Girlfriend unwilling to have sex...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Spunkey, Jun 26, 2009.

  1. Spunkey

    Spunkey Member

    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    She does tell me that she loves me, but 70% of the time I have to tell her that I love her first then she says it back. I'm sure she means it (Y). I love her so much man, I wouldn't trade for the world!
     
  2. metaphysica

    metaphysica Member

    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am sorry to hear that... I can give you a perspective from someone who also is quite uncomfortable having sex often.

    First off it sounds like she is very insecure. if she is insecure then she will have a VERY hard time opening up, emotionally and physically (these two aspects are very much interconnected or so i think). If you have to say i love you or do things sexually first it may be because she is unsure if YOU want it, she is unsure if you want it and insecure about her own judgements.

    i feel this way very often, maybe she has a similar mindset as i do.

    try not to take it personally and just talk to her and make her feel comfortable.

    putting it into perspective if you really want to be with her for a long time then 1 or 2 years of working on her comfortability is nothing in comparison.

    I hope that helps! Best of luck
     
  3. deleted

    deleted Visitor

    fuck her.
     
  4. Crystalsatreehugger

    Crystalsatreehugger Member

    Messages:
    884
    Likes Received:
    0
    There may be some things you don't know. You can be a virgin and still have dealt with sexual abuse (maybe she's hidden it so low it's subconscious as oppose to conscious), or she may call herself a virgin b/c she was not "willing" and that doesn't count. Psychologically we can a lot to ourselves.

    Something is wrong, and that is my best guess.

    Have no idea what low libido feels like though, thank god.
     
  5. clitorisjunkie

    clitorisjunkie Member

    Messages:
    451
    Likes Received:
    7
    CassLCro (words below) articulated the most likely scenario. Speculation about "issues" or "molestation" are far too low by mere chance for the average garden variety "fuck-less" relationship.

     
  6. RobynCB90

    RobynCB90 Member

    Messages:
    719
    Likes Received:
    2
    I think she just doesn't want to have sex. Maybe she doesn't enjoy it because she's new to it. It may take a while for a girl to really start enjoying sex. I was like this when I first started having sex, I would tell my boyfriend that he was obsessed, when I knew he wasn't. After awhile, I realized I was just being immature about the whole thing.

    I'm not sure what talking to her will help: she may feel attacked and may go back to the argument that you just want sex from her.
     
  7. Crystalsatreehugger

    Crystalsatreehugger Member

    Messages:
    884
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yea I didn't enjoy it early on either, not that it didn't stop me though from trying. Maybe she just isn't physiologially and emotionally ready. She sounds too immature as it is already, so how could she ready.


    Don't ask for sex but romantically persuade her. A heavy hot make out session might make her feel more inclined to take it further ;)
     
  8. Hippie McRaver

    Hippie McRaver Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,444
    Likes Received:
    7
    people seem to be neglecting the fact that she could just be a bitch
     
  9. clitorisjunkie

    clitorisjunkie Member

    Messages:
    451
    Likes Received:
    7
    [​IMG]
     
  10. Mothman

    Mothman Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    29
    She doesn't seem to be very sympathetic to you dude, I wouldn't beat myself up over her feelings either, especially since she's not sharing them with you. 3 times in 9 months is fucking abnormal and she knows it! For her to then go on to tell you that all you want is sex is just a mind fuck and you should be insulted and pissed about it IMO.

    I'd bring that shit to a head and tell her we are gonna deal with this straight up or we are done and you can call it however you want cuz this shit is tired lady.
     
  11. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

    Messages:
    30,289
    Likes Received:
    8,588
    Either
    1. She doesnt like sex
    2. She doesnt like sex with you
    3. She has valid reasons for not being comfortable with sex

    Others have mentioned, 3, She may indeed have had some thing happened to her earlier on. The Op mentioned 1

    But why do guys always skip 2? Just cos she loves you, loves having you as a boyfriend doesnt mean there's any sexual chemistry.

    A bit of tough love but if its 2, either your crap at it, dont last long enough, too selfish or your nothing like her dad ;)
     
  12. Allonym

    Allonym cheesecake slut

    Messages:
    5,221
    Likes Received:
    16
    ok, 3 times in 9 months is not crazy abnormal if there are other issues at play, which you discuss with your partner. ie, lately my partner and i screw only like every other month, because we both have been under inordinate amounts of pressure for the last while. come august, we will likely be fucking like bunnies, but we have talked about our sexual realtionship issues and know that they will pass when our current hosue buying insanity passes
     
  13. ChangeHappens

    ChangeHappens Member

    Messages:
    478
    Likes Received:
    1
    Good luck.
     
  14. Spunkey

    Spunkey Member

    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks guys and gals, I thought it was just me wanting sex all of the time like she told me but I realise that it's not... It's not like I force her into sex, I talked to her and she said that she want's to do it at least once a week, but I know her, and she doesn't want that, she just want's to shut me up. We'll have sex once a week and she'll bring it back on me later telling me that I forced her... She's coming over later on today, maybe we'll have sex, maybe we won't. My bet is that she'll be awkward and start an argument over nothing just so we can skip it. Any other bets? :p
     
  15. standingseated

    standingseated A Back Scrubber

    Messages:
    945
    Likes Received:
    22
    Spunkey, if you're not going to address her issues seriously by seeking professional help, it's best if you just part ways.
    At this point, whether you actually have sex on a given day or not doesn't really matter. Your relationship has some huge, huge problems and you're either addressing them together in a realistic way, or you're wasting more time on your way to an inevitable breakup.
    And yes, you might be horrible in bed. Also, she might be an incredible bitch.

    But that's why you need professional help-- to sort all this out.
     
  16. Spunkey

    Spunkey Member

    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hmmm... I like your advice StandingSeated :D What would you recommend?
     
  17. standingseated

    standingseated A Back Scrubber

    Messages:
    945
    Likes Received:
    22
    Spunkey, I'd recommend getting third-party analysis and advice from some better qualified authority than what you'll find on a internet forum.
     
  18. Hippie McRaver

    Hippie McRaver Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,444
    Likes Received:
    7
    third party? what are you guys married? nobody wants someone else to jut into there private life, never mind sex life I cannot imagine anything more un-sexy. Forget her man she sounds like an uber dyke bitch extraordinaire. How old are you anyway OPer?
     
  19. Spunkey

    Spunkey Member

    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm 17 dude, so is she, although she's 18 in a few months.
     
  20. ChronicTom

    ChronicTom Banned

    Messages:
    6,640
    Likes Received:
    14
    1) If you love her more than anything in the world, wouldn't that include sex? So either the statement of the depths of your love are untrue, or you are getting your stated priorities screwed up...

    2) If you have only had sex 3 times in 9 months with a chick you are just dating, then you either should give up on sex, or on her. Expecting her to change anytime soon, when she won't even have an honest and open conversation with you is more then pointless, it is bordering on the extremely stupid....

    3) What her reasons for not wanting to have sex with you are, are really totally irrelevant, seems even though you stated otherwise, you want to have sex much more often then she does, to the point that you are claiming it is affecting your mental health in a negative way.

    No matter what way you look at this, the answer is the same, walk away...
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice