boyfriend losing interest in me

Is it really bitter though?

Be the good girl, so you can marry the nice accountant, 4 bedrooms on 1/4 acre, 2.1 kids in the burbs, 5 door Volvo.....yawn....only to end up working out that nice salary also pays for his brothel visits whilst you're stuck doing his laundry


Sure you only earn 85% what they do apparently, but in this day and age, pick the right industry and that 85% is still a nice little bundle of money.

You gals whine a lot, but too many of them are neanderthals. Why so many of you pine and put so much effort into landing and marrying one, only to end up a slave to said neanderthal escapes me

As long as you put effort into career as well, you all are betting off slutting it around in the end

 

Did you just finish reading Skips Neanderthal thread Gorilla?

 

Yes, and I challenge the extinction of said genus, I believe they are currently alive in the hills of suburban Ohio, Ontario, Bathurst, Stoke-on-Trent and they breed like rabbits (Well except for the one in Bathurst )

 

(B.

 

I reject this post with all my heart, there's just so much wrong with it. If that's how you want to look at the world though be my guest. I just hope that one day you meet a man who breaks this pattern for you.

 

I like my coffee like I like my women............bitter.

Stay Brown,
Rev J

 

Honey, I'm not bitter, I'm a realist, and you're an idealist- you and your Walt Diseny depiction of the world is the cruelest toxin you could sell this girl.

Now of course my answer is glib to a certain extent- she can wait for Mr. TRULY right, but she may be waiting until she's 80 and is carrying an Oxygen tank- the TRUTH is there IS NO TRUTH, especially yours about the world being a sunny placd where there is a plethora of Princes and Princesses out there.

And I stand by what I say, it's better to be a fierce independent than some pathetic Suzy Homemaker who collects STDs from her husband while telling her nuclear family and quiche-making bourgeoisie next door neighbors how perfect life is while inside she has no identity, and lives to serve a life, a husband, a family, a society, and a system of denial. Meanwhile, her doctor gives her prescriptions to ease the pain so it even matters less that her husband has his dick in everything but her and the kitchen blender, she has pursued what she is told what will make her happy and what will REPRESS HER PAIN AND INDIVIDUALITY instead of what will FIND it.

And it the mean time, break up with that boyfriend. Blowjobs are the new butterfly kisses- especially if they aren't sloppy, etc.:daisy:

 

The point is, if you want advice on relationships, there is nothing positive I can say, bc you cannot change another person.

If you want advice on yourself, or are seeking inner personal progress, the limits are utterly boundless. I fiind it profound. However, if part of defining oneself is to include another human being along with that (and sadly, from what I've seen in my life amongst my friends, being in a relationship is the only way they can even begin defining THEMSELVES (contradiction I know) ), then you are doomed. And therefore, LET THE SATIRE BEGIN.

And btw, these comments are not directed towards the OP, as I know nothing about her age, situation, I just hope that by this point in time she has broken up with Mr. Whoever, and is pursuing her own interests and passions.

 

I agree, I want to be with some one who is some one, not a reflection or shaddow of me

 

Here Fuckin Here!

Girls get it all wrong when they get older, think its all about what they look like as to why they dont get that level of attention from guys anymore, its far more to do with they know you just want to latch on and be "Suzy Homemaker" (thats a good one), ; learn to chase them, ride rodeo and get a life

 

I'm confused why you think anybody who gets married does so to somebody who cheats behind their back? And why you think someone who gets married to someone else does it to "serve society (or whatever)"? It seems to me you've equated "settling down" (which really is just slang for "stop sleeping with every guy who hits on you and establish a real relationship with someone who actually cares about you") and "having no life or individuality". Maybe I'm young and naive but I don't see the connection at all. I understand people get married for all the wrong reasons and then regret it, cheat, divorce, become bitter and angry at the constructs of marriage and family, and seek their second youth by reengaging in the very sexual escapades they swore off earlier. But can you understand that sometimes two people love each other and want to spend their life together? And that though there is always difficulty in this, because people are people, in fact there are many married couples who wouldn't have it any other way?

