Father issues

Bradin, the answer is YES. He should do WHATEVER it takes to see his children. Especially Supervised visits. Let these assholes SEE that he is a GOOD father, and not the jerk, he is being said to be. Then, if she screws up somehow, HE gets a shot at custody. Unless he is a REAL dirtbag, it only HELPS him.

 

Happy Fathers' Day, guys.

 

Thank ya VERY MUCH, Little Sister! You're the ONLY person to tell me that THIS YEAR.

 

I have a serious relationship problem with my father.

When my parents were together they were foolish and on coke.
I guess things were okay with them for a little while but shortly after I was born the demon came out, attacking my mother with knives, even trying to hurt me. My mother did the only thing she could by fleeing across the country.

Eventually my mother came back to PA and I started weekend visits with him. He seemed to be pretty nice then, although I was always aware of his darker side. Sadly I did witness him beating his new girlfriend in hysterical rage from time to time.

By the time I reached middle school my mother had divorced our second husband and we moved from Philadelphia back to the Wilkes-Barre area and so I got to see my Dad more frequently. For a period of time in high school I actually spent more time with him than my mother, and tried to impress him with good grades and playing football. It seemed okay for a while, but one night I came home a bit late after partying with my friends and he lost it.

I had always thought my relationship was different, that he wouldn't do that to me. In the next few weeks I tried to reconcile with him, but whenever we talked I was painfully aware of how much he talked down to me. Even in the few conversations I've had with him since, I can stil hear the condescenscion in his voice. The only time I have even been able to be civil to him was at my maternal grandfather's funeral.

I know this is eating away at me, but I don't think he can ever change.
Just thinking about him makes me want to drive down to his house and stab him so I can watch him bleed to death like a pig in a slaughterhouse. I can't go more than a month or two without having a nightmare involving me killing him.

 

May I suggest Al-Anon? It's for children of users. I think it would be a safe place for you to get a bit of help with your feelings.

 

BlueBong - don't sweat him, he's an asshole. The fact that he wants nothing to do with you is more about the fact that he's a selfish abusive cokehead as opposed to ANY kind of defect on your part. You got dudes around you who'll hug you, hold you, (no Michael Jackson jokes guys) mentor you and raise you up. Go to any gym, bike shop, or anywhere else where secure guys hang around and there's ALWAYS men out there looking to help young people get started in whatever endeavour they want.

You probably have some relationships like that already - those people are more family to you than some prick who tried to kill the mother of his children.

Don't internalise these feelings. Take Matt's advice and go to an Al-Ateen.

 

I almost had to fight with the hospital to be able to bring my son home. It was really pissing me off that they decided to hold onto him until his mom was able to go home. I understand that he needed to be near her so he could eat, but we were pumping anyway. I made up my mind Saturday night, that he was coming home Sunday, whether they like it or not. Luckily I talked them into releasing my wife so there was no fight for the little man.

 

That is exactly the reason we created this Forum. And it IS only a Personal-forum. We hope ONE DAY, it becomes a PUBLIC forum like Womens Issues is now.

And you MALES! If ya knock her up, STEP UP!

 

I think both parents need to step up and take responsibility. My son has a dead beat dad, who wants nothing to do with him. He'd rather travel around and see the world instead. He won't even hold down a job and buy a pack of diapers. So to all you men doing what is right, i give a standing ovation. Well done indeed.

 

Does anyone feel that the father should have a say (contributing vote) before a woman is allowed to have an abortion?

James

 

Yes. I do. But the Father should be over-ridden by the OBGYN for the Mother's safety.
Unless, it is critical to choose. Then leave it up to the patient.

 

Just read the first post, and damn right man! Men can be awesome single parents, In NZ (im 90% sure) if you devorse then the mother automaticaly get full custody of the childen, and I think thats rubbish, the parents should get equal rights at least and a chance to be heard each side of the story. For example Ive got a good friend who had to leave his ex and the mother wasnt fit for children, drank to much etc and he had to goto caught and fight it out for months! not fair I think...
I dont really know what Im getting at here but Im all for your cause!!
GO DADS! WOOP!

Oh and in response to texasplayboy's question, I really do agree that the father should get a say in the matter... but I dont honestly know who would/should get the final say.. =/

 

Thank You very much! We need ALL the support we can get.
Come back again and lend YOUR support, Questions or Advice as it
pertains to the FATHER in any family. Including Gay parents of adopted,
or invitro children. We don't descrimitate on THIS THREAD.

 

fatherhood is precious

 

I'm glad you have this thread going and I'm glad there are good fathers out there who love their children. I have a horrible father and a screwed up childhood because of it. I used to always wish Tony Danza was my dad cause on "Who's the Boss" he was so cool! LOL. I'm silly. But yeah, my dad was/is a jerk.

