depression

Man, you guys are a trip.

 

Here's a bit of additional input.

This is a game we're playing. Each player has their own rules by which they play. At some point we may recognize that another player doesn't play by the same rules, and if we hold them to the expectation that they play by our rules then no doubt at some point we will recognize the futility of that perception. When there are conflicting rules in a game the players have to either (a)adapt to the situation at hand and change their rules, (b)continue playing in a dysfunctional and unproductive fashion, or (c) STOP playing the game.

Regardless of what game another may be playing I know I can always rely on my very own private game which bears no dependence on anyone else. I'm here to learn FOR MYSELF. It doesn't matter what anyone else learns from me or because of me. It doesn't matter what my input or presence may spark in them. What matters is "WHAT DOES THEIR PRESENCE SPARK IN ME?". The epitome of self-centeredness! Hahahaha!

 

Hmmm...I think I will slip over to the Weird Bizarre and Mysterious Forum...or maybe I'm already there...LOL...

 

...when I see the Light in others I am seeing the Light in myself...when I see darkness in others I am seeing the darkness in myself...

 

Oh it is in part my own darkness that I see in zen, Windy. The difference is that I am cognizant of and fully embodying that darkness, while he well...isn't.

Travis

 

...but what makes you think he is not aware of his "self" his darkness...I think I can quote him as saying "he has the ego that ate the galaxy"...lol...myself, I think he is fully aware.

 

It is ironically this exact type of self-deprecation that serves to obscure his awareness.

Travis

 

You're right, blues. And the point of futility has arrived. I think it's time to change the rules.

 

Ya know, people really "shouldn't" be any different than they are. It's one of those paradoxes that keeps coming back to me over and over. It's a strange yet joyous surrender, a release of pent up energy (resistance), when we really get that on a visceral level. You helped me learn that lesson not too long ago, Zen. And I thank you for it. You played your part perfectly and I received the gift. And how incredible to discover that I now perceive you entirely differently than before. hahaha! What changed... you are me? LOLOL!

Clarity dawns in the hour of our distraction. When we cease to chase and conquer it.

Some gifts just keep on giving. Well I suppose they all do, as long as they continue to show up for us. And how do we know it's a gift? Because it's here in front of us.. whatever or whoever it may be.

I notice that I still continue the game of resistance and projection, in various ways. But always there's a space of attention that surrounds it. And with each surrender, small and large, I am left lighter and freer. I don't know how long this game will last, but I don't need it to be over. I'm content to let it play out as long as need be. What's the alternative? It is as it is.

I like how when I click the button, it reads "submit reply".

 

All of us are always changing...and I perceive you differently now than then.

It's been an..."interesting" day for me. Lots of thoughts.

You know of course, that radar's right about the darkness inside me.

But the point is: Who gives a shit?

The darkness is good. I've carried this darkness with me since I was too small to remember. Where did it come from? I started reading Edgar Alan Poe stories when I was only a lousy 11 years old...and then I moved on to H. P. Lovecraft. Horror and mystery.

And the darkness is...fun.

Darkness is necessary to create interesting stories. And interesting stories is a major part of what we're here for, I think.

All day I've resisted surrender. But it slowly crept up on me, and your post has helped me accept it.

I just finished watching a movie called The Game. Directed by David Fincher, the same guy who directed Fight Club. This guy seems to keep making movies about my life. LOL He must know something...

Resistance and projection...I think the point is that these things don't matter when we see them for what they are...and laugh at them.

Laughing seems to be important.

You know, the ability to laugh is an evolutionary attribute that takes sadness and sorrow and converts it to something...pleasant, fun, ecstatic...laughter is so human.

I'm reminded of Hermann Hesse's novel, Steppenwolf, where Mozart tries to teach the narrator to laugh.

Lighter and freer.

And you play your part perfectly too.

"Everthing is perfect, but there is a lot of room for improvement." -Shunryu Suzuki

 

I confess, Travis, you almost had me convinced of this.

How does that make you feel?

 

Is it better than spending five dollars at the video rental?

 

In all honesty: A combination of sadness and satisfaction. I have a way of exposing people to more truth about themselves then they're prepared to handle. That is what the darkness in me wants.

Travis

 

yes

Is that a "loaded" question?

And of course the answer is: You do. But perhaps in a healthy enough way, otherwise the denial would be all but complete.

Substitute "ego" for "darkness" and we can see what comprises the human condition. We don't have to judge it, just simply recognize false as false and true as true.

Hmm... I'll have to check it out.

Yes.

 

does it want the same for you?

 

Hmmm...good question.

I think the darkness in me could be compared to the archetype of a figure like the Emperor from Star Wars. It wants absolute power through domination, but the pursuit of that power brings about its own downfall.

Travis

 

YES! I don't like spending money, and I can't stand movies anyways.

Yeah, I agree.

 

And in truth, I might be prepared to handle more truth than you might expect.

Handling truth is my ultimate goal. Will you help me with this?

 

Travis, we're closer than you might suspect.

I agree that the spirits have moved beyond what is understandable and acceptable, and they have left us on our own to move beyond...what is given...

And I need to ask...what if anything are you getting from this?

 

In my experience anyway, yes, we are mutch closer to the truth than we think, indeed the further away you feel you are from what you expect the truth to be, the closer you probably are... at least that was how it felt for me and 'ego death' sums it up pretty well ...a simple change of focus and perception. Seeing through the illusion of a mind made self to what is actually real and true. I recall Eckhart saying that "the truth can come just as easily to the 'sinner' as to the 'saint'" ... but he's being descriptive ... there's really no such thing as a sinner or saint in those terms. Sure there's thoughts and deeds which can be considered creative and destructive but to me spirituality is to a large degree about the ability to look beyond and within that ... because we all have the potential to be either and indeed most of us are prompted and moved by a mixture of thoughts and behaviours. People generally don't take issue with 'good' behaviour ... that's easy stuff; no it's always the bad thinking and behaviour that drives the 'good and saintly' people crazy ...and they secretly love it because they glean identity from it though of course they don't know it, it's unconcious. My spiritual path started because someone i revered and who's word i wished to believe, practically called me a sinner and would have nothing more to do with me ... so this led to enquiry. These days I find it fascinating how people judge and blame eachother... if only they knew they were talking to a mirror. So this for me is a large part of how we deal with 'what is' ... how do we react to the reflection? Do we spit and curse and blame, and destroy the 'enemy' or do we have acceptance and love and decide to do something constructive and work with our reflection. Yet have you noticed with mirrors ... that the reflection can only do what you do yourself?

... Yeah i'm a ramblin' man LOL