Fave Monty Python Bit

Palin: Today, I have with me in the studio one of the countries leading skin specialists, Raymond Luxury yacht.

Chapman: that's not my name!

Palin: I'm sorry. Raymond Luxury Yatcht.

Chapman: No, no, no. It's spelt raymond Luxury yatcht, but it's prounounced Throat Wobbler mangrove!

Palin: You're a very silly man, and I'm not going to interview you.

Chapman: Aha! Anti-semitsm!

Palin: Not at all. It's isn't even a proper nose. It's made of polystyrene. (Grabs nose)

Chapman: Give me my nose back!

Palin: You can collect it at reception. Now go away.

Chapman: I want to be on television!

Palin: Well you can't.

But there are way too many other to choose. I like most of the obscure ones. Penguin on the television set is one of the best.

 

Most of my favorite scenes are in Life of Brian.

Such as "I'm Brian! I'm Brian! I'm Brian and so is my wife!", and when the followers chase him and misinterpert his signs.

Holy Grail is also full of neat skits. Such as...

CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch!
VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her?
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.
BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.
WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
BEDEVERE: But you are dressed as one.
WITCH: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn't -- no.
WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.
BEDEVERE: Well?
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE: The nose?
VILLAGER #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch!
CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.
BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a witch.
CROWD: Are there? What are they?
BEDEVERE: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1: More witches!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?
BEDEVERE: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah...
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond!
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead!
ARTHUR: A duck.
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEVERE: Exactly! So, logically...,
VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of
wood.
BEDEVERE: And therefore--?
VILLAGER #1: A witch!
CROWD: A witch!
BEDEVERE: We shall use my largest scales!
[yelling]
BEDEVERE: Right, remove the supports!
[whop]
[creak]
CROWD: A witch! A witch!
WITCH: It's a fair cop.
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!

 

Ahh throat wobbler mangrove...Classic

 

I like the 'Cheese Shop' that doesn't have any cheese:



John Cleese:"Look here my good man......................does this shop sell Cheese or doesn't it???".

Michael Palin:"....Of course sir..........we're a 'Cheese Shop' !!...........".

 

From 'The Meaning of Life', the Death scene:

GRIM REAPER: I am the Grim Reaper.
GEOFFREY: Who?
GRIM REAPER: The Grim Reaper.
GEOFFREY: Yes, I see.
GRIM REAPER: I am death.
GEOFFREY: Yes, well, the thing is, we've got some people from America for dinner tonight, and...
ANGELA: Who is it, darling?
GEOFFREY: It's a 'Mr. Death' or something. He's come about the reaping? I don't think we need any at the moment.