emotions...

lol...i could tell there was some overexaggeration there.
and as far as noone caring, that is just plain bullshit....if you have someone you call a friend or a girlfriend by virtue of the word, they should be a confidente.
or so i feel but perhaps i am wrong.
i have tended to be with the assholes in my life and i am done with that crap. i know we all have different sides and we all have that little asshole/bitch that resides in us....however i have been with the selfish ones....however, their lack of being able to share themselves, their entire selves is what hurt our relationships...

 

do you think some of that is instilled in us from way way back in the day when men were the hunters and gathers? do you think we have evolved in many ways but not all ways?

 

RE: and as far as noone caring, that is just plain bullshit....if you have someone you call a friend or a girlfriend by virtue of the word, they should be a confidente.
or so i feel but perhaps i am wrong.

Er, actually, in all the relationships I was in, in every argument I was in or every discussion, every aspect of how I felt about something was totally immaterial.

After my marraige collapses, which it is - I will be living on my own and very happy to die alone.

 

RE: do you think some of that is instilled in us from way way back in the day when men were the hunters and gathers?

Yup. Sociology tells us that when you're young and fertile you go for the leather clad biker guy with the criminal record and too much test - later on you look for the boring, dependable type to help raise the kids, but have trysts with the former.

So yeah, it is ingrained. Both by the moms and dads exorting their kids not to be wimps, and by guys wanting not to be the guy who holds the purses when you all go shopping.

 

ahaha....no i just went for the guys with the drugs to tell you the truth. it wasnt intentionally, it just happened

 

Don't take my comments as particularly harsh - but the fundamental truth of human relationships is savage. From a monkey brain standpoint we're inwired to go for the young, non-gravity-affected relatively slim ones, and you're inwired to go for the strongest and fittest. Not the tofu cruncher with the astmatic wheeze who whines a lot.

Why do you think we buy motorcycles and fast cars when we hit the mid life crisis?

 

cause you would rather die in a crash then share your emotions?

 

Marie - take it from personal experience. Crashing into the pavement at 50mph hurts for a short while. Whereas the whole emotional thing can be something that wrings you out for years. Dragged on and on and on. Brought up whenever.

 

lol...i was just kidding my dear irongoth. you are just as argumentative as i can be i see. i am in the middle of a divorce as well...i would think you could even possibly be the ex if it werent for the vocabulary you use and the fact you can spell your words.

i do get your point though. if you dont give the ammunition the bullets cant be shot. that is a pity. do you think you could ever change that thought? do you think love, care, and true compassion and listening could change that irongate of a feeling?

 

RE: if you dont give the ammunition the bullets cant be shot.

Both I and Naykid Ape have said this explicitly. Most other men do it by keeping their personal feelings to themselves.

RE: that is a pity. do you think you could ever change that thought? do you think love, care, and true compassion and listening could change that irongate of a feeling?

You know what? Most people watch the whole Charlie Brown and Lucy thing and think "why do you keep trying to kick the goddamn ball? Haven't you learned by now?"

 

man, i am sorry that we are a species that use that kind of stuff against you. i have been guilty of it. i have seen that. i feel ashamed for and aspire to never be that way but i wonder if i will be able to get through those walls of someone and if they will present me their little boy to hold.
but i suppose if they have gotten too hurt by the whole sharing thing, i suppose there is no hope..thats a tragedy to me actually.
but dammit....you cant learn to kick the ball if you keep failing and that makes you lose faith and therefore you stop. who knows...perhaps the next try would be the time you freaking made the furthest kick that any cartoon character ever saw

 

Uh, I'm not sure about the hunter-gatherer thing, if it's still the same...I think women & men have switched roles. That women are Hunter-gatherers like the image of Paris Hilton above & that men are now the nesters, staying at home with the kids & the remote & the SportsChannel. That's the way it is portrayed on TV, right? Everybody loved Raymond, right? So that's the way it is in MediaLand. (Which is real, right...? ...right? —Like Reality TV, right Dad? Like Survivor--that's real right? Ask your Mother! She's out shopping. (little Sister--It's not real stupid! --It's made-up: They're actors dummy!)

 

...asthmatic wheezing & self-loathing?

Because we can't run that fast... aahh, who cares as long as we get laid?

His><Hers —Fittest?...Caaachching!!! Oh--you mean FITTE$$!

 

Yeah, that's what it is. "Take it like a man!" "Don't act like a girl!" "Boys don't Cry!" "Why don't you just be a man about it & act like it never happened?"

We were taught to prefer women as the weaker sex. Now they either thank you or give you a dirty look when you open a door for them, depending on (1) Their age--yes if they are elderly or younger; maybe--if they are the same age (2) Their attire --if they have on business attire it's a no-no (3) If they are holding something it is a yes & you are rude if you do not (4) Yes, if they are holding a kid & you open the door for them as long as you do not act like they are a bad mother or try to mac on them (5) Yes if they are struggling you can open the door, but if there is some stoned musician waltzing up behind you both, that is called "pregnant" & we'd better not go there.

 

RE: man, i am sorry that we are a species that use that kind of stuff against you. i have been guilty of it. i have seen that.

Don't sweat it. Look at it this way. We're a species that sometimes batters and rapes, too - so I don't particularly mind if you look at me in a fearful way if I'm walking behind you at 3am.

RE: i feel ashamed for and aspire to never be that way but i wonder if i will be able to get through those walls of someone and if they will present me their little boy to hold.

You can't fight it - you're trained since birth to want to control everyone and everything around you.

 

RE: aahh, who cares as long as we get laid?

But but but you shouldn't want that. You should want to create deep, meaningful relationships where you share your emotions and cry and watch movies and eat ice cream while wearing fuzzy slip.... oh er right. Wrong forum ;P

Sorry, that's the last sarcastic comment I'll use.

All of this is to answer why men are emotionally distant. It's the same reason why people who grew up around porcupines keep their hands to themselves.

I won't be quite so misogynistic elsewhere or here.

 

We were taught to prefer women as the weaker sex. Now they either thank you or give you a dirty look when you open a door for them, depending on (1) Their age--yes if they are elderly or younger; maybe--if they are the same age (2) Their attire --if they have on business attire it's a no-no (3) If they are holding something it is a yes & you are rude if you do not (4) Yes, if they are holding a kid & you open the door for them as long as you do not act like they are a bad mother or try to mac on them (5) Yes if they are struggling you can open the door, but if there is some stoned musician waltzing up behind you both, that is called "pregnant" & we'd better not go there.





and we are taught to be independent now. also there arent many men that will open doors for us ladies so its foreign ground to us.
however, i agree roles have become reversed a bit...however, i am the hunter/gatherer, the supporter, the mama, the nurturer and the fighter. does that mean that i get to have sex from both sex since i play both roles in my life j/k

 

bahaha...i appreciate your sarcasm..makes me laugh and smile.
i dont know so much if its a sharing of all your emotions so much that we want as just a porthole into you guys. i suppose it is a good ass thing that i wasnt given a boy for a child because i would probably nurture him in a bassakwards way.

 

I'm probably not the best person to ask Heat.
To be honest with you I figured something out awhile ago;

Most of my life I was purposely choosing women I knew I couldn't trust, steering clear of ones I might have been able to, because for the most part I want to stay single.

So really I don't have any right to complain about it. I just forget that sometimes.

 

You can't fight it - you're trained since birth to want to control everyone and everything around you




yes we are all programmed...however, it doesnt mean we cant rewrite our particular progams. but i agree wholeheartedly that we are conditioned to be that way.