleased, both teeth clamped together wearing his “I’m guilty,” face. The other child was screaming, one hand clamped to his cheek. Robert looked at me and said, “I bite,” and my world fell apart. I was angry at Robert, angry at the other teacher who should have been watching but had not been paying attention, and angry at myself for not doing something to prevent the bite. I was scared that I might lose my job. I knew I had to do something so it didn’t happen again.

My son’s daycare was less than a year old and had never had a child get bitten before. They did not have a biting policy. They asserted that biting was uncommon and unacceptable behavior. They told me that it was my responsibility to make sure that Robert did not bite again.

I started my research right away. I talked to pediatricians, dentists, child development professors, and people who worked in the day care field. I found out that I wasn’t alone, it wasn’t my fault, and that there were specific things I could do to prevent it from happening again.

If you’re the parent of a child who bites, it’s hard not to feel personally responsible for such uncivilized behavior. On the other hand, whenever the parents of a bitten child look at the mark on their child they feel angry and pained themselves.

While biting is a common and normal form of expression for toddlers, the behavior can result in dramatic responses, whether suspension from preschool or friends who suddenly avoid social contact.

Parents on both sides will be relieved to know that the savagery does not last forever. According to Dr. William Sears, the author and on line pediatric resource, biting happens most commonly between the ages of 18 months and 3 years old.

Before A Bite
Each child bites for a different reason. Most often the behavior stems from an inability to communicate how they feel or what they want. Lisa Shaughnessy, co-director of Adventures Preschool in Belmont suggests that parents learn techniques for teaching kids to talk.

“Read books about feelings, and sing feeling songs and fingerplays like ‘If You’re Happy and You Know It,’” she says. “We encourage our teachers to be dramatic. If they bump themselves, or they are frustrated, voice those feelings. Say ‘Ouch, my elbow hurts.’ Or ‘This puzzle is frustrating!’ It takes quite a few months between ages the ages of 2 and 3 for children to master their emerging language and identify and express their emotions.

Biting is a normal behavior for a child who hasn’t mastered speaking, says Shaughnessy. “We watch the child for signs of frustration and redirect or offer safe substitutes, like teething rings, channels negative behavior into a more positive outlet.”

Shaughnessy stresses that, in school situations, communication is important. “Open communication with parents can help identify any changes in that child’s life. Even minute transitions like the changing seasons can trigger biting behavior. If you can pinpoint transitions it can help to figure out why the child is biting.” It is also important to explain to the parents of the victim that biting is normal behavior.

And singling out the offending children can make the situation worse. “Labeling a child a biter does more harm than good. You wouldn’t call a child who pinches a pincher. It perpetuates the situation,” Shaughnessy says.

Biting Behavior
Not every bite is a form of aggression, says Dr. Sears. From the beginning babies use their mouths to explore the world. There are eight types of biting, and some are experimental. Teach the experimental biter that teeth are for food only and that he can’t bite people or animals.

Kids may bite because:
• they are too young to express feelings;
• they are intimidated, frustrated or scared; or
• they are imitating a peer.

Some children use biting as a primitive form of social interaction. They don’t yet know how to say, “Hi, can I play with you?” Instead they greet their friends with an enthusiastic chomp.

Other children bite when they are frustrated. It helps to watch closely when the child is engaged in an activity. Often, a child will have a look or follow a particular pattern of behavior that foreshadows a bite.

Sometimes, children who feel threatened will bite. During times of transition, kids bite to express their distrust of situations. Take steps to help scared children feel safe by sending them into new situations with something familiar like a blanket, pacifier, or favorite toy.

Another form of biting is imitative biting. Children learn by imitation and daycare centers, large families, and playgroups sometimes have a rash of imitative biting. There are many books about biting written specifically for young kids that can be used as teaching tools for groups of children. Model loving behavior and eventually the outbreak will fade.

There are children who bite to feel powerful. They bite to test cause and effect and to have control over their universe. They like the power they feel when they get a big reaction from others. Many of these children benefit from more choices during the course of a day. Giving them more control in other areas of life may mitigate biting behavior.

