He broke contacts, because of past pain

how old are you two? i don tneed exact ages, but approximations... ie early 20s

yknow, its one thing to explain the details of your situation, its quite another to be posting someone elses life story and personal details on the internet. do you not also see that you are violating his privacy like the women with the webcamming apparently did? not as bad, but its still a violation of his privacy and trust

 

He is over 50 and i am 43.

I never want to talk aboutmy private life but he always push me to do so as he enjoy to show himself, and he has told strangers about things i ad told him in private and that i never wanted anybody to know, even htings i had never told to anyone else but him!
I do not have posted above any deatils about his life , it isnt things he has told me in private but things that he enjoy posting about in the forums, and in fact in each forums we have been into!
so you have nothing to say about it there.
And i dont think it is wise from him to do so nor adequate and that at least he should have tlak with me about those things before spreading it for all to see.
I do not think violate his privacy, but he certainly did vilólate mine because i didnt posted in forums the things i told him in confidence and that he sweared he wil never tell others.
And I am asking here for advice about my life, and for me it was private and to be talk with him, but since he refuse to do so, except if it is in a forum by his sick need of exhibitionism (as long as it isnt him who get stripped) then it is only fair htat i come with the details that he will like to avoid others knowing about and who dismantle all what he says.
You should have seen what he posted in others forum about me!
and it wasnt because i refused to talk with him!
and those women with webcam didnt do that to him..
it was some user posting about that story in the forum, but who seems tobe thsoe same 2 persons doing this to him.
Beside it isnt his life story, but our actual situation. I do not see that i told anything very personal, here and the part that was are things he posted in forums many many times. In fact each time he get in a forum he will do so.
But i can see you dont like me much and that it color your judgement.
as the alone thing you can come up with is that..
We are both old birds, but i'll guess you are under 30..

 

so much drama, if this is such a problem end the contact. it's ridiculous to obsess about this thread, and besides it's hard to understand waht you are talking about you are all over the place, i think i got a headache from trying to read and understand. anyway you are better off with theses people out of your life.the end

 

I agree with mlee. This thread is kinda discombobulated. I never understood why people let past relationships dictate there future. shit is stupid.

 

Yeah, I agree completely with that, its enerving too.
Why cant he just talk with me about it, I have proved him so many times i was able to help him in so many ways, its incredible to make so much drama for so little, when just a healkthy talk could solve all of it in no time.
A realone, open, sincere, where we both are ready to open up and tell things as we feel and as we really see it.
I dontget it, had he talk to me from the start of that crazy thing 5 weeks ago it will never have evolved like that. Its like he let it evolved, maybe cause with me ha can feel he can give up of that past, and isnt ready yet, or is completely ready but fear to separate himself from the weell known track. Even hurtfull, he knows it, than the other one he doesnt.
Its like he prefer the borring to the adventurous. The well known.. fears, thatsall about fears.
Damn! I thouht he was past that step, that he had evolved from it and vanquished those blocks.
I dont believe its just those girls, thats the external, the front figures, the real thing is deep inside, deep within, in the behonce world of his.
I cant reach him, i do, but he dont want to be there he dont want to acknowledge it.
He could, he will, he has to, but he just push it longer in time, even he has to take it up.
Damn! it could be so simple, so incredibly simple, he doesnt know how simple it is because he doesnt have reach that step yet, that decision.
If he had he will see how simple it is.
Right now he is building the illusion that all is fine, the shoes are in the entrance and the dog sit at his feet, and all is as it used to be, and there is the same series on tv, and people are all nice and smiling and saying politness in an infinite stream..

Breakthrough come, I am waiting.

like pansurfing over mountains, catching the warm stream and jumping from a mountain top to the other, falling down again in the cold air, and jumping again..

The next step. Thats only the next step, the next mountain top, the next wind.

Catch the wind Mel, learn to catch the wind, and JUMP!

 

if youre 43, act your age, this just sounds like high school drama. if hes being this weird to you, this wha tyou feel is unfair to you, why would you want him in your life? i dont get it. if you feel like youve been treated this poorly by someone, why do you want to stay close to them?

 

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, stop whining about it and end the relationship!!!!!!wtf are you talking about???????????????????????