Your entire argument is based on charicatures of people rife with failure. That's why I think you are bitter. Successful marriages do happen, and love exists. It's sad that the divorce rate is so high, and I have only to listen for 30 seconds in any bar or my school library to hear a bunch of trashy filth who would fit perfect on Jersey Shore, bragging about their slutty escapades and flirtations with STDs, to know that I'm listening to a future divorcee in ten years who will no doubt reaffirm "I told you marriage was bullshit!", when in reality the attitude they brought to it was what fucked them over. Adults are very often children. People's egos are what destroys them and their "relationships". But there is nothing inherently corrupt in a relationship, in a marriage, in a family, in any of that. It seems to have worked for most of humanity for most of history.

In the end, usually you get out what you put in.

 

Oh lord I DESPISE the Jersey Shore. My answer to the OP & you was brutally glib, and it's not the institution of marriage specifically that I meant to attack, it's the point that I don't believing in building a relationship on blowjobs or idealism, and without the truth being expressed, I feel that someone cannot make any decisions.
In my opinion, any person who says that relationships should be a primary focus in anybody's life is saying something so deadly and selfish. It's saying to that person, you are not enough by yourself, and I perhaps am just so sick of hearing that message being impounded into people's heads beginning by the age of 10. How can such a crippled sense of individuality do anything but begin crippled relationships, with crippling and enabling behaviors and things left unsaid that lead the the resentments that become divorces, or unspoken trysts just to avoid loneliness. I just don't know why the OP needs relationship advice at all, when we are in a world where most people don't even know who THEY are- so many marionettes on the strings of social/cultural/media propoganda. I just have a feeling the OP is so young- why have her focus on relationships and attaining them through blowjobs or through being any stereotype? In most cases, the world gives women 2 choices: Be the madonna or the whore, or you can dare to break the mold.
People are just so consumed with relationships- what's the rush????????

 

You're 26, average age for people getting married nowadays is around that age, late 20s. And I thought more like you did back then. But the you get to mid 30s, once everyone around you has been married for a couple years and bored of that, strange things start to happen.

The sheer number of couples where the gal is as SC described a little suzy homemaker, totally in denial with her husband running around trying to stick his dick into ... well..anything. Or the reverse, the hubby is some putz working 80 hrs a week, no time for anything whilst the wife is running around ready to lift up her skirt to any half decent alpha male that comes along.

And in all cases this kind of stuff doesnt happen when anybody else is watching, then amongst their family and friends and especially kids, back to the act that they are in a loving commited relationship.

As a guy thats something you get more with those around your own age, then a couple years later at 40 double, triple it again. Get it more so if you are still legally single, get it more so again if you are 40 and you still have abs whilst every other 40 year old looks like Homer Simpson. It gets to the point where its like, wtf man is there any married couple not full of shit

Back when you were 19, a lot of your same age female friends were getting hit on left right and center by older married guys, never when anyone else was around, thus you never saw any evidence of it, and they didnt tell you cos they dont want to get any ideas in your head - thus you still dont have any clue just how full on some of them get it.

Which is the real reason you might have had so much trouble in college. Some hot girl on the way to college gets hit on by a guy waiting at the bus stop, another thats on the bus, another guy in line whilst she's waiting for coffee, another whilst she's off to first class....then by lunch time when you try to talk to her in her head its like "ugh, fuck off already". Most of the ones before you older married guys.

So its not cyniscism or bitterness, its real. Just because someone claims they are something out loud, doesnt mean shit. And theres a whole lot of shit you never get to see, even though its happening all around you every day.

Then you go on to click what it means with your parents, look back at photos of when they were 21, your mum was a 9/10 and you dad was some dorky putz easily whipped that did as he was told, and if you dont look like him, shit is he even my dad? Or the kids grow up and leave the nest, and all of a sudden mum gets herself a personal trainer, and it clicks what that actually means...oh gawd, I dont want to know.

So there may be some that get married and stay faithful forever, although I'm beginning to think there isnt actually anyone like that. And even if they are you are never going to be completely sure anyway. Not that it matters anyway, its suppose to be true love, but as soon as they play with someone else naughty bits its not true love anymore? - Pretty fuckin childish really

 

Children are amazing creatures - they have an ability to dream, hope, and love. They believe in happily-ever-afters and prince charmings and true love. Then eventually society comes along, decides that kids need to 'grow up' and deem these thoughts 'childish'. Maybe they are 'childish', but I choose to look at these childish dreams in a much different light.

