divorce........blah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor Funky!
I would suggest trying some counseling, but I know you don't have money laying around for that. Can you have "family meetings"? The kids are a little young for input, but you and hubby can sit at the table and talk things over, like every Wednesday night, for example. Then you can see if you're making any progress, and keep track of the money coming in/out.
People with spending problems usually don't realise what they're spending, they just chip away at the bank account until there's none left. If you write down where every dollar went, he may begin to see.
I know you feel like there's a pile of problems, but $$$ is probably behind more of them than it appears.
I wish you the best.

 

I see you're from NC... if you happen to be anywhere around Raleigh, call the Poe Crisis Center and let them know what the issue is and get some recommendations, they should be able to help... if not, your regular family doc usually can help too

 

http://www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com/PATraits.html

 

I would suggest counseling. But the thing about counseling is that both of you have to really want to make it work and be willing to work to do that. When my ex came home one day and said he wanted a divorce I asked him to go to counseling. He refused for awhile, then he agreed and we went. The first question the counselor asked him was if he really wanted to make an effort to save the marriage. He said "no" and the counselor said there was nothing she could do for us. We divorced.


One thing you need to remember is that you're both young and need time to learn how to be adults and how to have a healthy adult relationship. And no one is perfect. Your husband will never be perfect just like you aren't perfect and neither am I. There's a very good reason why marriage vows say "for better, for worse, in good times and bad." There will be bad times in a marriage. There will be bad times in life. If you give up on a marriage because there are bad times then you will never have a marriage that lasts.

I say that if you are both taking your vows seriously and want to try to make it work then keep trying. But if one of you gives up...I don't know how that can be repaired.

 

Ah man, I didn't read all the replies but shit, I hate to read that from you Funky... You seem so much like a great person... We talked a lot all the time, I've seen many pics of you and you're one hell of a beautiful natural chick... I don't even know what to tell you right now - except that I'm very sorry that things are bad right now... I know that it ain't much but, just know that your plight doesn't leave me unsensitive...

 

wait are they his kids? i could understand him not loving them as much then i guess, but thats just not right...i'm gonna go with blackie on this one

 

Yes, they are his kids.

 

divorce is just wrong IMO

 

Seems like he's either sure enough he doesn't have to change or he's trying to get you to leave so he doesn't have to be responsible anymore. Raising childrens is a huge responsibilty that many young adults aren't up to. As far as him going back to sleep...thats just wrong period~! I'm sure you have a good child but children are still children. Wtf was he doing, going back to sleep and leaving a child that young awake and unattended~!

 

If I were in your position, I would be thinking of my kids- they're so precious right now, everything's going to impact them

 

Decide whether it's better for them to stay where you are, or to move out

 

funky have you tried more traditional methods? Like denying him sex? Ignoring him?



you married him. he is yours to train.

rarely do men know and do what they are supposed to when it comes to kids and the house and stuff
the ones that do, do it because WE MAKE THEM!

its boot camp time

make his life miserable until he shapes up or leaves

but don't give up cause the kids will grow up and blame you for leaving their daddy

I know you can do it, you're a woman

get creative and don't be afraid to be a major bitch

 

Shit, in my marriage if I didn't do it it wouldn't get done. My ex couldn't be bothered.

 

I ask this as a general question. What ever happened to communicating? Why do people stop talking to one another?

Funky I am so sorry your going through this. It can't be easy and having children on top of it just makes it all the more complicated.

Even if you feel like your falling out of love, the love can come back. Is it possible for your Mom or someone you know to watch the children for a few hours so you and Jason can sit and really talk to one another? Cry, talk, hug...communicate. Tell him how you feel, what you need from him. Ask him to tell you how he feels and what he needs from you. This is a marriage. Both should honor it. That is just my opinion. What you decide to do is your right.

There is so much out there for the two of you to help you re-connect. He almost sounds like he is lost. Is he depressed? Is there something going on with him and he doesn't know how to talk about it and in return he becomes irresponsible to his family?

I love you Funky. My prayers are with you and your family.

 

so i had a short conversation with "THE WALL" last night and it didnt lead anywhere....... blah!! I am gonna try again and again untill he opens up. I ended up in bed at 9 cuz I was bored with watching him play Madden all night....... I got up this morning to tell him I wold call him later and he was like "See you saturday" i am going to see lynard skynar and the allman brothers tonight and he wont go with me. WHO WOLD TURN THAT DOWN?????????? lord!!
​

 

Damn, take me!!!

 

I don't know either of you guys funky, but I agree with peanuts post above, and would definitely look into the possibility of depression... turning down that concert tonight, during this nice, cool weather, to play a video game? seriously... something's up.

 

ya better start drivin if ya wanna make it to NC in time ​

 

Boot camp, BITCH!!!

missfontella, have I told you lately how much you rock?

 

____________________________________________________
Let's start with the first part: I love my husband to death, and we have two kids. But he refuses to grow up, acts like a jerk,(He will continue to do so as long as you allow the behavior.)

Second part:doesnt help with the kids or anything around the house, and spends all our money on stupid things!(Take control of the finances and when you do this he'll respect you more. You should also make him less of a priority so that he understands that what he's doing is not acceptable. What I mean is, when he doesn't help with the kids and then asks you for something treat him like he does you.)

Third:i am just thinking, what the hell happend(He found out that he can take advantage of you and now he's going to measure just how far just like any child.)

Lastly:i love him, but it doesnt feel like we are in love anymore. we have nothing in common at all anymore(It's not the same love because he takes advantage and you're fed up with him. You might want to try discussing your problem with him and/or a counselor.)