Girlfriend moving in with male roomates?

True it is a red flag for later in the relationship.

 

Lol good luck brah

 

I wouldn't be happy at all.
Ask her how would she feel if you have moved somewhere with 3 female room-mates.

 

Sound like trouble my man. I mean let's be honest here and admit that girls that age are bound to be not just extremely attractive to packs of hormone crazed males, but themselves not short on better judgment overruling hormones, either. What a nightmare! The thing is you have no real choice than to give her the benefit of the doubt. Try not to stress out and play it cool - but don't let her think your feelings aren't important. You're still in the early stages of a relationship so now the thing is to show her a good time. If she does violate your trust at some point you'll be sure to find out soon enough because if she's not a complete psychopath she'll impart this information on you eventual. But until something like that comes up I recommend you make your anxiety work for you and make love to this girl as if you're in competition with said roommates. Show her who's boss in the bedroom.

 

if you don't trust her enough to not fuck someone just because of their proximity, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with her.

 

^yeah you see I reject this comment eggs, because I've known guys who have been secure enough to trust their girlfriend, and then they just got burned/crushed and their perspective on how to trust a women in a relationship was forever marred their mental-trust virginity.


No healthy skepticism is okay.

 

Learn how to fucking write.

 

...sounds like an episode of New Girl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnIMy44uqB8"]Pilot - YouTube

 

I agree it's about trust 100%.

If the relationship is strong then it won't break

 

Already posted here. I am. A dumbass.

 

I'm not sure how you brought it up, but according to how you brought it up I might agree with your girlfriend.

I mean if she needs somewhere to live and she found some roomies that SHE trusts...then she doesn't want to go out there trying to find some other people who she feels won't be as trustworthy. Finding roomates isn't easy, I don't blame her for not wanting to try to find others when she already feels comfortable with her choice.

She said she understands where you're coming from and I think you should accept that. There's nothing wrong with saying "hey I'm concerned about this", but asking her to find somewhere else is beyond the level of control you should have over her life.

 

op: 11-05-***2012***

 

Dammit. Thanks e7m8.

I'm just bored and responding to new posts.

 

^

That's ok. It's especially confusing because the month is correct for a recent thread

 

Someone is bumping old threads in a smart way as to confuse us.

I wish the OP would respond and update us on what happened.

But while this is an old thread, lets continue the discussion about the OP's situation as a general topic. It is a fresh topic compared to some of the other topics that are in "new threads" but are rehashed all the time.

But that's the rub though isn't it? Does the person who says "they understand where you're coming from" REALLY understand why their partner is concerned?

I typically have seen rebuttals, take the conversational tone, as if they feel they are being put on trial by their partner, as if it was lack of trust in the relationship and that the "concern" comes out of selfishness. I actually think it is a fallacy to jump to that conclusion.

Trust in this situation should only go so far as the trust your PARTNER's behavior.

The flipside is that the boyfriend or girlfriend, can be suspicious about the "roomies" is valid, and the trust card does NOT apply in relying on their partner to be an accurate judge of character of her roommates.

It is also a valid point to be suspicious about males who ASK for a female to room with them.

IF PEOPLE WERE THAT GOOD in GENERAL at judging people and figuring out if they were good or bad for them, you'd see a lot LESS failed relationship that started out good and ended badly, and a LOT LESS success from sociopathic con-artists.

---

That being said, in the above situation, like the OP finds himself in, there's not much that can change.

The best compromise the OP can ask of his girlfriend, or one in his situation can ask for is to ask for her to call him at a certain time everyday to give him assurance that she's okay and safe.


He and his girl, should also research how to safety-proof doors and windows, to make sure her privacy isn't violated.

(These are small tricks that law enforcement officers are taught to use when they are undercover and they're pretty simple tricks such as placing a sticky post-it-note over the gap between the door and the door frame, window and window frame and, all the dresser drawers).


The boyfriend also needs to give assurance that if something BAD DOES happen to his girlfriend from her roommate situation, that he will NOT play the "I TOLD YOU SO! --- IF YOU HAD JUST LISTENED TO ME!" blame game. (I'm basically implying sexual assault cases here)


If she cheats on you, and violates your trust, then just break up or work through it, that's up to you. (not sexual assault just a normal violation of relationship-trust, handle it like any other cheating situation)

----

So let's reiterate:

1. Set up a calling system (Add in code phrases that signify: I'm in danger like: "Hey are you free to meet up at (a restaurant or bar's name) later?" The trick here is that the bar or restaurant's name doesn't actually exist so that way the other person knows that someone just called for HELP in a cryptic way, in case someone is like forcing her to make a call to tell his/her "buddy" that everything is really alright when really it's not.

2. Teach tips and tricks for the protection of belongings

3. Ask that she take self-defense classes

 

Ask her if you can move in with women. That will answer your question.

 

shes getting the DP bro, sorry to break the news to ya..

 

:iagree:

 

What is DP?

 

Learn How To Mind Your Own Business....



Cheers Glen.