Have you ever been raped?

You got it completly wrong.
I didnt start it to put others down, i started it because i wanted to know how common rape is. And its a lot more common than i thought.
It can happen to anyone, but its less likely to happen to someone like me because,

1. Im male, and i know there are male victims but they are a lot more rare than female victims.

And 2. I am quite a careful person, i dont do drugs and when i do get pissed i do it with people i know, not at a party full of people i have never met. Even though it could still happen to me, the risks are much lower.

 

How did you work that one out?

 

Most rapes do occur in the home, dude. It's a statistical fact. There's nothing you could do about that now, is there? I'm sure you'll at least agree that if your dad comes in your bedroom your left with very little choice about what to do. And you wouldn't blame someone for being in their bedroom, right?

When i said that sometimes rapes can be brought on by women themselves, i meant that a woman would have to intice a man sexually, like say "i want to have sex with you, come on let's have sex", even take his clothes off. THAT'S provocation, not just going about your usual daily life.

He says "assuming you have all the answers" because you are kinda writing like you do, saying that you don't know much about rape, then insisting that you are right about your opinions on rape. No offense to Mr SoaringEagle, but he doesn't make his points terribly clear. Yours are far more clear and concise than his are, but thinking that someone can always know what situation is potentially dangerous or not is wrong, and anyone who hasn't deliberately lead someone on, deliberately enticed and teased and tortured someone into raping them, is completely not to blame.

 

But my cousin didn't fail. It wasn't his job to "protect" me because even though I have a vagina I don't need to be "protected". I can walk and talk all by myself.. and yes, I can even protect myself.

I guess you can live your life 2 ways. A woman can live her life afraid of the big bad wolf with the big angry penis that is hidding just around the corner waiting to pounce on her because she are such a bad little girl. Or you can say "this wasn't my fault", get over it as much as possiable and not let it control your life.

The way it seems you live, with the people guarding the door and never letting yourself leave the house alone... I couldn't do that. I would much rather be dead that live a life full of so many restrictions. I would hate to live in such fear, and to be so dependant on everyone else.

If I had been so afraid I never would have done all the things I've done, seen the places I've seen... because even though I was brutally attacted by a family friend, it wasn't the end of my life. I had to have a nipple basically sewn back on, and I look at that scar as a symbol of my strength, not of my weakness or defeat.

Instead of relying on OTHERS to protect you, why not protect your self?? If I hadn't been as able to protect myself, as able to take care of myself... well... If I hadn't been as strong as I am my assult would have been a rape (I fought him off of me with a stick blade).

 

Thats discusting, why would anyones dad do that?
But anyway, like ive said repeatedly, not all cases are due to carelessness, now do you want that hand written on a peice of card small enough to fit in your wallet? Or will you get that in your brain now?
But if that did happen to someone, there wouldnt be much they could do except attack their own dad and attempt to push past him and out the front door. Im not writing like i have all the answers, i just have opinions, just like everyone else. getting worked up over an opinion isnt necessary.
I never said everyone knows what situation is dangerous and which isnt, but which sounds more dangerous to you...

1. A party in which only your friends are at, heck even with alchohol and drugs.

or

2. A party in which is full of people you have never met, with only your best friend with you, but goes off in a bedroom leaving you on your own with these people you dont know.

I mean obviously number 2 is the more dangerous one, if you cant see that then there is no point in talking about this.

 

Are you prepared to live your life as unadventurously as that then? I bet you're not, and god forbid that you get raped, but if you do, you'll have a bit more understanding and compassion for those who have in the future.

Honestly Dude, i know you're fifteen, but even i wasn't as rude as you at your age. I'm the one guy who's given you any kind of credit or support on this thread, learn how to speak with a bit more respect and civility if you ever want to be taken seriously. If you genuinely don't care, then why the hell are you here..??

 

Woman, you're amazing. I love how fucking strong you are.

 

Right i dont care what you think, im a lot less rude than a lot of other people at school.
What do you mean unadventurously? I hardly mentioned what i would and wouldnt do, all i said was i wouldnt go into the woods with a rapist and i wouldnt go to a party full of people i dont know, hardly unadventurous, hardly anyone would do that anyway.
I dont care about what you think of me, that isnt a reason for me not to be here, im not going to stress over what a group of forum members think about me you know? If you do you must be pretty sad.

 

I'm going to try and summarize the important points, as I see them, of this converstation:


1) A woman isn't ever responsible for being raped. She may be responsible for placing herself in risky situations but that is different from saying she is responsible for the rape itself;

2) Most rape does NOT occur in "risky" situations. Therefore it is perfectly within her right for a woman to stay within her comfort level and define what is "risky" for herself. We all have different tolerance levels for risk and we all risk something while living;

3) Women do in fact routinely use their sexuality to abuse and dehumanize men. Obviously, that does not give men the liscence to rape. But it is true that women are frequently abusive, albeit not physically. Unfortunately, men have a great deal of responsibility for socializing women in such a way that they are compelled to "use" their sexuality and to use men. The dehumanization of both men and women feed off one another;

4) Rapists, despite their horrible act, are still human beings. They have also undergone trauma, otherwise they would not rape. It is easy to dehumanize rapists and create this group of abstract monsters that we just want to send to death row and get rid of. The more you send 'em to death row, the more will pop up. We have to what understand lead individuals to such lengths, and address that problem;

 

Yea i agree with one, thats what ive said over and over if you read my previous posts.
Also do you have proof for what you said on your second point?