 

Hello all, I'm pretty new to this forum (as u can see), but have a question. I am a newbie father (25 years old), and when I say newbie I mean that I had only held a baby prior to mine maybe twice in my life, so this parenting thing is all very new to me. I have 9 month old baby boy (that I would gladly die for) that I have been raising on my own since he was 4 months old - when his mother kicked us out due to being selfish & not wanting responsibilities. We were engaged but we were never married so the state that we lived in doesn't even consider me his legal father, which gives me very limited rights. Anyways, the mother cheated on me and didn't give a shit about me or the baby anymore only her own ass, so she kicked us out as a conveiniance. I had no family or friends there so I took my son and moved back home a couple states away to my family and friends where I can make a good income and provide. So it's been five months since the move and my son is very accustomed to his stable and happy life, and the mother is all of the sudden wanting me to give him back, give him back half of the time (6mos w/me - 6mos w/her) or she claims that she will file for custody. The only reason that she has changed her mind is becuase her family and friends pretty much disowned her for kicking her son out of her life (while he was sick for the first time might I add) and becuase her newfound lover didn't quite work out. So now I'm constantly being pressured to let her take him at least for a visit, but the thing is that I have no actual rights and she could take him and never return him legally. So thus far I've refused and only have offered her come to him and never take him out of my sight, as I don't like that she is only willing to be a mother when it's convieniant for her. Furthermore, I never realized how much that babies need consistency in their lives, when we moved and everything changed for him, it took him about a month to adjust to everything (minus his mother becuase she was never around even when we all lived in the same house), so 6 months here 6 months there will never be anything that I'll agree to because my son and his well-being is all that matters to me. So should I let her have him for visitations or should I just keep offering for her to come to us (which she never does - too far I guess)? I'm trying to look at this situation from different angles and I don't necissarily wan't my son not to have his mother in his life, but at the same time her parenting-when-it's-convieniant attitude makes me think she will do more harm than good. I'm baffled for sure, and if nobody responds thats ok becuase this is a very unique stiuation and a really lengthy post, and at least I got to rant a little. But as a side note: I got to give it up for all the single parents out there, it's hard work (and very expensive) but ultimately very, very worth it. thanx

 

Sadly, the only thing you can really do, is to share custody with her.
Since the child doesn't have any of your genetic material, she gets legal rights.
What I suggest, is you Adopt him. Then, if she gets pissy again
there will be some good you can do about it.

 

Well the baby looks exactly like me and has my last name already - I will get a DNA test to prove this if need be, or do you think it would be easier to just adopt? Thanks for responding btw, I'm really naive in this department.

 

ok now I know the laws differ in the states then to what they do in canada, but I know here even if you have no married rights you do paternally
is your name on his birth certifigate?
if so file for custody, It probally wuld have been best before so.
also, women like that are easily led, I know it sounds harsh but offer her money ..as much as you can come up with she will sign whatever you want so she can get her cash, at that time noterise the aggreement, even if in the agreement she has visitation rights, but make sure you leave a clause that you have discretion in duration supervision ect...


if she is as selfish as you mentioned this shouldnt be hard to do.

does she know the law? for that matter do you?
if you dont get a copy of your rights a peternal father (this should be accompklisghed at city hall ..a matter of public redord)
get all the paperwork with your name and the childs and get notorised copies made....never never give the mothers lawyer an original
its unethical but the lawyer will just missplace it and then file within the time you do not have leal proof.

record every conversation with her, ether by writting, vocal recording whatever ..save everything you can.

get the neccessary bloodwork done.

all of this is expensive but I am damn sure your misinformed about your rights. and if its only in that state ..go to another one where you do have rights. and file there

he who files first wins...9 out of 10

I mean your probally all good anyway, what sort of judge male or female would give that child back?
a mother who gives up her child for a date????
fuck man Im prayin for ya ....

oh yeah get involved in a church, even if you dont have faith , america is crazy about religion, even if its technically seperated from the state ...its not really at all.

DONT TELL HER WHAT YOU AE DOING

women are tricky coniving creatures, thats why they keep destroying us in divorces, men get angry and beat with closed fists, women get angry and tear claw and induce pain

I saw what happened to my father because he was misinfprmed....it took him 35 years to get back to where he was when he was first in canada.



NO dont do the adption route at all,
you are the father, if you try even try to adopt the first thing they will do is find out the standing legal custody arrangement.

there are mens rights groups all over the place, google it and find a chapter in your area many will help pro bono (free)

seriously man keep your distance from the mom.....far away and dont let her get involved in your life or affairs.

peace man...good luck

 

Just make sure to introduce him to the condom. Nothing you can do about it except help protect him from diseases and from accidently creating babies. Most guys I believe lose their virginity at like 14 now or sometimes younger, sad but true. I know I lost mine at 16 even though my parents were very against sex until married, it happens.