circumcision

Great advice. My husband and I have also learned not to tell the in-laws (both sides) everything. His wants us to bottle-feed ("you'll never get to go anywhere unless you get him on a bottle right away!"), mine wants us to stop co-sleeping ("you're spoiling him!"). We just stay away from these conversations entirely.

WE are the parents now, we make the decisions we feel are best for our child. Somtimes I think it is hard for our own parents to hand over the reins. Not to mention that when it comes to parenting, everyone seems to have a damn opinion and usually likes to share it without being asked.

 

I completely know what you guys are talking about.
Not only is she pro circ, she hates bfing and cosleeping.....basically, she's my total polar opposite. Thankfully, Cody is on my side with the cosleeping and I'm trying to get him a little more enlightened about bfing. He's starting to get it, though.
When we were visiting his mom over spring break, she says to me one night, "With this new baby, put it in the crib in it's own room to sleep. Crying isn't going to kill it. You need your rest." Does she not understand that it's impossible to rest when there's a screaming, helpless newborn in another room that NEEDS help!?
So I told her that it wasn't up for discussion. I said that me+no sleep=depressed, miserable, irritable, insane me. When Lea Lea slept with me, we both slept a TON better. I left it at, "I'm doing what's best for both of us."
Bah, I could go on about this forever.
The hardest thing is that Cody likes to "brag" about our decisions on parenting to family. I basically want to go hide in a corner when he brings it up, since i know that it's going to cause a big argument with me at the center of it for being an "uneducated, inexperienced mother". I dont' know why he keeps doing it, even if he's saying things that go against his families beliefs proudly...
Bah, gotta love family...

 

Brian does that too, with parenting stuff. He likes to tell them what we're up to, things we've decided, or tried. I don't think he gets it, because the families don't usually attack-hunt the dads. We moms get the brunt of those uncomfortable "You should do this..." conversations.

Maybe explain to him how it makes you feel when you get attacked like that. Brian didn't get it, I don't think, until I told him that when his family pulls that "you should..." stuff with me, even KNOWING that what we're doing is conscious decision, I feel like I'm not being respected as a parent/partner, like they're looking down on me for how I'm raising my daughter. Like I'm not good enough to raise a member of their family, or something.

He's since gotten a LOT more defensive of our decisions and not bragged so much about what goes on in parenting decisions.

*hugs*

 

I liked this reason best from moon_flower's link...

I have 2 intact boys with a circ'd father. I'm sure they are glad I didn't.

 

hahahaha. i'm mostly a stalker on this site, and not yet a mama, but THIS quote has me laughing my butt off!

i wish you luck with the MIL. they can be obnoxious.



peace.

 

two more cents:
they ALL started out and uneducated and inexperienced, and we all turned out fine!!!!!

 

There are some great discussions and tons of info on circumcision on Mothering.com. This is a great attachment parenting/natural parenting website and the magazine is wonderful also!

 

flowerpower~I've been there before, but thanks!
and thanks for all the support everyone! it's helped alot! Don't think I'm ever going to change the MIL's mind, it's just making my husband realize that infant mutation is messed right up!

 

I think you should make your views on this totally clear to the pair of them, say its not hormones, its your choice not to have your baby snipped.
Just out of interest is you boyfriend snipped?

 

http://www.caringforkids.cps.ca/babies/Circumcision.htm#Risks

 

yeah, my husband is cut, thats a big part of where this argument is coming from

 

My kids have commented on the hair, but never the absence of foreskin on my husband...

Tell him to get the baby a merkin so he'll look the same...

 

pardon my blonde-ness....a merkin???

 

have you had your husband check out the penn & teller video

http://video.google.ca/videoplay?doc...er+environment

 

A pubic wig...think Austin Powers...

 

*hugs* I'm sure this situation is really stressful for you. I think you need to talk to your DH and explain to him that your decisions as a couple are just that, YOUR decisions. Explain to him that all of this is causing undue stress to you, as well as your son. I don't have kids, but I've had a ton of experience dealing with an overbearing MIL (unfortunately!:& ). I would tell him that if she continues to try to make you feel like an inadequate parent, you won't visit her anymore, or be in the house when she visits. OR, if you want to be a "bitch" tell him that she is no longer welcome in your house. (I guess I'm a bitch, b/c this is the route I've had to take! ) If you don't want to avoid her, the next time she starts up, tell her that she and her husand made their own parenting decisions, right or wrong. And you aren't criticizing what you feel were shortcomings (or mistakes) in her parenting skills. Above all else, find a way to make your husband understand that you and HE are are a team, not he and his mom and you. I hope this helps.

 

Time for a daddy to step in and give his opinion, considering I have first hand experience in circumcision. I had one. Given that I went through it and survived just fine, it doesn't change the fact that I had resented my parents for doing that to me. Granted, they were just going with the norm and figured it was commonplace. But I wish they would have taken the time to research the procedure before putting me through it. Same goes with vaccines, but that's another story.

If I have a son, the only way they will be circumcised is if they personally request it. I mean, why should he get one?

"I want him to look like me" So, you want your child to be mutilated in teh same sense you were, even though he might get teased about it growing up? Makes no sense at all.

"it's cleaner" only for the lazy. the foreskin can move back, ya know. All you need to do is know proper hygeine and you'll be fine. Common sense.

"sex is better" How the hell would you know? the only people who can offer an opinion are those who have had sex before and after a circumcision.

There are many excuses to have a circumcision, although none of them hold water. If it's for religious reasons, you're on your own there. But for any other reasons, there isn't enough reason to put a baby through such a traumatic experience.


Circumcision aside, I have to ask the OP something. Does your SO defend you half as much as he defends mommy? I'm sorry, but he should have your back on this and help you stand up against his mom. You and your children take priority now, no matter what his overbearing mom might think. He has his own family to tend to and protect, even if it's from other family.

Anyway, this is just a dad's opinion.

 

thanks mono
it's not so much that he's not standing up for her more than me...he's actually pretty awesome for that most of the time. I think what's happening here is that he really wants to do it, and his mom has been pushing it on him every time he talk to her. I actually had him say, "ok, we won't do it," a few nights ago, and sure enough, his mom was harpin on him about it on the phone the other night. He just told her to bugger off about it, but he's still pushin for it...
I'm not giving up, though. I just can't mutlate my baby.....he doesn't see it as a mutlation of course. To him it's just no big deal, and really believes his mom that our child will only be in pain for a few hours, if not a couple days. I'm tempted to "accidently" scrape his penis with my nail while we're having sex and see how much he complains... did that once before, and all he did was complain for days...that one was really an accident, but he really hurt. Then tell him to imagine inflicting a pain 100 X worse than that on a baby.
That sounds so mean, too....but maybe I can get him to see what I mean a little better with some first hand experience...

 

i like that idea. guys cant seem to handle any pain in that area but are willing to inflict it on a poor baby

 

Or at least remind him of that time when it happened. make sure he remembers that pain. then ask why he would want to inflict that same pain 100 fold on his infant son.