First Date Question...

how'd you do on your first date, Butters?

 

id say, go with the flow. do with what seems right at the time.. huggin her and kissin her will not be out of line if she likes u back.. it will be just cute and welcome..

make a move to hug her, and see if she responds to it.. if she wants a kiss it will be obvious..
dont stress out, it'll go alright.. u sound like u have the best intentions, she'll see it

 

Haven't had it yet, it won't be for another few weeks when school starts. BUT, her and I both are arriving on Sunday, and school doesn't officially begin until Wednesday, so that leave three days with no schoolwork to worry about...very good potential there. Keep the advice coming everyone, I appreciate it all!!!

 

Man, you'd love to live in Ireland. There's no such thing as going out on dates. Dating doesn't involve going out for dinner, you don't need a car. It's just all, if you fancy them, if you get to ask to go out or kiss, and it works out, you go out and keep in contact and kiss in town and all that. Maybe the cinema in the day time.

Dates like dinner is for those practically married!!!


Shee seems to enjoy your company, so just take it easy, and try to add a personal touch to it... Like if she said she likes paintball!! *oh ho, ten things i hate about you!*

Just do what feels right in the chemistry....

 

It all depends on what type of girl she is. If she is a modern woman (feminist, or career woman type) then you might actually piss her off if you are always opening doors, standing up when she does, and making sure you are always walking on the correct side of her and all that. However if she is more traditional she might love that kind of stuff. Try to relax and not force it, just treat her nicely.
I would say kissing is rather standard for a first date in America, but it is much better if you have a good moment rather than waiting until you drop her off.

 

good to see you're out there again butters.

i'm all for 'modern women' and feminism, equality is a great thing, BUT: definitly open doors for her. be polite. expect to pay. don't talk on your phone. pay attention to her.

as far as the date itself goes, quit thinkin so much. damn son. calm down.

you also haven't told us what you're doing on the date, so i can't toss up any pointers there.

but, it sounds like your pretty concerned with the end of the date, probably that "do i kiss her?" moment.

most likely, you'll be driving back from wherever you go, and you'll stop in front of her house. you'll turn off the car, and get out. if you can, walk around the front of the car, and open her door for her. but, most likely she'll do that herself. so you walk her to her front door, and you're both just kinda standin there. you say the "i had fun, i'd like to see you again" or whatever cheesy line you prefer here. she'll say something similiar most likely.

and then she's just kinda standin there. maybe playing with her house keys, looking down at her shoes and then back at you, just standing. that's code green man. go for it, kiss that girl. you won't have to rush it, she'll be waiting on you to do it if she's ready.

if she's not, then you won't get the moment, she'll say "hey , i had fun too, bye!" and then poof! she's in her house.

 

First off, glad to see you in my threads again, Trotsky.

Okay, what I was planning, and what she pretty much knows we'll do, is I was planning on going to dinner somewhere, and then going bowling. I thought bowling because movies aren't very personal, because you can't talk, and I know both her and I love bowling alot, so I know she would have fun there. Dinner beforehand...I was thinking someplace like Applebees, Fridays, Garfield's, some type of sit-down place like that, but not too extremely upscale that it would intimidate her or something. Sound okay?

You're exactly right. Hahahaha. Of course, with me being the nervous guy I always seem to be, that's a big "what the hell do I do?" question for me. I think you answered that pretty well though. Some girls I know have actually told me before that they like it when guys ask them first, something about caring enough about what they want and stuff. But I think your response may be more accurate there. And like Tropisms said, and I think he's right, a kiss on the first date is pretty standard on first dates now.

And I don't know if it helps at all, but to describe her...she is a very sarcastic person with a real dry sense of humor (I'm the same way), and I know that she thinks it is polite of guys to open doors and such, so she likes that. I know she has been on some dates before, but I'm pretty sure she has never really had a boyfriend, or if so, it wasn't for a really long time, because she hasn't been "looking" for guys, because she claims most guys she's met are a-holes or aren't any fun. That being said, I must be doing something right for her to like me and want to go out with me.

 

Just, what ever you do at the end of the night, DONT BE SHY! If she likes you and she knows you like her, kiss her. Or hug her, then see where that goes. Nothing I hate more when a guy that I can tell obviously likes me, is too affraid to kiss me or anything.

Oh, and on the date, just be yourself, she obviously likes you for a reason so just talk to her like you always have. If you see a movie, see one that you can talk about afterwards, or laugh about.

 

great plan on the casual/fun dinner atmosphere and bowling!

both give you great opportunity to talk to eachother, as opposed to a movie.

but, i wouldn't talk about it being your first date or any of that, and i wouldn't ask if she's dated before or that. of course, if she brings it up, and wants to, than by all means. otherwise, i'd leave that out. girls like a confident man. and if you're nervous, fake confidence. not bravado, or machismo, or any of that. just be polite. be sure you've got atleast that down.

watch james bond. he opens doors, speaks nicely, pulls out chairs, all that good stuff. if sean connery tells you to do it, by gawd, you do it.

keep us posted!

 

Thanks for all the help everyone. I shall keep you posted, just a few more weeks until school starts, then the big night! And yes, Trotsky, if Sean Connery tells you to do it, you do it! I consider myself a very Sean Connery-like guy...excpet without the cool accent and weapons. I think I'll do alright, I have confidence in myself, and I'm nearly 100% sure she likes me. Thanks again, and any more advice anyone has would still be appreciated of course! I'll keep you updated....

