Coming to maturity as bisexual......

I hear you, my friend.,

I'm going on 66 now, and I'm STILL asking WHY I was born GAY instead of STRAIGHT?

Have not received an answer yet, and, of course, never will.......

 

When you were first discovering that you had sexual thoughts and feelings towards men, as well as women, did you find the attraction to BOTH sexes about equal, or, did you find yourself leaning more towards one gender than the other?

When I became bisexual, I had no notions or concepts about this. What I knew was that I had experienced sex with a girl first, then a man and... I liked it. I wanted more of it. Did whatever I had to do to get more but it was becoming clear that if girls didn't want to have sex, my male friends sure wanted to. I wouldn't say that this was leaning in one direction or the other: It was a matter of convenience and availability. I'd been sexually active with boys and girls for three or four years before I found out there was such a word as "bisexual" - and it explained everything I'd been happily doing. And, back in 1964, gender had nothing to do with this.

Were you able to act upon these urges towards other males, or, simply, kept that side of you "under cover"?

Hell, yeah, I was able to! Every and any chance I got. Hiding this part of me was just a given since being homosexual in any way was a sin and all that because no one wanted to be singled out as a fairy or faggot and subjected to ridicule and/or violence. But, nothing ventured, nothing gained; I wanted dick and I wasn't going to get it without doing stuff to get it.

As you came into manhood, and grew older, did you find your sexual attraction(s) to either gender either waning or waxing, remaining about the same, or leaning more heavily towards one gender?

No, not really. I was aware that my desires tended to be in flux or "all over the place" and from one moment to the next but never settling into one or the other; I refused to pick a side because my side was being in the middle of things. My thoughts and feelings were always, "men, women, both..." and stuck on repeat and I'd learned that my idea of attraction was different from what others thought about this. I was sexually attracted to the sex and something that many said meant that I wasn't really bisexual because I didn't cite being attracted to men and/or women as a primary attraction but I didn't let that bother me because I knew better than anyone what attracted me and made me bisexual.

And then, years before becoming an adult, accepting that I'm bisexual... because I am. I defined this for myself rather than to let others try to define it for me, i.e., just because I love to suck cock meant that I should be more into men than women. Before I became an adult, I learned to not buy into the sexuality rhetoric being spread around and by those who, I felt, didn't understand what being bi means and definitely not how I was learning it could mean. The acceptance was easy: I liked both. Details to follow. It's not rocket science...

 

We are all born without a predetermined sexuality but evolution has made sure that we are born with great sexual potential and that's determined by social conditioning and the development of our own unique personalities. We are made to be straight by social contracts, religious beliefs, etc., but it all comes down to how you're thinking and feeling as you develop and get into social interactions with others... and you find that you're a guy who likes other guys more than you like girls. The social conditioning wants to make you hate yourself for this because you're not supposed to be homosexual - ever - and this self-loathing is pretty persistent and even effective until you accept that you're gay... because you are. It's how you feel; it's what you think; it's what's right for you. There's nothing you could do about your thoughts and feelings - they were what they were but one does choose to act on those thoughts and feelings and things will either go very well or they won't because the social stigma, again, is very damned powerful and pervasive.

Why am I bi? Because I am. Sometimes, the simplest answer is the correct answer - and I'm good with that answer since it's the one that won't give me a major headache because... it can't be that simple, can it? Yeah, it can be unless you have reason to make it hard on yourself to accept that you're gay... because you're gay.

 

KDaddy23: Your straightforward response was quite intelligent and spoken quite honestly-you certainly brought up good points that indeed are worth pondering; personally I always felt that-----what you are at birth is what you will be throughout your life-------for anyone who thinks we CHOOSE our sexuality has a a great deal to learn including curbing one's ignorance---------------

 

You get to decide what to do - or not - about your sexuality. We don't choose to feel the way we do about guys, gals, both, none of the above. I have never believed "once gay, always gay" because people change and the world is always changing around us. And even if you think that your sexuality is predetermined and immutable, you still have to decide and choose what, if anything, you're going to do with it (and about it). Not to mention that, sometimes, that choice is made for us because of someone else's lusty nature and behaviors...