Dealing with Porn....

There is a huge difference between a steady relationship with your partner and things you like to read/watch because you enjoy it. What about all the women who read their spicy cheap ass love novells where the gorgous ski-teachers seduces her etc etc? What is it exactly that you people find so 'evil' and 'wrong' about porn? Is it the fact that you're afraid that time watching porn isn't spend on quality time with a spouse? Well, ok, what about another hobby, let's say fishing? Would you rather have your men staring at the water and hurling up a fish than sitting in front of the computer? Or do you want your spouse to spend every minute with you? What about hollywood movies that have nudity in them.. would you let him watch indecent proposal? What about Eyes Wide shut? Those are pretty hot as well! What about him drooling all over his favorite actress in a non-erotic movie?

Doesn't this all come down to plain insecurity? As long as he spends quality time with you, loves you and finds you beautiful, what is the 'evil' in him liking to see other people having sex?

What about the relationships where both partners like to watch porn together? Is the girl tricked into doing that by the guy? Is their sexlife so bad they need porn? What's your opinion on this?

Note that I'm NOT talking about a porn addiction here.. everything that is too much isn't healthy, same goes for porn.

Really.. I've seen the most narrowminded and sexist reactions in this thread.. unbelievable.. is that what being a 'strong woman' is about nowadays, complaining about porn? (I'm not talking about the first poster here who clearly has a guy who is pretty insensitive and unable to communicate, which is a different problem).

 

Oh.. and about the comment that porn CAN be used in harmfull ways and therefor that the person liking porn should think of giving it up completely.. what kind of argument is that? Should we also stop drinking alcohol because it MIGHT cause addiction and that MIGHT lead to domestic violence? There are loads of things that can be potentially dangerous.. it's about how you deal with it, that's it. There is NOTHING wrong with watching porn as long as it doesn't become an addiction, like with many other things.

You know what? If you have such a problem with someone watching porn than you might want to find someone else instead of trying to change someone..

 

WHO said this? The OP said her dh was basically FORCING her to do things in bed, which he learned from porn, which made her feel very bad. sad and SICK and degraded. In situations like this, porn is being misused. NO ONE SAID PORN WAS EVIL, just that some people, (like the OP's dh) could use it for evil reasons, like HURTING and causing her mental harm. THEREFOR he is an addict and an abuser and SHOULD give it up, or, as I said, his wife should RUN LIKE HELL. This is going to get better on it's own, HOW?

Read the original post. The womyn who wrote it is BEING ABUSED and degraded. And porn is being used as one of the tools of her abuse. HER HUSBAND is a porn addict and is abusing both HER and the porn. READ.

This thread isn't really about porn, it is about an abused womyn, where pPorn is a tool of that abuse.

Neither defense or attack of porn in general is what the thread is about. It is about a womyn who is being abused.

 

"Doesn't this all come down to plain insecurity? As long as he spends quality time with you, loves you and finds you beautiful, what is the 'evil' in him liking to see other people having sex?"

I guess that would be fine as long as I got to go out and flirt to get free drinks while my partner sat at his computer. He needs other women? Well then I need other men. Even if neither of you had sex with anyone else or anything I think most men would react VERY differently if you said that instead of asking them to please stop looking at it cause it hurts. I mean I guess I'm just spoiled because I seem to have one of the only good guys in the world! HE feels like it's wrong for him to look at other women like that, especially when he can come to me anytime and I'll help him out at least even if I'm too tired to really get it on. He used to look at porn when he was single, and I compromise by helping him out even if I'm not in the mood or something. LOL he even has sexy polaroids of me. Is it so selfish to want to be the one your partner wants to look at? I mean you pick each other.

"What about the relationships where both partners like to watch porn together? Is the girl tricked into doing that by the guy? Is their sexlife so bad they need porn? What's your opinion on this?"

*sigh* Obvioulsy that would be different. My problem is everyone seems to think guys shouldn't have to compromise things like porn and strippers because they're "guys". I'm just saying give me a break on that. I'm saying break up with the dude (to the first poster) if he won't give it up, because if it really matters to a girl, it will eat away at her and break her.

"You know what? If you have such a problem with someone watching porn than you might want to find someone else instead of trying to change someone.."

Hey I agree! You'll just waste your time if you try and change someone anyway.

All I'm really saying is a guy who says "I'm just not giving up the porn even though it hurts you" is either not ready to be in a relationship, or just doesn't care about you enough for you to be commited to him. It could be any issue, not just porn, if your partner won't compromise with you then there's a problem.

 

Hear hear! THIS is what the thread is about. NOT defending porn.

If this dude would rather have stupid, silicone, plastic, video, fake sex, than a real life, warm womyn made of flesh, he doesn't deserve a real womyn. What a LOSER. Who would choose porn over a real womyn? A man who can't handle a real womyn. Which is WHO a lot of porn is made for........ (I beleive men like this are known as "wankers" in England. A fine word for them, too.)

