Funniest Lines From THE SIMPSONS...

homer & otto are in the attic stoned and otto says something along the lines of:
"I don't know why they call them fingers. You never really see them fing."-otto

"It tastes like... burning." -ralph

 

Marge: where'd homer go?
Patty and Selma: he disappeared into fat air



heehee

 

Smithers and Mr. Burns have just witnessed the (faked) death of Homer:

Burns: Smithers, who was that corpse?

Later in the same episode, Lisa and Homer's mum are singing Blowin' in the Wind...

Lisa & Mum: How many roads must a man walk down...

Homer: Three.

Lisa: No dad, it's a rhetorical question.

Homer: Ooh, I see...Five!

 

Wow... I can't believe I read this whole thread.

Malibu stacey: let's put on make-up so the boys will like us.

Bart: Dad, why did you take me to a gay steel mill?

Homer to Mindy in the elevator:
So, it looks like we'll be going down together, I mean, getting off together... D'oh!

The frogurt man: It comes with a free frozen yoghurt, which I call frogurt.
Homer: that's good
Frogurt man: the frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: that's bad
Frogurt man: But the frogurt comes with sprinkles
Homer: that's good
Frogurt man: the sprinkels contain benzodiazioxide.
Homer: *stares blankly*
Frogurt man: that's bad!

 

Homer has gone into a lighthouse and stands in front of the bulb; Lisa and Bart see his sillouette in the sky.

Bart: Hey, isn't that dad?

Lisa: Either that or Batman's really let himself go.

 

Homer's going on a freakout with a couple of hippies, and they're playing "Incense and Peppermints" in the car.

Homer: How'd you expect to freak anyone out with this music? Good thing I brought this tape along... (Puts on tape of "Uptown Girl," while hippies look bemused.)

 

homer:its a boy and what a boy

docter:[size=-1]That's its umbilical cord. It's a girl[/size]

 

Did anyone mention this one yet?

Marge: Quick! Somebody perform CPR!
Homer: Umm... I see a bad moon rising... Looks like we're in for nasty weather...

 

Totally forgot about that one

/pure gold

 

Homer & Marge are arguing upstairs with Bart & Lisa listening downstairs,


Bart: 'Lets go before dad starts doing a bad impression of mom'

As they leave you can hear Homer from upstairs saying (in a hilarious 'Marge' voice!!!!)

'Oooh, look at me, i'm Marge Simpson, don't eat off the floor!!'

His tone of voice is absolutely brilliant and had me rollong about laughing for ages when I heard it, think I missed the rest of the episode cos of it!!

 

Last night Homer says something along the lines of: "Where are we going to attack next; North Korea maybe Iran. Who knows with Commander Cuckoobananas." I can't remember it word for word but it had me laughing.

Last week Homer saw that movie about the rapture and got scared for his soul. He is in his house talking to people about it when Ned walks by and tells Homer that he would like to join his rapture party and Homer tells him that it's actually a Gay Witches for Abortion meeting.

 

When Bart was singing "Don't have a cow man, don't have a cow man, have some fish instead!".

 

After Ned slept with a movie star she says she doesn't want to get married, he replies with

'well unlike the bible, i guess this isn't going to have a happy ending'

 

im a MURD-DIDELY-ERER

 

JEVUS SAVE ME has always made me laugh

 

i dont remember the words but my favorite is when Lisa has the news show and goes to interview the crazy cat woman.

and then

Bart: I dont remember anything past 10 minutes ago.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Bart: Hey, what's so funny?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Homer: what should i do with all this dirty money?
Lisa: well theres alot of needy children
Homer: So your saying i should buy a gun

Moe: POW! the old fork in the eye

 

OK, i read a few pages to check if someone already put this, but i don't feel like reading all the other pages, there are too many..so..i'm sorry if someone really did write it before me..
HOMER: If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it.Now, quiet! They're about to announce the winning lottery numbers.

 

Willie: Eh, it won't last, brothers and sisters are natural born enemies, just like the English and Scots. Or the Irish and Scots. Or the Swedes and Scots. Or the Japanese and Scots. Or the Scots and Scots. Ack, damn Scots, they ruined Scotland.

 

homer to mr. burns while stoned
"you're covered in a very fine fuzz"