 

Things that you are unable to understand, obvioulsy.

There is no need to end a relationship that is already ended.. so all you are writing both is totally useless..

I am trying to understand what happened and the reason why things suddendly turned that way.It isnt like if htere was a reason and it ended up by this, there is no reason, nothing happeend, there was no warnings of that coming and there is absolutly no explainations.
And as about acting your age i am not into acting, and what do you know what that mean when you are under 20??

I dont think you 2 can help me in this nor give any appropriate advice but very uprated agressivity and unecessary agression.. which i dont exactly need at the moment. I htink htat there has been enough unjustified agression towards me for weeks, and that i have enough to deal with as it is. I need support not a funerail..
I wrote this thread to get advices as how to come in contact how to rebuild a bridge of communication to can go from there.
It isnt easy. It require someone who has experiencce, lots of life experience and relationships experience and who can set himself or herself in that kind of situation, understand the whereabout of it, and be able to say what is hte best course of action.
I cannot make talk someone who dont. But it doesnt mean the titanic is going down.
Not yet.
Anyone else doing me wrong, i never talk nor look at the person again.
It takes its load, but once my mind is made there is no calling back ever again.
I dont handle lightly and each rs has its flaws and its differences and is different from another and there is always 2 sides.
I cant figure out his, i dont have get it yet. And i dont understand why he isnt saying it. What does he have to hide since he is ready to end it up for whatever thing he has been told or think or imagined?
If it is big enough to end it up between us, then it is worth enough to be told and for me to know.
My view point in this is: I am entitled to know why it is going that way, and since i ma not the one calling the shot, and that i dont understand at all why this is happening, he has to come forth and tell me why.
And it isnt about age but about how one is build up.
I am build with truth, justice, and love. It involves compassion, understanding, pardon, and clear cut lines, and no compromises.
It also involve logic and hte need to understand. If i dont understand i try to found the answer, and i cant give up and i cannot sleep until I have found out the why and hows of the whole thing.
Some wants to believe, i also want to understand.
And up until now, as i dont see any sustaining reason for all that fuss, it makes me mad, really angry, because all his actions are not justified and can hardly be.
Something is missing and i want to found that soemthing.

And dont talk to me as if i was making the drama.. i didnt made it nor started it.. i was in the middle of it against my will, not knowing what was going on, nor why...
It isnt making drama, but being caught up in somebody elses own drama, and having no other choice but to deal with it, trying to stay on the border, and avoiding the center of the quick sand, while reaching for the other side.. a very difficult manoeuver..

This relation is important to me, I appreciate it for what it really is, and dont want to leave it just because some challenges and waves came on the way.
It happened because something had to change and i wanted it to change and i welcome that change. But it isnt the end of us yet.

Only a transformation time, a gestation period before rebirth into soemthing better and greater, something we long to have and was long due.

Right now the communication is down, and how can I fix that?
Thats all I am looking for, as only by repairing whats broken, I will get the answers i seek for.

 

i am fully capable of understanding most things but your post is very unclear you are rambling on like a crazy person. we did advise on this situation and i said why are you so concerned with the how comes and why me's,???? these people are clearly not wanting to concern themselves with you, so why should you be so obsessed with why, why, why, won't they this and why won't they that?YOU CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO GIVE YOU ANSWERS, PERIOD.here are the reasons why i don't understand your babbling, 1."uprated agressivity?????can you define these words for us? 2. "i cannot make talk someone who don't" again wtf is that? 3. "but it doesn't mean the titanic is going down"?huh? 4."if it is big enough to end it up between us than it is worth enough to be told and for me to know"what is this babbling, do you see what we are talking about ?your writng a whole bunch of made up metaphors and incomprehensible babbling. all the while repeating the same thing. "why won't he talk to me?" WE GET WHAT U R TRYING TO SAY, now can u understand what we are trying to say??.......apparantly not.

 

OBSESSED MUCH?


reminds me of a saying..

If you love someone ,set them free.
If they return, they are yours forever.
If they don't, they never were.

 

wow... that quote is deep...

 

That's true.

