Dates do's and dont's

not everyone has confidence, being good looking or not doesn't mean you are going to walk around thinking you are.

 

Very true.

This guys has lots of confidence: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00w4gkv

 

aww, bless him. I can't believe his parents would give him up like that.

 

I know. I felt for him. Atleast his Gran kept in touch.
My foster brother was given up because his mother thought he wasn't black enough. True story.
Thankfully there are wonderful parents out there as well as complete bastards.

 

What the?

He's still going to know he's good looking though


That and confidence are two different things

 

my advice would be to go out with the mindset that you actually want to get to know him a lot better. So just ask questions about him and where he comes from what he does what he likes and most likely you will find some common ground which you can gossip about or tease him for which should break the ice in a friendly way.

Some drinks to loosen your tongue wouldn't go a miss either
Hope it goes well

 

I don't know. I can say, from my experience, that women I speak to find me good looking

however, I don't as much. I would describe myself as my own worst enemy. I mean, what is good looking? It's different things to different people.

 

you might want to communicate to him that you really want to see him but that you are just shy. He might otherwise think that you are just trying to get rid of him.

I remember going up to speak to a girl at a party who seemed to be flirting with me. As I got close though, she bolted. At first I thought she was just dissing me, but later I found out that she was just very shy.

There's a reason why movies are popular for dates. You can just sit next to each other and relax and watch the movie. There's no pressure to keep up conversation. When the movie is done, you can talk about what you liked or didn't like about the movie.

A problem, however, is that most movies suck, and could end up pissing off one or both of you.

For two shy people, a museum might be a good pick. Museums are generally quiet and not crowded, and you could talk about the paintings.

If one of you hated museums, or if the art was really freaked out, it might be a problem.

Lots of eye contact and probing questions might be good on some dates, but probably not on a date with a shy person.

 

Chances are he's even more nervous.

Doing stuff like touching his arm in conversation will act as a pretty good catalyst.

 

that's good advice e7

 

I thought i'd post an update since you all kindly posted all your advice.
What ended up happening was I arrived at the kegger/metal party and he was right there in the entrance. I thought for sure i've have a good hour until he showed up but he was already there.
Smiling at me.
I smiled back and we hugged, and he kissed me right away.
The rest of the night was spent drunkenly conversing...
I established the fact that I was extremely nervous because I found him so attractive.
And he said that he was really nervous and he felt the same way about me.
He said he's enjoying the silence with me.

I'd like to add, and I don't think i've ever mentioned this on the forums before. But being able to enjoy a silence with someone, and just enjoy their company without any need to speak all the time is one of the most beautiful things to me. He didn't know this, I hadn't mentioned it to him before and he said it.

Everyone at this party was incredibly drunk, including myself.
We ended up kissing
And some guy walked by and said to him "Can I have seconds" and his response was " I don't think so buddy".

I love the way he smells, and laughs at my terrible jokes.
I feel kind of ridiculous that I like him so much already.
I'm not trying to boast but I got alot of male attention that night, and female attention. I don't know like I said everyone was drunk so please don't assume im ostentacious.

I told him (very drunk) I wanted to claim him as my own and write my name all over him.
Yes this is very embarassing infact I said alot of extremely forward and romantic things.
But he found my drunken antics endearing- thankfully.
He said- "Well you have a marker"
LOL..
Then he said he'd like me to be his girlfriend after saying he wanted to claim me for himself and I asked "what are you saying ?"

LOL...

My thoughts on this are, why not establish some form of commitment while putting yourself out there and getting to know one another. It makes dating feel a little safer.

Now i'm just concerned that i'm going to mess this up.
They say once bitten twice shy, and i've been hurt.
I'm extremely introverted (when i'm not intoxicated)
I'm not worried i'll cheat, i'm worried I won't be around enough.
What with college and my shyness (likely to avoid getting together out of fear)

That's my update.

 

oooo steamy. good luck.

 

Do you think you could spend some time with him without drinking? It might help. Peace.

 

Hmmmm, dont ever use the c word around him especially this early on, and especially considering thats not what you really mean, you want that bond, to be as one, wrapped in his assumedly big arms protected from all that is scary.

But he hears words like commitment especially early on and images on diapers and balls and chains enter his head, gets suspicious cos it doesnt sound like its about him, but as his commodity as a future husband - even though thats not what you really mean. Leave it a year or so too see if you are going to get bored with him or not before you start talking like that out loud.

I say this cos you need a good shake, you are already thinking about 'commitment' after the first date? Seriously


But it does sound pretty steamy, so you go girl

 

Yes! Many times have I heard people refer to sexual desire as objectification. I have not heard about the objectification in commitment nearly enough.

If there is a biggest "date don't" for me, seeking commitment before even establishing an actual relationship (before even having fun!) would have to be it.

 

In general I agree with you - that kind of behavior usually shows imbalance or too much neediness, dependency, etc...

However, in younger people(she is 20) I don't think it is necessarily a sign of that - they get excited about potential relationships easily.

 

I feel it has to do with many factors in each person's overall attitude, at any given moment. It may work for them. I was only saying that it sounds like a turn off to me.

Good luck to the young'uns!

 

It all sounds very lovely; try to relax and enjoy it.

 

Well, you did well by not having drunk sex with him if you`re going for the whole "respect" angle. Glad to hear it went well for you. I hope it turns out even better for you

 

isn't he the one that brought up commitment?!