 

quote: A man who can't handle a real womyn. Which is WHO a lot of porn is made for........

or men who can't get anyone real to have sex with...thats the main target of the entire sex industry, and the way thousands of women make a living exploiting lonely men.

Lets face it, there is not a woman for every man, so porn does serve a purpose there.

i really don't think porn is inherently wrong.

 

OK, let's say a womyn was obsessed with Romance Novels. She wasn't just reading them,. she wanted to live them. She wanted her man to LOOK like the dude on the cover of the novel, wanted him to talk like the dudes in the novel, didn't allow anything in the bedroom she hadn't read in those books. And degraded him, as it made him sad and uncomfortable. Is it the same thing? yes. But I know of no one who does ths. YET, I could name a half a dozen womyn, off the top of my head who are dealing with the same issue the OP is. Being degraded and compared to porn and forced to perform acts from porn by an addicted partner.

 

the point is, if you LET people degrade you, some of the blame has to be on yourself.


Why not refust to perform an act that you don't want to, if the relationship starts sucking, dump the person...

this isn't about porn, its about being afraid.

you can't be overwhelmed by fear of losing your partner.

 

Neither do I. As long as it doesn't encompass the viewer's entire being.

As for jerk off sex to porn. I am not a dude, so I can't relate. If you are already horny, WHY do you need the porn? If you aren't horny, why make it worse by watching it? I'm not saying it is wrong or bad, just WHY? Doesn't it cause lonely, unpartnered men MORE problems in the long run?

 

Right, which is why I told her to RUN LIKE HELL, in my first post here. However, like in a lot of other abuse situations this is easier said than done.

 

no, it serves as a visual aid for someone that is horny, it helps them get off.

I don't think it causes most people any problems at all.

 

Don't you think it makes lonely men MORE lonely? I would think it would. When I was unpartnerted, The last thing I wanted to do was to watch a romance movie. It made me feel awful that I didn't have that. I think that porn would be worse, "How come I don't have that?" I don't know, maybe it's guy thing.

 

"or men who can't get anyone real to have sex with...thats the main target of the entire sex industry, and the way thousands of women make a living exploiting lonely men.
Lets face it, there is not a woman for every man, so porn does serve a purpose there.
i really don't think porn is inherently wrong."

I really don't think Maggie or I are trying to say we hate porn. I don't have a problem with single guys looking at porn, although most of them wouldn't have a problem relieving themsleves with or without porn LOL. I don't have a probelm with guys doing it if their wife really doesn't care, and I don't care if a couple likes to watch it together. That isn't the issue.The problem is when you are in a relationship and the porn is more important to you than the real woman standing right there. And there's this idea that men should be able to do it just because they're men

 

The thing is.. you ARE making this a porn thing because you want the guy from the first post to quit looking at porn.. StarFaerie seems to agree with me that you can't change a person and my guess is that the first poster new that he was looking at porn before they got into a relationship.. so why does he have to change if he doesn't live up to her expectations? Just walk away girl! Maybe they are just completely incompatible.. well.. he has his priorities wrong and she is trying to change him.. her point of view is understandable ofcourse.. he is the one to be frowned upon.. but not because he's looking at porn, but because he is just insensitive towards her.

And what about women not trying to live their erotic novells... how many women are complaining every day that their men isn't romantic enough? Isn't sensitive enough? That's right.. a LOT! And that is the stuff you can find in those novells.. maybe 'womyn' don't like porn.. well.. I'm sure a lot of guys don't like the 'Dr. Phill'/romantic novell/you are from mars stuff..

People are all different.. face it.. if you have different ideas or different interest, don't start a relation.. simple as that.

DON'T make this a porn or even a gender issue.

 

quote: The problem is when you are in a relationship and the porn is more important to you than the real woman standing right there. And there's this idea that men should be able to do it just because they're men

If you are a woman, and you know that the man likes porn more than you and you don't dump the guy, then you have no reason to complain about the porn, the problem is you chose a bad person to get into a relationship with and you should get out of it....most men don't PREFER porn to real sex.

 

Ok.. I think we are pretty much on the same page here

 

Because he is abusive. Simple.

 

THANK GOD!!!!

 

Again, we are back to the "why doesn't the abused wife leave?" Which opens a LOT of doors and windows. There is a lot about abusive relationships which makes it very difficult for the abused to leave. It isn't just a matter of walking out the door, as many would like to beleive.

What if she wants to try to save the relationship, and so does he? The porn, just like a relationship to an alcoholic, where the drink has to go, will have to go.

 

Good god! Having your priorities wrong isn't abusive! If he is litteraly forcing her to have sex, than yes.. but from what I read she is to insecure not to comply with his wishes.. that makes him a jerk for not noticing that she isn't enjoying herself and that makes him insensitive as hell.. not an abuser. As far as we know, he doesn't hit her, he doesn't rape or molest her.. maybe he's abusing her emotionally, but we don't know that for sure. She could just put her foot down and say 'no'..

Calling someone an abuser is a big thing.. and I don't feel that the first poster gave enough information for you to back this up.

Are you on a personal crusade against men or something?