 

can you say "drama"? jesus, grow the hell up.
i agree with everything allonym said.
i sure hope this means that i get a break from reading the stupid back and forth shit btw you two in every single thread i try to read.

 

I created this thread to get help and not back attack from people who happen to think it is a huge orgasm fro them to attack people when the have problems. If you dont have anything usefull to say then dont post there, you pretend you are distrubed but then why did you came here? Because you missed some entertainment??
And i dont accept that you talk about drama when i dont make any drama but i am asking the guy to tell me what is wrong by having an adult conversation with me to tell me what is wrong.
bUT YOU DIDNT READ ANYTHING YOU JUST JUMPED IN TO SAY SOEMTHING MEAN.

 

If oyu have something to say Mel, then say it to me, in PM, have a real conversation with me, and stop your bullshit!
this isnt about loving someone this is about showing me some respect and talæking to me.
Posting here is suppose to come with help as to can communicate with you again, or have you to become an adult and use your own advice to others as to have a talk with your friend or partner if a problem occur, instead to paly dead or playing like alittle kid who is angry and dont want to talk, na!

You have absolulty no reasons in the world to have this attitude towards me as i did nothing to you, and youhave previously here mentioned i hurted someone and i asked you to come with some prove of that or some explaination as what you ment by that, but you came with none.
The same for all your accusation who makes no sense as stalking you, what are you doing here and now then??
And all the forums you went ot are forums i unbanned you from...
you have no argumentation at all for what you are doing and no reason at all for doing so except being mean.
I dont care about talking to you in the future or being in contact, but i crave from you here and now an explaination for what is going on, and i deserve one.
You cant be friedn with me for a year, and all is fine, and all the sudden act as you do, without any explaination, and without anything concrete to explain it, except you talking to that person who pretend being 2 persons, and acting completely weirdly and agressivly. A person you told me a few days before that begin, that you hated, and that youare now calling nice, and admiring, and i dont know what happeend in between who ´made you see it the opposite than before, and i will not care, if it didnt ment at the same time tha tall the sudden you cut talking to me.. short after having told me you were scared of that girl that she had threatened you, and forbid you to come in this forum, and to talk ot me..which she threatened me too with 4 days ago, and then 2 days later telling me you diodnt come here because this forum wasnt your style, while that girl was insulting me saying i was wako from smoking all that weed..
(because i post in this forum so i am on weed.. of course, and take a "lot of drugs" as she put it..)
SO INSTEAD TO POST SOME VERY NEGATIVE AND USELESS COMMENTS WHO ARE ALSO HURTFULL, WHY DONT YOU DO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE AND TALK TO ME INSTEAD?'
What is ti you fear exactly?
Why cant you tell me what is wrong?
I cant see, you seems at the same time to be very curious of what i do and write but you just dont give back and i think it is wrong from you to do this to me.
Stop posting good advices to other people when you dot use them yourself and palying sweet guy to strangers when you cant even take care of your own and solve the problems at hand.
Doing such a simple thing as opening up and talking.
You seems even proud of being mean.. doesnt fit the picture you are trying to reflect anywhere else..
You started that thing, nobody forced you into it, so you have also to take charge to stp it.
And as for the quote you seems to agree wiht, dont you have several ghosts in your closet that you have a huge need to release, at last, since many years, but that you jsut cant nor dare to set free??
Set yourself free from those to begin with and it will go better, and dont cvome here to ellme to set you free, cause i am the one who learned you how to get free...
6 months ago you were totally unable tot alk to others as you do now, anyone who wasnt christian was a devil or a demonbrat...
Dont forget the little details in the story, and the alone thing i didnt set you free from, are the things oyu have to free yourself from on your own, and they are your ex...
Instead to post here blindly, read what i write here and comment what i write, instead to ide behind somebody elses writtings.
The alone hting you can say here is that you want to talk to me, and if not to tell me why.
Until now you came with no reasons at all.
The day you begin your thing, you were reproaching me for not being enough online to talk with you..
You want proves of it?
do you want your posts? do you want to see what you wrote to me as a refresher?

