Can't Get Over My Ex Sexually

Naw...it's real. And what's wrong with teen erotica?

 

How is it thrash? I'm just trying to write about a personal experience.

 

I think about a lot of people in a sexual way myself, but fantasizing like that in itself shouldn't come between you and your partner. We all think about all kinds of things, but that doesn't mean we're going to actually do some of the things we think. Fantasies are great, and I say you keep fantasizing about whoever and whatever you want. HOWEVER, when you are with the right person, the one, if you will, what you experience is confidence toward the relationship and the person with whom you're in it. This type of confidence has a way of making one develop a peaceful state of mind where you get to remain comfortable during encounters with other attractive people, and with fantasies that involve them. A soul mate is someone with whom you can be your true self, someone with whom you can discuss anything. It is as if you enter this state of mind where you feel like, no matter how many other sexy girls end up turning you on, you know strongly in your heart that your partner is the "number one".

My personal preferences include natural red hair and short-ish height(because I'm not a tall guy myself). I think that the redhead part stems from my last long term relationship where my partner during that time was a redhead. Since then, I've always been a sucker for fair-skinned natural redheads. My philosophy is that natural red pubes shouldn't be shaved completely......but I digress, lol. At any rate, my current girlfriend is taller than me, and she's not a redhead. Is it a big deal to me? Absolutely not. In fact, now I feel like I can meet a hundred cutest redheads and still long for my girlfriend because she's the one, she's my soul mate who accepts me for who I am, and she's the one with whom I don't have to pretend. Plus, she still fits my other personal preferences, so why wouldn't I be a happy camper, right? lol

So, my first piece of advice - and I must admit I can't take full credit for this since a similar advice has been given by Dr. Lonnie Barbach the relationship/sex therapist - is, fantasize all you want, and even take your fantasies to the extreme as long as they remain fantasies. I interpret that one of the purposes of this is to make your fantasies feel more, for the lack of a better word, "ordinary" to you, and thus it also promotes other fantasies such as the ones involving your current girlfriend. I fantasize about what turns me on but can't really have in reality. I don't feel guilty about that because I know supressing them has a way of making things worse, not better. It tends to make one feel more agitated, not peaceful. But once you accept your fantasies and learn to enjoy them rather than dread and feel guilty about them, you may have a far better chance of finding peace. Plus, I also fantasize about my girlfriend too, like, pretty often. If anything, thinking about other attractive girls and seeing them in real life situations(on the street, in a restaurat, coffee shop, park, beach, wherever), for me, makes me appreciate and want my girl more.

Second piece of advice: communicate with your current girlfriend. You don't necessarily need to tell her all the gory details, but I for one believe soul mates can talk about these things with each other without becoming insecure. As long as the relationship is secure, where both parties involved feel secure, conversations suggesting fantasies that involve other people should not be a jeopardizing factor. In fact, I personally think it can be good for couples to fantasize about other people sometimes because it can be used as a way to keep their relationships fresh. Of course, that is provided that they can remain in love with each other, obviously. But that's what I think. I guess it all comes down to whether or not you can handle your own fantasies, lol.

All the best.
::The AT::

 

Great reply AT. I have come to terms with these thoughts as what they are, a fantasy that will never happen, and I'm not complaining, because I have a great person with me and would never hurt her, but just as some of us reminisce about "old times" that's what they are, old good times I had with an ex. About talking to my girlfriend about it I don't know yet, she's the type that thinks fantasizing about other ppl is wrong and I guess it's one of those things I'll keep to myself.

 

You must move on from your past. You can find another girl who can love you. Just be patient.