Help with a sexless marriage

hmmm... this is tough. go to counseling on your own. She doesn't owe it to you to go, you owe it to yourself. I don't know either of you, however I suspect there is more to this issue than you have presented here. I think you owe her some sensitivity and empathy considering she has a mental illness. I do understand how it is frustrating to not have as much sex as you would like, but sex does not equal love. It is important in a relationship, however, it isn't the center of it. It sounds to me like no matter what you do or say to her, or for her, your ultimate goal is to get her to have sex. You might think you are being nice, but I can see where she might feel pressure. Don't you realize how hard this must be for her to not be able to want sex with someone she loves? She isn't punishing you, she is just as frustrated and probably blames herself which only makes the situation worse.

Stop trying to make her have sex and start enjoying life with her. Go to counseling for yourself, maybe you will start to change and she will want to come with you. Maybe not. But don't throw the whole thing away based on this without at least trying to make some adjustments. You aren't perfect, even though you make yourself out to be the victim in this situation (and every idiot here is buying it).

Take care and I do wish you much luck and happiness in the future.

 

some of us (male and female both) have been in this same situation. we know we're not perfect, but we're not idiots either. thank you.

 

especially since we didn't all buy it.

 

I know you didn't buy it and I didn't call everyone here an idiot, only those who think he is the only victim in this situation and refuse to look at it from her perspective. and someone really wants to tell me that they've been through it. Hello, I live it every day of my life, except it is different. I am the one with the mental illness and I'm also the one with an insanely high sex drive (those of you who know me here already know this) my boyfriend can't keep up with me when I'm manic and all I want to do is screw. But I don't blame him for that. And I am on medication. I was on meds when I met him that made me not want to have sex or be sexual, and he didn't pressure me, he understood and we got through it together. And we weren't even married, we were just dating, nothing forcing us to be together, yet we still found a way to make it work. All I'm saying is the love must not be very strong if all this person cares about is having sex and not getting to the root of his wife's problems and possibly helping her to get over them. He is making it all about him and the fact that he isn't getting any even though he is "such a nice guy, doing nothing wrong here". He is pressuring her even if he is doing it in a nice way, because his main goal for everything he does is to get some ass. Sure he might take her on romantic vacations or plan a nice dinner, but in the end he still expects her to have sex with him. That is the part where he is fucking up. Maybe if he stopped believing he deserved it for being such a good boy and started paying attention to the real problems in the relationship he would eventually get some. That was my only point. And she doesn't have to go with him to counseling, he can do that on his own. Couples counseling does work with only one person because everything starts with yourself. You can't change someone else but you can change yourself or understand someone else better.

 

ccc