It is important to be weary "in dark alleys at night", but people, be careful during the day, as well. I was attacked in the parking lot of the restaurant I worked in at @8 o'clock in the morning. Not raped, but shoved around and robbed. I am a pretty strong woman, but when snuck up upon, I was pretty defenseless. It's all about being cautious and protecting yourself. I would never cross the street to avoid someone or give suspicious glances at people-but I do sometimes give a "don't fuck with me" look. Just holding my head high and proud makes me feel a little more protective of myself. BTW, why do people walk around in dark alleys alone at night?
RE: I am a pretty strong woman, but when snuck up upon, I was pretty defenseless Actually, you aren't. The evidence is that someone else was able to slap you around.
"pretty stong" not "invincible" no matter who you are somebody can come and slap you around, unless your Mike Tyson.
Yeah, well I was caught by suprise and was pushed to the ground where I hit my head on the asphalt. By the time I computed what had happened, he had my purse and was 200 ft away. My point was, that we (as in ALL people) need to be cautious at all times-whether it is midnight or in the middle of the day.
hey face it.. you can be attacked everywhere all the time basically. Where there are people, there is a chance of there being an asshole as well. Which to me means, that a deserted alley in the middle of the night gives me less chance of bumping into someone However, if you DO happen to walk into the wrong guy in an alley in the middle of the night, you're litteraly fucked. Somehow I always feel protected when it's very cold outside. Who would stand on a deserted street, freezing his balls of, waiting for that unlikely chance of a girl passing by? But yeah, you should avoid lonely places with possible scary man ofcourse, but the logic described above helps me to feel secure when I do have to go through places like that for whatever reason. Plus it helps when you psych yourself up while walking there.. like "I'm the toughest out here, there's no one to fear but me! Mwuahaha! If I meet someone else I'm gonna kick their asses!". Sad to say that I'm serious about this
I thought I was the toughtest out there in about 1st grade. The other kids made me cry... pfft, assholes. Who would stand outside freezing his balls off just to see a woman/ get her? Lemme think -Stalker -Psyco -Ex-Boyfriend -Somebody who wants revenge really bad -Somebody with a nice jacket -Somebody with a sniper rifle ... I am sure there is more, I've just yet to think of them.
-homeless guys -gang of bored guys -drug addicts/pimps/dealers (I'm serious) -guy who has just left home and is pissed off angry.... the list goes on
What a shame no one is paying any attention to what the post is about. I suppose that is what's going to happen when there's only girls posting here. Understandibly, they can't relate to what it's like to be a man assumed guilty before innocent by modern society. They've just picked up on some isolated example that they can identify with and go on endlessly about it instead of questioning or trying to empathise with the Original Poster's expression of frustration with the guilty label. No men going to add something to do with the actual subject?? No men here have examples or thoughts that can move this thread on from the indulgent digression that's taking over? No.... so this is just an extension of the women's issues forum put up to cater to a matter of conscience for 'equality'? Is it? Go on!! Prove me wrong guys, post something!
My opinion as a man: The guilt thing, sure, it happens, but I'll get over it <shrugs> not trying to be a dickhead here, but that is my true opinion.
Theres like nobody on this forum, thats the problem. Its not just women, people are paranoid. I rolled up behind this guy that was walking and he like flipped out and said "don't do that, people will think your going to stab them". Society does judge men harder. When the police come to a domestic violence crime, they beat the guy and don't question the girl.
yes. My mother abused and beat my father for many years. A peculiar thing to see knowing he was a soldier for 25 years and could kill anyone with one hand. My dad always tried to get away, sometimes he got cornered, a knife would be pulled out, so he hit back. Police arrive, into jail overnight he goes straight away, no questions asked by the police. I had a friend who had a pigment discoloration from birth around one eye. So it looked like she had a black eye. Her boyfriends always got hassle. It was difficult to walk hand in hand in public etc. Endless prejudgment of the male. Guilty before innocent.
OK, so here's a great example. I was down in Florida for the Ocala Rainbow Gathering last Winter. One night, there was this great big hub-ub. It seems that some guy had hit a woman. There were probably about a thousand people at the gathering. And as far as I could tell, about two thirds of them were hunting for this guy. They kept on coming into the camp I was at, saying his description, and asking if I'd seen them. No, I said. Help us find him! They'd say. What're you going to do when you get him, I'd ask? I got various responses. Castrate him. Beat him to a pulp. That kind of stuff. All overreactions just for hitting someone. So I stayed calm and didn't join in and concentrated on sheltering this one young woman who was on her first psychedelic trip from all of the crazy energy around. They never did find the guy. He was probably out of the area almost emediately. And I'm kinda glad they didn't, because he could have been hurt pretty bad by some crazy idiots. But eventually, we did some looking into it. And it turned out that the woman that he hit had been walking around rudely asking people for cigaretts. If they didn't have one or wouldn't give one, she's slap them. She slapped this guy multiple times in the face before he struck back and dropped her. But that didn't get into the story of the vigilantes wandering the forest looking for someone to beat up. Until calmer minds figure things out later, everyone assumes that some man who hit some woman must be a vicious beast worthy of torture.
And that kind of thing scares the hell of out me. I wouldn't be suprised if I saw somebody hung from a tree at school or one of my friends tazered to death during lunch, though I would be pissed off and paranoid, and very sad if it was my friend. I can't handle sadness right now.
People should check out the "Scary Men" thread in the Women's Issues forum for a feminine perspective. http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=114711
yeah, don't take it personally. many of us have experiences that make us respond this way. we're probably never gonna see you again, jsut understand that we've learned through rough experience to be extremely cautious. though i never walk ANYWHERE at night by myself. i would consider that pretty reckless behavior.
I wish more guys would respond to this. I sympathize with dhARmaMiLlO that this has to suck, but you just have to deal with it. This isn't really the same as being blamed for everything wrong that ever happened like the guy in the women's lit class. That's just dumb and unfounded. I feel the same way when my mom spouts off about how everything bad that ever happened is our fault because we're white. I have never owned slaves or invaded anything. It gets sickening. I have been sexually assaulted. Once a guy pretending to be jogging ran up behind me and grabbed me. I could feel him staring at me from more than a block away. There were people on their porch across the street, but when I screamed for help they did nothing but watch. However, someone finally answered their door and it was another man that I didn't know that let me hide in his apartment and call the cops. So, I know, of course, that not all men are creeps. The guy that attacked me was arrested by two big lesbians who were very happy to take him down. Anyway.....My point is that I, and lots of other women, have been through a lot. It is not as if we have just heard myths of men attacking women. It has happened to us and people we know. When we tense up and look behind us as we walk down the street, we are trying to make sure that we're aware of our surroundings. It's for our protection. Women are sexually assaulted much more often by men than by other women, so I don't feel like this is the same as racial profiling. I understand why it sucks for nice guys who feel bad about it, but don't take it personally. I am not going to let my guard down to avoid offending people. Someone suggested saying something like "I'm not going to hurt you." to women as you approach them. If some guy said that to me and it wasn't someone I knew, I would think he was trying to iniate contact with me and I would feel threatened. Don't do that.
yeah, just don't talk to them. don't even bother. maybe acknowledge their presence in the least shifty way possible, but don't ever linger. it's no skin off your nose.