That nerdy little ten year old boy who who was your best friend, who you played castles and dragons with in your backyard, who stood up for you when some bully decided to pull on your ponytail - for one moment he was your prince charming. When you fall head over heels in love with your first high school boyfriend, and one night he tells you he loves you, and you feel like at the moment he kisses you, you could swear it was a moment straight off the silver screen - a moment of happily-ever-after. Or perhaps, like me, when you meet someone out of the blue, who is nothing like you expected, but instead is so much more than you could have ever hoped or dreamed of, when the words 'I love you' no longer seem adequate - a moment of true, pure love.

I choose to live my life having loved and lost then to have never loved at all.

I choose to live my life with someone I love, and who loves me...and if one day that should change, I choose not to look back with anger or resentment on our relationship, but to embrace and cherish the memories, because I see it as time that I spent being happy.

I choose to see moments where a charming prince or true love does exist, rather than to deny their existance altogether.

I choose to believe that there really are other people out there who really do believe in true love and happily-ever-afters - people are capable of doing amazing things for love, things that may never happen if they didnt believe - what a sad world this would be otherwise.

I choose to believe that there are good people in this world who honour the ideas of commitment and monogamy, and believe that while in one relationship 'playing with someone else's naughty bits' is wrong.

I choose to live and love knowing there are cheaters, liars, bastards, and scum, all pretending to be knights on white horses. I choose to love even though they all exist - why? Because I KNOW I am a strong woman..strong enough to see through the cheaters and liars, strong enough to get over the bastards and scum, but most of all, strong enough to say that I WANT LOVE.


You can think I'm being 'childish' or 'a hopeless romantic' all you want. The thing is, it doesnt matter. It is hard to see love through the eyes of a child, much harder in fact than rolling one's eyes and saying that true love doesnt exist, but since when was taking the easier path a good thing?



...maybe people need to be 'more fucking childish' ...rather than cynical assholes.

 

I dont think I've heard wiser words on these forums.

When that childhood innocence has ended, we all de-evolve from there on in

 

Absolutely, but remember that first things come first: Make money! It is so easy to make a nostalgic plea to return to childhood, but back then we were living under the protection of our parents, who afforded us a roof over our heads, put food on the table, clothes on our back, and cleaned house for us. "Growing up," as I define it, means to assume the role of our parents and take on the responsibilities of adulthood.

It is absolutely possible for an adult to be 'more fucking childish,' but that requires a shitload of money. Want to go to Paris anytime you want? Want to take the helicopter on a joy ride? Want to summit Mount Everest? Want to race the Porsche against the Ferrari recklessly in the streets of San Francisco? Such fun all require very high resources to afford, and even for most people they must work for them. With an abundance of money, people have fewer worries in life because they have fewer financial constraints, thus they have the opportunity to act like children as they please. The late Steve Fossett will agree with me here.

If you wish for childish adults, seek the children of billionaires and you will be set, and if you are a model and have a sexy ass with a wide, gaping asshole, your chances of landing one will be very high.

 

First of all, you have a beautiful writing style...Secondly, you are onto something very important here that SHOULD INDEED BE CLARIFIED.....

Your points, and those of Mr. Writers, have incredibly valid points that shouldn't be mocked and are important- however, one cannot lose sight of reality....

Here is my point.....Don Quixote...one of the most fascinating, and for me, emotional "fairy tales" of all time....(and god knows, I'm blending the play and the book, my apologies ahead of time)....
On the surface, it is a tale of idealism and inspiration....an elderly man comes along to "dream the impossible dream" and rescue the lady, who finally cares about the old man right before he dies.....

But that tale could not have been made without the wisdom of someone who had been through the terrible, unremitting suffering and agony of REALITY:

He didn't meet DULCINEA, he met AL DONZA, who wasn't a princess, she was a prostitute at a raggedy inn where she was constantly abused, raped, spat upon and humiliated.

