Depression is ruining my life and my marriage

awww Thanks sm0key. Big hug right back at you.

I will pm you a lil' bit later. Right now I need to go play football with my boys. Bill is off buying a new lawn mower because I killed ours.


We do communicate with each other very well most of the time. We hardly ever raise our voices at each other and we respect one another. We are very good friends. This is extremely important but so is a physical connection with each other. Right now that is a painful topic.

LSDSeeker I just booked a room down in Atlantic City for my husband's birthday. I thought we could use some time away just the two of us so we could reconnect and have a lot of fun together. Him and I need more time out together. Our dating skills have sucked. lol

I don't think attractiveness is an issue. I'm still very much attracted to my husband. I love him for who he is and what he represents. He's a kind man who has a very large heart. As for me...He'd have to tell you his thoughts.

I'm off to play football. lol It's a nerf ball and we are playing in a field. At least I won't break anything, unless it's a leg. lol

 

Have fun with our boys, I know that will cheer you up alot. I bet that weekend in AC will help out alot. Have you tried to spice it up abit, maybe try something new?

 

Yes sweetness, your day sounded mighty familiar,lol...I have two lawn mowers I can't get running...waiting for thr city to cite me cause the grass is too long...If I have to use the weed eater for the whole yard my wrist will hurt bad enough I can't even stir coffee, meanwhile, rotf, I can't get a new one cause about 5-6 months ago I got fired from my job of 7yrs, almost had my house foreclosed on and ended a relationship in the month of Nov/Dec ...all I know is if you add enough time to tragedy it gets funny again.I can usually tell my story like a stand up comic! I just started to get over the paralyzed numbness this last month and feeling bouyant and hopeful again. You got lottsa good advise, but if you just ever wanna vent and beat your chest to someone that has been thru alot, feel free anytime, I have a good ear and a free shoulder.

 

When you ask spice it up do you mean try and add new things to our intimate time? Yes I have if that is what you mean. I've even gone out and rented porn. lol (my suggestion too, lol) I've tried a few other things.

Last night Bill said something about age and the fact that he's getting older (he will be 37) might be slowing him down too. I don't know if that is normal or not. I haven't even hit my prime yet so I hope something kicks in for that.

I try and offer new suggestions often. Some we try and some..well maybe another time.



gdhmomchild now that I have a new mower if I lived closer I'd mow your yard. Bill finished the yard tonight. I wasn't about to touch it. I used the edger for about 60 seconds and then turned it off. Heavey machinery just isn't my thing today. If I had to use a push mower on my yard I'd be dead in half an hour.

 

Hang in there, girl!!! You will make it!!! Don't let the depression take over you. I've suffered from Depression all of my life, because it runs in my family. It wasn't until traumatic events that happened in my life that pushed me to get help.

I commend you on seeking a therapist for your depression & getting on medication. Most people try to fight their depression with alcohol, illegal drugs or food. I don't think I could live without my therapist, we are like best friends.

As far as your sex life, check the side effects of the medication that you are taking. Some medications have a side effect of "decrease in sexual appetite". I made sure that the medication that I took didn't have side effects that decreased my sexual appetite or weight gain.

As far as your crying episode...it probably was due to you stopping the medication. Be careful because stopping some medications, you could become violent, like I did. I had stopped taking my medication one day and decided to go get something to eat from a fastfood joint. Anyway, I ordered my sandwich a certain way in drive-thru and drove all the way home, only to find out that they fucked my sandwich up. I wanted my bacon deep fryed or crispy, they gave me some soft half raw slices of bacon. I was pissed. I drove back to the fastfood joint, got out of my car, went in there, asked for the manager, I screamed "I TOLD THE SILLY BITCH IN DRIVE THRU THAT I WANTED MY BACON CRISPY OR DEEP FRYED, I DON'T WANT THIS SHIT" then I threw the bacon from my sandwich at the manager's face and told him to eat it. People in line where telling me to calm down, it's just bacon, but I was extremely pissed off. Girl, I left that place driving crazy in a rage. After that episode, I tried my best not to ever miss a pill. I could've went to jail or hurt somebody or myself really bad.

