Hippyfreek2004 + Monosphere = 3!!!

I guess if I was anal about it, I'd agree. Good thing I'm neither anal nor a grammar nazi.

There are ways of having a fulfilling life and pursuing one's dreams without neglecting the family. I might be earning enough here with my new job to support Holly and allow her the opportunity to go back to school if she decides she's ready. Sure, it's not going to be while the baby is a newborn, but she will have that option when the time comes. There are numerous evening courses in this area for any subject one is interested in. And I WILL have an active role in my baby's life. I think I can watch him/her for a few hours while Holly goes to classes. Or is it neglectful to leave a baby/toddler with the father?

 

Ben, you're going to have to stop being so anal about absolutely everything. There is no right way to do things, ever. Everyone is going to fuck up somehow, or have a different opinion from you. DEAL WITH IT!

*sigh* When did you get to be so damned closed-minded about everything? You're worse than a southern man.

 

congrats guys! your baby will be so beautiful, and grow up just perfect im sure

 

Oi, uncalled for that, and there I was trying to back you up.

 

Advice for a father? Hmm. I can't think of anything that doesn't sound condescending in it's obviousness.

Be cool, cos the little one will cry for no apparent reason, and you will probably want to shout at him, especially when you're on your own with him. Go outside and shout at the sky instead, just to blow off some steam.

Personally I think you should treat babies more or less like equals. Obviously it doesn't know anything yet and you have to teach it but a lot of parents (sorry, I've read Holly's Flyology but know little about either of you so just in case...) think that shouting and even occasional hitting is okay (obviously not babies, but kids). Not cool, imo. I mean losing your temper happens, of course, but deliberately shouting at your kid as if he'll understand better that way... hmmm.

Obviously you two will need your time together, don't neglect this especially early on but at the same time try to keep a balance. You don't want him feeling like he's... seperate from you two, you know?

Arnica is great when they start crawling and pulling themselves up on stuff. It's for bruises and inflamations.

Oh I dunno. Do what parents have always done: Do what your parents did good and the opposite of what they did bad. It's really very instinctive.

I feel like a bit of an authority on parenting because our kid is just such a open and happy baby, but he's only ten months so I guess there's still plenty of time for us to mess up. The other day, we were on the tube (metro), and there was this other baby down the carriage who was crying and his mum was shouting at him half-heartedly, which wasn't helping. Eden cooed at him a few times and he calmed right down. I was so proud I mean my heart was ready to burst So cool.

Seriously Brian, if you think you've known happiness before - you ain't seen nothing yet

 

If you're out earning, and holly's out studying, who's going to look after the baby? Academic work can just about be done by setting aside a few ours each day (although it's bloody difficult), but raising a child can not.

 

Well said and true - funny but true - I have three girls and four grandkids - the best idea is to help out as much as you can and remember that you are a supporting cast member throughout the pregnancy and birth. Once the little people are outside; then you become a partner in the most important job of life.

.

 

I know Ben rather well. At least I think I do. He is rather close-minded, if you've ever talked to him outside the forums. Everything has to be a certain way or it's not right at all. You should ask him sometime.

 

Do you honestly think I'm going to spend the whole day working from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed? Typical work day is about 8 hours, I'll be working 9 at this job. That leaves plenty of waking hours to care for the child while Holly goes to school. Didn't your dad ever watch you while your mom was away?

 

Doing a job, especially if you enjoy your job, is a rest compared to looking after young children. And after being at work for nine hours it's nice to come home to a bouncing baby. It can work Sax Machine.

Besides. "Sacrifice your life to look after your baby, that way evryone will be happy and everything will turn out nice". Sounds like questionable advice to me.

 

I really question Ben's ability to give good parenting advice. He's 21, single, never had children, and only has one sibling. And she's only a couple of years younger than he is. I don't think he's babysat much. He's just going off ideas, not anything he knows for certain.

 

hey peoples, firstly congrats to you two! having babies is great, lol.

First point i would like to make is about fathers, my sons father (Random Andy) is so great with him, i was at college one night a week for the last few weeks of my pregnancy and Edens first 6 months, so every week Andy had him for the evening and Eden is great, Dads time with their babies is so important, mamas have a bond with them that starts from the moment they know they are pregnant, but it can take dads a little longer, cos talking to a bump is no where near like feeling the little person wriggling around inside you, mamas know their babies intimatly from the word go, where as dads need time alone with them after they are born to get to know them, in my opinion. Leaving a baby with its father is the most natural thing in the world and perfect for when mama is studying...i start a part time course in two days (15 hours per week) and Eden will be with his dad in that time, and sometimes with a childminder, but that is not neglectful, it is my way of doing the best for my son, im going to get qualifications which will give him a better life, and far more oppertunities than he would of had if i could only do poorly paid work and had little higher education.