Whatever makes you mad now has nothing to do with me at all.
You also forget that during 2 weeks before you didnt wanted to talk to me i asked you for what you wanted, what was the matter and if you wanted me to go and to never talk together again, because you were escaping answering what was the matter. I ask you if it was because you didnt want to talk to me then to say it, but instead to come up with it that way, when you said you didnt want to talk, you did it after you had stop to talk to me, and with a very hatefulll and blaming ton and things. As if i was to be blame for something, but never came up with what exactly. All thing you said where thing absurds and untrue, even paradoxal.
This thread is about oyu not talking to me because you cant let go of your past gf, who dropped you years ago and made you su´ffer and was dead jealous, and that you are projecting on me and want revenge on for all the pain she infliged you, and you are projecting all those things on me too..
it is like subconscious and you have done so before, and came back to your senses and said sorrry, and plunged back, with the help of your "nice girl"..
but you still dont have free yourself from it.
QAnd oyudont even want to think about it because each time you od it is so painfull.. so instead.. well, why not drop me and do as is it was that past memory you were dropping, this way it isnt so hurtfull and it provide you with the illusion you need rigt now that you have done something about it.. until next time..
I am not her so wake up! I AM NOT YOUR EX GF! I AM NOT THE CAUSE OF YOUR PAIN AND YOU CANT REPROACH ME WHAT SHE DID TOI YOU NOR ACT AS YOU DO BECAUSE YOU WERE REMMEBERING THOSE THINGS AND FEELING BAD!
If you want to be free set yourself free i aint going to do it for you nor anybody else.
You can kill me it will not set you free, because what you feel has nothing to do with me! NADA!
It has to do with soemthing you carry inside since many years, long before oyu met me, AND that you never worked out and free yourself from.
You said in april it was finished you didnt care about her and had forgotten her completely.. but 4 weeks later..its back where you started, and instead to have learn from it you are deeper in the same shit.
Thats your problem, until you drag me into it by acusing me for it and blaming me for crying and suffering, when i dont have a damn thing to do with what you are feeling!
I AM NOT HER! DO YOU GET IT?
So stop projecting and begin selfanalysing yourself and working it out.
Throw it out your system.
You cant even discuss that in pm, you cant answer it any other way either, you just remain close inside, in your donjon, ready to offend, but not to take it yourself!
You relate to me agressivly as if i had killed oyu mum and dad, as if it was evident, when i keep telling you i dont know a dman shit of what you are talking about and it make no sense, so get down talk to me, and explain what is the matter and how you get to thsoe weird conclusions.
I dont like friendship getting fucked that way, but even less being blamed for it when i dont even know what is going on! And if you blame me then you have to talk to me to tell me why and how.

you are the one making a drama that i dont understand a shit about, and also forgetting it isnt first time you id so, and that your diear sweet friend /sara angel/ was calling you dramam king a few weeks ago, telling me to drop youbecause you were a lyier and never telling the truth about anything and manipulating me and that she hated you, and you saw it and she also wrote it in the forum, saying you were always making big drama...
But i suppose that you got a brainfart..
Whatever bad happen, you invited it in..
You invited her in, knowing hse was bad knews and had been stalking us since january...in 6 forums now..
soaring eagle was clear on that i think.
But you listen what you want to hear, you only hear what you think is going to be said and give it the meaning oyu want it to have as fiting you best.
Thats no way to communicate.
You are asking me to do things that i have no power of doing. I cant free you from past pains i cant free you from hurtfull memory, only oyu can and maybe God.
I am not God. I am not those pains. I cant free you from it by leaving you.
You have to got here yourself, deal with it, work it out of your system. I can help you some in doing so, but the main thing it is you who have to do it and nobody else.
Offending me, humiliating me, hurting me, denying me, rejectign me, will not bring you nay answers and will not resolve anyhting.
I am not a pingball machine, I ma not a brick wall on which to crash yoru train of sorrows, I am not the holy graal always renewing, i ma not the trash you want to throw out from your life, I am not the usual suspect nor the guilty on all charges, I am your friend and a human being with lots of flaws and qualities, and you have hurted me because you were hurted.
But not by me.
And that quote make me think of something, if you love me set me free, and set me free by taqlking to me and telling me the truth, as only the truth will set me free.

