Boyfriend isn't so interested in my orgasms

I expect most 22 year old men have a similarly selfish attitude- in fact probably a lot of men of any age only want to make sure they cum. It's a great pity he's no good at giving oral, as it could be enjoyable for both of you.

If you say you are planning to leave him, then it should be something you are prepared to do if he cannot or will not change, and if he doesn't change, you must then leave him.

 

I actually agree with what MayQueen...maybe you should turn the tables a bit. You dont have to be tricky about it. You can simply tell him that things have to be mutual in the relationship.

I really do think that communication is the problem in your situation. You sound like you have let him know, on more than one occasion, what you like and dont like and he simply hasnt taken it into consideration. Having sex isnt just about getting off but about making eachother feel loved and wanted, especially if you are in a relationmship with that person. He is not making you feel loved and wanted. The fact that you have to lie next to him and masturbate while he falls asleep afterward is not ok at all (especially if this is how things usually happen). Six months is a relatively short period of time. If things are already like that now what do you think they will be like in 2-3 years? Waiting for him to change is a waste of time in my opinion. He is already getting what he wants so what would be his motivation to change? There ARE guys out there who will be responsive, who will slow down when you ask them to, who will care about making you feel good. Kick this loser to the curb and go looking for somebody else. Hell...a vibrator would be better than him. They keep going until you cum.

 

I am 44 with kids and got more from my ex than that! At 22 my 1st made sure I would cum at least once if not multiple before he ever let me get near his cock. When I finally did it was FuckFest...and I was begging to please him. Something is wrong. I hate lazy lovers!

 

Personally it sounds like he just wants to get his nut off and is not that interested in pleasing you. I know when im with someone that i care about i want to make them feel important through sex and other things in the relationship. So if that means spending extra time to make them reach climax then i will. Personally i do not think this is normal for a 22 year old to just roll over.

 

First off... just because it feels good (or even great) to have a person touch you sexually, doesn't mean you have great sexually chemistry... it means your body works the way it is supposed to.

If you had great sexual chemistry, you wouldn't be complaining about the sex.

There has been some good advice in here about this... especially along the lines of talking to him about it.

However, there is something that I didn't see mentioned that I feel really should be.

Your partner(s) in life, should care about your happiness as much as you do about theirs... If they don't, for whatever reason, then you should really reconsider your choices.

It's all fine and good to say, talk to your partner, explain how you feel and see if that helps, which is good advice, but there is a different way to look at it.

Don't you deserve to be in a relationship where your partner doesn't need to be told that they should care about what makes you happy?

 

my 2 cents: generally, you havent had a relationship worth mentioning if it hasnt lasted for more than 2 years... thats about the time when the "first love" effects wears off. if you are having serious problems with something - especially sex - bevore your 3rd year, maybe you are just not compatible. that may seem to be a bit harsh, but its nothing bad - not all people fit together, but that doesnt mean the other one is "bad" or anything else.

also, you sound an AWFUL lot like a girl who is expecting her man to make her happy and fullfilled - now i tell you a secret... yes, this will happen, with the right guy, but you have to be working on such a relationship - i am sorry to destroy your dreams, but there is no knight in shiny armour coming and everything is magically perfect.

and NO, someone older is not automatically better than someone younger... you are thinking in categorys that could be straight out of some chick magazine. you should not be looking for a category that is gonna make you happy but for a PERSON that is gonna make you happy. this person my be younger, may be older, may be the same age as you - it doesnt really matter. what matters is that you two fit together, that you can speak and have fun with each other, that you can have a brawl with each other and be good with one another after it and so on.

ask yourself why you were interested in your boyfriend in the first place... and then ask yourself if you hooked up with him because you thought he would "fit" or because you really liked him and enjoyed being together with him.

 

Agree with a lot of things said here. I think he just doesn't know how to please you, and isn't motivated to try. As far as other guys, it's mixed bag. One thing that will help is putting your foot firmly down right from day one. If you can't orgasm from penetration, and love hand work, let the guy know that from the beginning. And refuse to do anything that will get him off till you have.

I'm serious about this. Guys tend to lose a lot of their interest after orgasm(though exceptions exist). It's natural. If you're going to get yours it's generally going to have to come first. And we have cultural myths about how sex goes. Flirting then kissing then foreplay then penetration then sleep. So if you want a different recipe then the cultural stereotype, it's up to you to demand it, every time.

Taking his hand and just putting it there can be good. Hell, just do that when you're -not- in bed together! It can be sexy as hell to just do that as an interlude to sex. Lots of noise, moans, purrs etc when he's doing it right are also -serious- positive reinforcement. And recognizing when he's moving toward following -his- script(the one that doesn't work for you) and learning to stop it before it goes too far, and certainly not positively respond to it is important. This stuff is useful whether you stay with this guy or go back to looking.

Also: Ever consider a GF? You'll generally not lack for touch play that way...

 

hmm it does sound a bit one sided ...

Ask him to prove his love for you by doing things that arouse you a lot more.

 

This is exactly how I try to behave! I don't even let my pants come off until she's come AT LEAST once. Giving oral sex is to women is basically my FAVORITE activity in this world.

 

if he hasnt done anything yet about your concerns and feelings, then he never will, its time to move on, it sucks that he cant give 100 percent to you and your feeling.

 

Agreed. I could find someone on here in a week that would do better! Male or Female