I am a better parent when i have had time to myself, saying that you have to give up on your own life when you have a child is bollocks frankly.
The child becomes an integral part of your life but you still need time away from them to recharge your batteries, and as long as they are in safe and caring hands there is no shame in leaving them for a few hours to do something which makes you feel good, no-one can be with thier child 24/7 and not get restless, no matter how much you love them. mamas and papas are people as well as parents and i think that needs to be stressed, needing time off is not failure.

I KNOW this because im living it. oh and just off the point, i really resent feeling like my spelling and grammer is under scrutiny on these pages, i have trouble with it, but why should it matter when you are just trying to impart words of comfort and encouragement to people, it really irritates me how pedantic and frankly rude some people can be on these forums.

Mono...you are gonna be very needed even before the baby is born, your lady will need lots of support, massages of the lower back are really great for when she gets achy towards the end, talk to the bump, i think its from 26 weeks they can hear your voice and if they know it before they are born it soothes them. be prepared to put up with random mood swings and crying for no reason, hormones go mad and the best thing you can do is hug her, tell her shes not being stupid or going crazy and talk things over that are bothering her.

At the birth, wow, if your gonna be there get reading, the two of you, not just Hippyfreak, lol, research every option for birth, im talking whether you want to cut the cord, catch the bub yourself(if you have a midwife this is possible,) for Hippyfreak does she want the sinto injection or natural delivery of the placenta (if you want me to explain more about what i mean, feel free to pm anytime, i'd love to help!) does she want to avoid episiotomy (cut perenium to preempt tearing ) there are ways to help...loads of stuff to think about, but the point of this is, you will need to be her voice, labour takes up all you consciousness, she may ignore you totally, its nothing personal, lol but if you have a difficult time, you need to stand up for her, make what she wants very clear and dont let them change your mind unless Hippyfreak or baby is truly in danger. (hospitals try to frighten you sometimes when there is no need, to cover their asses from getting sued, stand firm for your lady unless there is an emergency...you can always ask for second opinions ever in labour) have you guys considered homebirth?

anyway, thats enough from me, goodluck guys.xxx

 

as far as birth, we're going as natural as we possibly can. Homebirth, no medications, episiotomies, spinals...none of that...We have a midwife. She's great.

I'm trying to talk Brian into watching the baby be born. He insists he'll be needed up near my head, but I have a feeling that there is a moment there, seeing his child enter the world that is truly HIS...that I can't share and that he'll miss if he attends to just me. Oh well. We have 8 months to decide and so much to read!

 

i think my husband stayed by my head but peeked down occasionally, lol see how you feel at the time is the best advice i can give, you may want him by your head

 

Sig Other watched both of his being born, I don't think he would have missed it for the world. Plus, it's a funny family story - they had two ultrasounds with the youngest that said he was a girl. So at the birth, Jim is going "She's so beautiful!, she's so beautiful!....., oh, HE'S so beautiful!!

And for crying out loud! - I think that Holly will be more prone to spoiling this child totally, than neglecting it in ANY way. I do think she and Brian will be tired at first, naturally, so all this talk of continuing education is a little premature. I'm sure Holly will be able to take classes if she wants, when she is ready. As I am sure Brian will be there for them all the way!

 

Oh of course Brian will be here for us whenever I decide to go back to school. I mean, he's here now. And usually guys that don't jet when you say you're pregnant won't jet at all (unless you really piss one another off).

As far as spoiling this kid, he's going to have too many grandparents for me to even attempt spoiling the kid myself Three grandparents just from my side (2 dads, one mom).

 

Hell, I'm already talking to the belly. I know it's too soon, but I can't help it. as for mood swings and such, I'm already experiencing that. And I do stay with Holly through these times, through the doubts, crying, whatever comes up. I do everything I can to try to comfort her, but I have to wonder if there's anything more I can do to make it easier for her. And I'll continue to be there for her 100%. I guarantee that. If I flake out, I expect the mods to perma-ban me here. But I'm too excited and looking forward to this child to bail.

 

RE: ut I can't help it. as for mood swings and such, I'm already experiencing that.

Yours or hers?

Good man, mono.

Congrats to you both, again.

 

mine...haha...He's been great! *starts to sniffle* Absolutely wonderful *goes to sob*

 

DAmmit! Don't start crying now! I'll be home soon, hon.