 

PS: for those who dont even read what this thread is about: I ma not in love of the guy, he is/was a friend.

 

lorna


you stop talking.hell stop.. the psychos get bored he'll come say hi when hes ready but drama force & urgency of understanding cant be rushed..
quietness will make you approachable..
dont worry bout questions & just be...
dont force it to be what it was but alow it to be what it is no more no less theres only so much u can do before u get to nothing more to do ..
if i could make a suggestion if you havent said all there is to say to him wrap up your feelings into 200 words, count them, be precise in feelings & word count say the last thing you want to say to him clear as you can & never say a word to or about him again unless hes ready to talk to you...yea u can answer others responces but you can also close the chapter walk away & not let it torment u... be glad your free awhile..

ya kno i gottas say your both lil nuts the whole situations nuts (no offence to any of yas ) but as nuts as yas are somehow i think your made for eachother but yas both might need lil well i have no clue no advice nothing i dunno what yas should do except damn unplug your pcs go outside a few weeks get away from drama clear your heads & think...why the hell am i wasting this time? is it worth it? wouldnt a icepick in the brain be more fun? come back next week if ya wanna talk...
your not accomplishing anything now
but riggs that means u should be fair & take the same time off from contact with these crazy chicks too..have a backbone man..

 

The problem is he wont.. out of boredom. And i ma not in that drama, and i dont talk to him, he comes here everyday..
I wrote this to get help from outside people, not agressions, and he used some of those fox agressions to be mean to me even if i dont think e has the right to post in here unless it is to talk to me and expalin why he did this.
to forget all baout it is not the way to go. Problems dont get solved by looking the other way. And i have been waiting 5 weeks now and i think thats f. long enough.
And the alone communcation he make is indirect and insulting, so if he wants cut off he cant insult me at the same time nor provocate me, If he wants to make a provocation he has to do it up front. Its not only this its all, it has to change and being taken to the next level and thats it.
communicating in forum and pm is too limitating. It had to change, and because it wasnt this is forcing it.
He is going through a crisis, and somehow involved me in it by his change of attitude towards me, without telling me what the crisis was. And thats not alrigth.
I ma carrying all the consequences of it and hurts, without being given a chance to know what it is nor to give my meaning to him.
He isnt listening or hearing what is being said. Its like talking to a wall. Also before he stop communicating completely. No mater what i said he wasnt satified also when i said ok we dont talk together anymore, he reacted it made him angry too, he attacked me.. so.. he doesnt know what he wants.
I think that somehow he is dead jealous.
Its going to take time, but not that long anyway. When you have been waiting 5 weeks for a breakthrough and it went backward, time is beginning to feel very long.
Status quo wont last, its just apparent i think, somehow htings are chnanging, evolving, they always are, its just not so visible for the moment, but it is there.
To can agree on something like the one you came with, we will ahve to have some kind of communication to begin with.
Problem here is that eh is the one who made a big mistakesss, and at the same time the one playing angry and refusing to talk, when logically it should be me doing so and being mad at him for what he did all those weeks..
He is like working on some kind of inverted logic.
He resent me for what he did to me and for what others, that he talks to, did to me.
And thats not easy to accept without getting an explaination.
But i agree with you that things should settle down, but also that it will crave some efforts from the other side as well. The 2 ways street he talk about, but dont seems to understand it involves him too.
Its not logical, its emotional, and thats why it cant be explained logicaly.
So let it move organically and see what happen.
In the mean time, I'll work out some magic.
And selfhealing from soemthing else.

 

Holy long posts :stunned:. This thread could be turned into a book.

I love that saying.

 

what if they neverleft? that quote is as flad as can be and cant be used for a shit in this situation. It isnt about that at all it is about how to unknot the knots. and restablish communication which i didnt scew up in the first place. And as let them free thats for him to do about the ex that dropped him and cant be used by me about anything.
Please leave place for those more experienced people who wll have something to really contribute with and who will help resolve the problem, not useless stoff or agravating stuff..
I didnt made it complex , I witnessed it becoming so..and had no influence on it. WHEN the other part dont listen at all, there is no way you can influence anything, he calls the shots and still does, no matter how damaging it is for me and us.