 

It is such an established fact, and I've read, heard and seen it from so many different sources I couldn't point you to one. Do the research, and tell me what you find out. It should be an easy statistic to find.

Edit: it's a little like the statistic saying that, in the U.S., most people on welfare are white. It's a painfully easy statistic to find & I've encountered it in so many sources over time that it is hard to remember a single one. But the public perception remains that most people on welfare in this country are black.

 

Ok i'll take your word for it, i'd rather not research rape, not my type of thing. But we were mostly talking about the cases outside the home, at parties and clubs etc.
Anyway im bored of this now, we have all come out with different opinions, nothing more will come out of this and most people have already posted anyway.

Ive learnt that rape is far more common than im comfortable with. I hope the females take care of themselves and be as careful as they can.
I know you cant just stay locked up in your room all the time, but someone should do something about the amount of rape cases there are, they are on the news all the time!

 

Say what now? I've never seen this happen. Harmless flirting yeah, but flirtation happens all the time. Flirting doesn't mean you're required to take the guy home (or the guy take the girl home either).

Jesus... sorry, but I really really disagree with this point. It's not at all "routine"... I'm sorry that you've felt that way, been hurt that way, but I've never heard from a guy that that's happened to, nor have I heard from any of my female friends doing it, nor seen it happen out in public places.

 

Yea i got a bit confused with that, thats why i didnt say anything about it....i didnt get it :S

 

Yeah, I'm sure there will be much disagreement, if not outcry regarding my opinion. Unfortunately, we are used to think of women as victims, and men, because they feel compelled to adopt a macho stance toward others, don't admit how hurtful much of what passes for "harmless flirtation" is.

There is an entire industry out there, from clothing to entertainment, that essentially toys with men's desires. And it is dehumanizing.

I'll give you a personal example: Recently I met someone who worked at a bar. I in no way put any pressure on her to be with me. It appeared to me a spontaneous and mutual thing. We kissed, and she asked me to call. Well, she didn't respond to my calls, took a job somewhere else and I'm hurt.

I've been given the run around and she had her kicks for that one night she couldn't keep her hands off me or her lips off mine. There are a lot of men out there, and I'm one, who are in a fragile situation because they can't establish human connections with women. They buy drinks, they call, they try their best to impress them, and overwhelmingly all their effort comes to naught. It makes you feel like an expendable walking wallet.

Had this person I met the right to disappear? Sure. Was she cruel? Yes she was. And that is very much routine.

 

OMFG

 

WOW !!!!!!!!!......Im glad I left ....I could get nasty.....

 

Not responding to calls is cruel, I agree, particularly when she said to call you.

My brand of harmless flirtation, well, it's very light-hearted, and most of the people I flirt with (namely friends and acquaintances) know I flirt harmlessly with lots of folks, people with whom I feel safe but am not actually interested in (hell, most of hte people I flirt with these days are female friends, whom I'm not interested in nor they in me, it's just for kicks). The guys I tend to flirt with are huuuuge flirts and it means nothign to them, it's just a game, it's been talked about.

But yeah, there are still lots of double standards and gender inequalities going about. Just sayin, I dont' think the female flirtation thing is "routine", not by my experience at least.

 

Well, in your experience that kind of thing wouldn't seem prevalent because you're a woman. I'm a man, and I'm telling you that it is routine. Today is Friday, I'm sure I can bar-hop around town and notice several cases of what I described: there will be the same drama of the scantily dressed woman sending mixed signals and getting free drinks all night, there will be the flirt who takes pleasure in having a bunch of guys salivate over her whereas she has no intentions toward any of them, etc ad infinitum.

Just like women are frequently made into fuck toys by men; men are made into flirt and date toys by women. It's only that, because of uneven power relations, women aren't used to put themselves in men's shoes. I don't necessarily blame them because women face more abuse than men. But it is still a very significant form of psychological abuse, and it is gender-specific to men.

As for innocent flirtation, that's fine by me. Everything is fine when there is a mutual understanding between people. What I'm referring to is the kind of flirtation that provokes men into wanting more, whereas the female party has no interest in more. THAT, is abusive IMO, though not to the same degree as rape, obviously.

 

Alright.. but I don't get how its gender specific to men.

Men go to bars, wear seductive clothes and send mixed signals. Guys go to the bar, pick up a girl, feed her lines about "having a connection" or whatever other crap he thinks she will swallow, take her home, promise to call. They do ALL OF THIS knowing they have no intention of calling.

If its the pleasure of having men salivate over them, are you saying that men don't also choose their dress in order get women's attention? The tight t-shirt that shows off his muscles or the butt hugging jeans are, what? For medicinal purposes?

That is, pretty much, the kind of thing you say women pull on men, and that its gender specific towards men. Or at least that is what I am getting from what you have written. Am I missing some key point or factor? Because I don't see how its gender specific... its just seems an ordinary friday night in the trenches to me.