Do I Have A Right To Be Upset?

Are you serious right now.

How is allowing your husband to verbally abuse his stepchildren the act of a mentally stable woman?

I wanted to edit to say - if the OP really was being an asshole and making his mom upset then i guess thats different. None of us really know what happened.

In general though i would not allow a man to mistreat my kid.

 

I was in the same boat. My GPA was hovering between stoner and moron. The only classes I did well in were wood shop, vocational small engines and history (of all things). But I scored really high on my ASVAB so the military was ready to have me. Otherwise it looked like I would be repeating 1/4 or so of my senior year. One credit that was fucking me was PE. I ditched it too many times.

So I did what every self-serving teenager does to rebel, lied about my age about 6 months before graduation and joined the Navy. At almost the last 3 weeks of boot camp I was called in to the captain's office where he proceeded to rip me a new one for lying to get in. Since I had high marks and didn't cause any trouble, they let me stay. My 18th birthday was still months away. But the real problem was my lack of a diploma. It meant that I wasn't going to get electrical training and a quick advance to E-4.

A Navy chaplain (of all things) actually called my high school and explained that I needed to graduate. They accepted boot camp for my PE credits and all I had to do was pass a math and english final to qualify for a diploma. What sucked was having to go back to school with no hair, in the late 70s. Everybody figured I had been in prison and gave me shit about it daily. Two months later I was walking for my paper with the rest of my fucked up classmates. A few days after that, I was on a ship in Alameda attending apprenticeship training while I waited for a seat to open in basic electricity and electronics school.

I was only in for 4 years, the military sucks. Exactly 15% of it is cool. The rest is slavish drudgery under the command of every shithead that outranks you. I regret not staying in the Navy long enough to get a college degree. But if I had to do it all over again, I would probably just sit tight and take another year of high school. The stigma of being a repeating senior and failing to "graduate with my class" would not have bothered me, most of my classmates were airheads or arrogant rich kids. I would have been free for most of the day to work and save while I looked for a junior college.

The military seemed like my only option at the time. It wasn't.

 

Do you have a right to be upset? Of course, you do. Anyone can feel whatever it is they feel. there are no wrongs in that. I would be upset if someone called me a name, and depending on who they are and what i think their motives were, that might be the last thing they ever said to me, as i would cut them out of my life. I can do that now, but l living with people....there is not always that option, though.
In a perfect world of dialogue between people.....
Your dialogue to your mom in a perfect way would be..."I appreciate that you care and are trying to make me feel better, and it helps me to know you care so much, but at this time, I prefer not to talk about it as it is making me more upset right now, and I have to think about things by myself and deal with them alone for awhile, "
In a perfect world, no parent or step parent would call their child an asshole for that....but maybe say...."Do you realize what you said is kind of ass holish to your mom, but I care about you, too...."......even though I don't think you were. you were just saying how you felt.....and were not calling anyone any names....
You have a right to your feelings whatever they may be.....

 

This situation happens, because we are human. I had something very similar happen just the other day. My husband wanted to discuss something with me, but I was too fired up emotionally and feeling too frustrated to be able to discuss the situation calmly and logically, so I told him that I didn't want to talk until I had calmed down. He tried to push the issue, and as a result, I became more and more frustrated.

In any event, I don't think you are an asshole for not wanting to discuss something at a particular time. That is your prerogative, and it is perfectly fine to need some space and time to sort your own thoughts, before having a conversation.

What was not necessary, in my opinion, was your stepfather calling you an asshole. I think that was unjustified.

On another note, I am sorry about your GPA. What a drag. Is there any way you can be proactive, and start practicing the maths you are having trouble with, on your own time? Then, when it is time to take the class again, the work will be fresh in your mind, and hopefully not too intimidating.

 

I also want to add that I know probably more than many people, that we do not live in a perfect world of dialogue....especially when high emotions are involved.....When speaking from pure feeling.....the words can come out so wrong.....do we stop and use the Queen's English and say something as perfectly as we might have with 20/20 hindsite....not usually in an emotionally charged situation....I have been there and have either retreated into a world of silence or came back swinging harder than them....with 20/20 hindsite, i would have done things differently...i would have given them the words they needed to hear instead, which I felt anyway at the time, but my hurt and anger about what they were saying and doing prevented that.......but what did I know then.

 

The fever from herpes keeps me warm

 

Step 1: Emigrate to either Japan, US, Australia, Norway

Step 2: Find a good doctor that can change you into a plus 6 foot non fat middle aged male with all your hair. People just do what you say even if you have no idea what you are doing

 

Maybe you should get a GED and move out of your verbally abusive home?

 

You have a right to be upset, but it sounds like your mom just wanted to try to help. I don't know the full conversation between you and your stepdad, but I think that in most cases, the older person in any situation should be trying to set an example.

I apologize in advance for the following reassurance

Don't get down on yourself. I crammed 4 years of college/uni into 6 years(lol, I love to say that, even 23 years later). Just don't give up, and you'll be fine.

Whatever problem you are having with math can be be worked out. It's mostly practice, repetition, and seeing it from different perspectives...even higher math. Practice with online resources (like Khan Academy, and youtube tutorials) in your spare time. The concepts will become clear sooner or later.

 

Yeah, I caught it too late to change


Hotwater

 

I don't belittle. My children. We don't know the know the back story.

I have a high schooler.

I do have to wonder, why is it your GPA was so low to begin with? And your mom didn't get involved prior?

Your stepdad calling you that...first time he ever cursed? How did you speak to your mother? My stepfather never spoke to us in that manner.