 

best advice -- absolutely solid gold

 

You need to watch the movie "Hitch". I have recommended it to my guy friends for dating success...

As far as the kiss goes. If she's fumbling with her keys, or lingering at the door...she wants a kiss. Go 90% in and let her come the next 10%.

Dating success.

 

Okay...I asked her out last night. I thought it was kind of a neat time and place to do it too, I met her in the plaza of my school around 11:00pm or so, and it was a pretty night and quiet and just really cool. But, since this is Butters we're talking about here, did everything go perfectly smoothly? Of course not! Haha, for some reason girls can never just make things easy for me, and I don't know why. Here's what happened...

She's been waiting for me to ask. She likes me, I know it, everyone knows it. She's just been waiting for me to finally do it. So, when I did it last night, I got an answer I was NOT expecting.....She told me that she'd like to go on a date with me...but that she just wants to go on this date with me and nothing more, that she doesn't want to pursue anything further.....Now, am I mistaken here, but I thought that if you go on a date with someone, its because you may want to start a relationship with that person! Could it be that she emans not right this instant? Or what? I didin't understand that answer at all. I mean, I aksed her out before school ended, and she said she'd love to, but to wait until Fall started. So I did, and I aksed again, and now I get the..."I want to, but just one date and thats it."...answer. She likes me, its 100% that she does. So why this answer? Do I have hope to be in a relationship with her at all? She's never been in one before, so is she maybe intimidated or scared? What do you all think? I've asked friends here, and no one can give ma an answer, everyone thinks its odd......So a little more help for Butters please?

 

Maybe it's some sort of twisted hard to get thing? Or maybe she just isn't interested but is going to go out of politeness? I say just go on the date and be polite and all that, then don't persue anything, and wait to see what her action is.

 

That's tricky. It also puts the pressure on you to make sure the date is good; however, that pressure likely won't make the date go any better. Be calm, and be yourself - don't try to be any different. If you get ackward silent moments, just be capable of thinking of random conversation to end them; at the right time, if you just feel like you must kiss her, she will feel the same, and you can do it.

Then, when the night goes very well, which I'm sure it will, you can say "hey... how about we go one just one more date?" Or, you can be up front with her. "I thought about you all summer. I have been looking forward to this day more than I have any other day in my entire life [you might want to tone it down to not seem obessive, but that's upt o you]. I'm not saying I want to rush into anything with you, I want to take it slow and smoothly, but why did you say that thing about one date? It really confused me."

 

i feel for you.

at the end of the date just say "i really enjoyed spending time with you". it comes across as you like her and are interested in her without sounding desperate or rehearsed.


i really do feel for you - you've got the perfect girl for you and she's playing mind games.

 

Eh, that's about what I was trying to get at.

 

Thanks man, that's exactly how I feel. I mean, I asked her out at the end of the school year (back in June) and she said she'd love to, but since it was last minute and all, she said to wait until the Fall. So I did. All summer long we talked almost everyday. We would call randmoly just to say hi, she would too, and we got along so well. We agree on nearly everything, our senses of humor are the exact same, she's never had a boyfriend, and I've never really had a girlfreind either, so we're both inexperienced, and I'm not a clingy kind of guy, which she doesn't like, so its all perfect. Plus, everyone would tell me stories all the time of things she would say to her friends about me and such, and like two days ago, a comment was kind of blurted out from one of her friends that I was "her man" or something of the sort, and she got flustered and red-faced, but DID NOT deny anything. I just don't understand it at all, I thought things were going better than great, I mean, she was even sad a few days ago because, as I found out later on, apperantly there was a "moment" where she was just waiting for me to ask, but I didn't, so then she was kind of dissapointed the rest of the day. I DON'T GET IT. All of these signs, all that she does, the way she acts, she likes me, I know she does. And she knows I like her alot, and she knows I'm a nice guy and would never do anything to hurt her. Then why do you say now, when I finally ask you, that you just want one date and thats it?! Nothing adds up at all. I don't want all of this to have been in vain. I don't want to go on this date tonight with the feeling that its wasted effort. I want her, I want to show her how much I care, I want her to know I would do anything to make her happy. I just want to know WHY. WHY don't you want a relationship....thats what I need to know.

 

Butters,
Welcome to the wonderful and mysterious world of WOMEN. It can take years, if not a life time, to figure them out.
You should stop worrying about what she meant with what she said and just go out and have a good time. Be yourself. From reading all of your other posts in this thread, it sounds like she likes you, and being yourself is your best bet. If this is true, she will want to hang out with you more after your first date.
You also have to figure that this is all new territory for her as well. She is probably just as nervous as you are and might not have really meant what she said.

Good luck,
Drift

 

Make sure to kino her (touch her a little while talking, etc.) and make yourself hte prize, not her (ie instead of saying, can i go out with you next week?, next week you can go out with me. That will keep her interested.

If you just got her number, wait at least 2 days to call her back or you will seem desperate (some exceptions do apply).

Try and get a kiss by the end of the date, at least hug. If I don't get a hug I'd usually NEXT the girl.

When you talk with her, try to get something that brings out emotion, and try to get that positive. That way she will connect positive feelings with you. Like, if she says she works at Hollister. Say, "Oh, do you LIKE working at hollister?"

Don't spend a ton of money, like a walk arround a park or something will do for the first date. If the tab gets pick make her pay a little otherwise she's taking advantage of you.

KINO IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO.

Above all, have fun