In the mirror scene, when Don Quixote is forced (sadistically by his wealthy upperclass family &- I believe priest?) to realize that he is NOT in fact a knight, is tragic and sad, and is the impetus for his death:
NOW, this is where the story becomes so fascinating to me- bec forcing REALITY upon Don Quixote, and in such a cruel way, was utterly malicious, and from what I remember, also done with ulterior motives perhaps by his family...... However, Don Quixote, coming from the Upper Class in those days, was probably shocked to death BECAUSE HE WAS IN FACT SUCH A SHELTERED AND SINCERE IDEALIST THAT HE COULDN"T TAKE A BLOW LIKE THAT, just as he could NEVER accept the fact that Dulcinea WAS a whore. And how could he? Due to the class system out of which he came in those days, he was PROTECTED from REALITY, which is EXACTLY WHAT I DON'T WANT TO SEE HAPPEN TO THE OP!!

Don Quixote couldn't say, "yes, you were a prostitute, but THAT DOESN"T MATTER", he just denied such a thing existed.

What I am saying is, it's dangerous to ONLY see beauty, what I think is important, is to acknowledge pain, or to have been through the trenches of the most exquisite suffering imaginable, or as the words themselves go, "to bear, with unbearable sorrow", and THEN, you will be much more prepared.

 

No it doesn't dude. I can easily go to the park, take off my shoes and enjoy the sunshine and it doesn't cost me shit. I work Monday through Friday with an Autistic Boy at an after school program with underprivileged kids. Alot of that is playing games, using my imagination and using my mind. Doesn't cost me anything. As a matter of fact I get payed to do it. I am a musician. Again it encourages me to use my imagination and to teach my mind and fingers to do what I need them to to get these pieces out of my imagination.

I have a fiance of 5 years. Sure we have our ups and downs like anybody. She loves Anal Sex and I don't have to give her money for it or buy her expensive gifts for it. Or act like a small minded, ignorant moron over it.

Stay Brown,
Rev J

 

Thank you!

First off, I was talking about young children - as in the avaerge little kid probably wouldnt care let alone know about the difference between a porsche and a ferrari...little kids dont care about the same things adults do, they have different ideas of fun, excitement, etc. You dont need money to swing as high as you can on a swing, or collect cool looking rocks on a beach, or roast marshmellows.

Second, I was talking about a child's mindset - trying to view the world through a child's eyes, before they are clouded by hatred, greed, suffering, and all the rest that they will all have to inevitably face one day. It has nothing to do with money or material things! Thats the point! Dont get me wrong, Im not saying money isnt important, its what our entire society revolves around. I am saying its not the only thing that is important.

Third, I am not pleading for people to return to childhood - that is impossible. You cannot undo the experiences you have already gone through - you cant turn back time. What you CAN do is try to remember the innocence, optimism, hope and love. What you CAN do is try to incorporate these more into your adult life. Instead of thinking things will never change, hope that one day they will. "A teaspoon of sugar helps the medicine go down" ...a little love and kindness makes the world a better place.

I agree with you completely - it IS dangerous to see only beauty, and to acknowledge pain and suffering is critical. But I am not talking about seeing just one or the other. I am talking about seeing BOTH. To believe in beauty still after seeing so much pain and sorrow...I think that is something we all need to achieve. Yes, we must be prepared - we must understand there are cheaters and liars, theives and crooks, and all the rest, waiting to prey on the innocent and naive. What I ask is that the people who ARE prepared, can they still see innocence and beauty? Or more importantly, after someone has been beaten down, trampled on, and kicked around - can they not grow stronger from their ordeals, accept them, move on with their lives, and once again see beauty in the world? I believe people can. And I believe that we need people who see with childish innocence; these people can help others to heal.

I must admit I should have read this thread completey before posting...I came across your post first, and had such a desire to post something in turn right away that I did not bother to look at the OP's topic. I am sorry - I still stand behind everything I have said, but in regards to the OP, you are right about not protecting her from reality. There is the reality that many guys just use girls for sex. But there is also the reality that there are many many possibilities as to whats going on with the OP and why - and from such little information I wouldnt necessarily want to hazard a guess. I do not want to give her false hope about this guy - but I dont want to give her no hope about all men either.

Well said Rev J! And may I say I admire what you do!

 

only he knows the answer to this question.