So my advice to you is to never stopping taking your medication. If you think that you should not take the medication any longer, consult with your therapist so they can gradually wein you off your medication.

Currently, I'm not taking any medication. But always remember that you can choose which medication you would like to take, but your therapist would have to approve it. Always look at the side effects.

 

I hope that you are feeling great today. Have you said something nice about yourself today? If so, great! If not, then stand in the mirror and tell yourself 1 thing you like about yourself.

7.5 mg is better than 15, so I am glad that you are getting the right amount of meds.

I will be on all day if you need to talk about stuff, or just vent....I am so glad that you are beginning to come out of it, little by little.

~Dave

 

Good morning Dave.

YES!!! Today is a much better day.

Thank you EVERYONE for all the kind words, sweet advice, terrific suggestions. I am very grateful for all the people who took the time to talk with me and offer advice. I started putting some of those suggestion into action first thing this morning.

So far so good on the new medicine. I started taking it last night. 7.5 mg 2times a day.

This morning my son had a circus at school so I volunteered to stay to help out. We had a lot of fun. I got to smile and laugh and talk with other mother's. It was refreshing for me.

Last night I also talked with my husband. We have work to do making time for just us. I'll keep trying to be creative. I won't give up.

Thank you all again. You really helped me in many, many ways.

ps. As I was typing this my 4 year old son came over to me and said "Someone loves you Mom"

 

It might be good too, to find something that involves you with adults a coupla times a week too, even a coupla hours voluteering a week, just something to change your scenery and interact with adults. I been the house mommy while they were small, and have kinda trapped myself in the house lately. while looing for work, When I make the time to get out and interact my mood is lifted from this seemingly neverending job quest.

 

As I had said, Buspar is a great working drug--I am glad your dosage is low. I was on 2.5mg/2x a day for about a year, and I feel it would have worked better had I taken it without the Lithium and the Thorazine.

But I am very glad that your day has begun with a bright, shining smile.

 

I was told by some "specialist doctors" that I would have to be on medication the rest of my life in order to function normally..... all I could think was wow I can't believe I'm hearing this... I decided for myself that I wouldn't be dependant on any drugs... not that they aren't useful in some cases... I have been on zanax..and paxcil and a few others but when they said for the rest of my life I freaked... I didn't know what to do except push myself to prove them wrong..... it has not been easy, aw now I've gone and lost my train of thought..hehe All I really want to say is that I hope you feel better with or without the drugs.....

 

Thank you come do drawings.

My Doctors have told me the same thing. Part of me still wants to refuse to believe it.

Right now while my children are young and I'm home all day I'm going to do what I have to do to keep myself together. When they are older and in school full time and I'm able to have more free time to myself my goal is to get off the medicine.

I realise I need to change some of my thinking patterns too. I'm working on that, daily sometimes hourly.

It's been one week since I've been on this medicine. It's not like any other medicine I've taken before. All other medicines I could feel like I was on something. This is nothing like that. It takes some of the bite out of me but that is really it. I still have to deal with it instead of feeling like I'm masking my problems.

 

I can't tell you how much of this I understand, I was in a serious relationship (2years) up until 1 week ago (he left me) with a man who suffered from major depression all his life. Its difficult for the other person as well. Speaking from my experience. I've been the one in the relationship who tried to battle his depression and not so much him doing his part, I made doctors appt for him, I paid for all his medication and picked it up. But it just seems his depression was his comfort spot and his escape. I always stressed to him that his medication is what keeps him together and staying on it is KEY....He is taking 40mg of Paxil and this has killed his sex drive....but oh well, as long as his mental health is in order I am happy....Never ever stop taking your meds.....its so important for you, your husband and your relationship...