Some kids bite simply for attention. It is important not to reward the behavior with extra attention.

And finally, one of the most common causes of biting is teething. Dr. Arthur Sun, a professor at of dentistry at Harvard says that “Teeth erupt every six months or so until children are three.” Parents can expect teeth between six and ten months, then again between 12 to 16 months, then again from 18 to 22 months.

In The Discipline Book, Dr. William Sears wrote, “The budding teether longs for something or someone to gnaw on. Offer something cool and hard. Gum-soothing favorites are a cool spoon, Popsicle, frozen bagel, teething ring, and a favorite Sears' family teether—a chicken leg bone stripped of the tiny bone slivers. Try cold teething biscuits for another melt-in-the-mouth teether.”

Biting At School or Daycare
Sending a child who is prone to biting to school brings more concerns. In daycare settings a biting incident requires more forms than any other acts of aggression even though most children under the age of 6 lack the strength in their jaws to break the skin. When bites occur parents may have to sign an injury report, an incident report and a behavioral form. The state Office of Child Care Services takes biting seriously, causing some schools to take a rigid approach to biting, including sending kids home or to the director’s office immediately.

If your child is biting at home he might try it at school. When choosing a daycare, ask about their biting policy. If your child bites at school, you could be in for an expensive surprise, such as finding alternate daycare while he sits out a suspension. At my son’s school, when he did it twice more over a three week period, we were immediately sent home. I was told to stay home until the school came up with a biting policy. I gave them my research, we called in early intervention and a professor at Wheelock College to advise the daycare staff, and we all worked to come up with a biting policy. But, those two weeks without pay were tough. A recent article in the New York Times talked about a new trend in suspension of problem toddlers. It causes financial worries for parents and is confusing and disruptive to children’s lives. Frequent expulsions and suspensions can give a kid the message that he or she is irredeemably bad. A good school cares about safety and continuity of care for all its students and many schools have biting policies that advise against suspension. Suspension creates unnecessary transitions and often children who bite when confused or scared have trouble with these extra transitions.

Be honest with staff at your child’s school and alert them to any behavioral changes or tension at home that may result in a biting incident at school.

Discouraging a Second Bite
Consistency is the key to managing biting in any setting. Parents should take the following steps after a biting incident:
• stay calm.
• In a firm tone, tell the biter, “We don’t bite our friends.”
• Then, turn your attention to the victim and offer comfort.
• Try and get the victim to express how he or she felt about the bite. Help the child to explain to the aggressor that, “I didn’t like that! It hurt. Don’t bite me!”
• Ice the bite.

If the focus is not on the offender he or she will learn that biting does not get a dynamic reaction or extra attention.

Parenting a preschooler is about teaching them to be a functioning member of society. Your child will soon learn that kids are friends, not food. Be consistent, help children express needs and feelings, and provide chewy objects for children who need the oral stimulation. Tell them that object is theirs to bite if they feel the need to bite. And, when you look at the chewy on a string and wince remember, “This too shall pass.”

Hadley Lewis is a mother and freelance writer from Watertown.

Web Sites

www.kinderstart.com
www.naeyc.com- typing biting into the search field brings up a wealth of information
www.askdrsears.com

Books for Parents
The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp M.D.
The Discipline Book by William Sears M.D.
No Biting: Policy and Practice for Toddler Programs by Gretchen Kinnell

Books for Toddlers
No Biting by Karen Katz
Teeth are not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick

 

That's awful. A lot of kids, even if they are going to go to public school, just aren't ready at five. And Mandatory Preschool is ludicrous. I know some of the politicians in Illinois want it, the reason: "So many parents work, and these children need an enriching atmosphere." So take MY tax dollars so some people don't have to pay for day care? No, I don't think so. (I have news for them ALL parents "Work.") Also, many many children are simply not ready at all for preschool at 3 or 4 years of age. Mandating it is asking for trouble down the line. Yeesh. I can't imagine the problems forcing so many childen who aren't ready into an Institutional Enviroment will cause.