~HOMEMAKERS~ Has it EVOLVED????

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I am home yeah of course I am going to do everything and anything he did would be helping and I would appreciatte the sacrifices being made so I could stay home, but if I am working and doing more than half of the housework or my partner considered it helping me I would be out pretty fast if it didn't change.

 

Oh no I must have come off wrong. I def want to be a stay at home mom-I would never work if I had young kids.

I'm sorry. I have been on and off pain pills from dental work and must have miscommunicated! ):

 

the way it works in this house is that my mom or dad will write a note for things they want done. like the dishes - they'll clean out the car, bring up the coffee cups, they'll be dishes from breakfast...they'll write a note for me to do it. or a note with money to go down the store to pick up food, so we have something for dinner. they like to write notes because i wake up about an hour after they leave for work. and i'll gladly help out, but when i get lectured on the dishwasher not loaded her way, but everything is still clean and ready to be put away, it gets to the point of why i even did it.

the only things i get lectured on is laundry, so now i only do my own laundry; dishes; and vaccuming. but doing quick fixes around the house, cleaning the gutters out, filing down concrete so my grandmas door can be closed all the way, i get thanked for it - so it just seems to me that i should do the things that i am good at and let others do the rest.

i take merlin out a couple times a day to the park since i'm home. he likes rolling around in the grass, but after 10 minutes he wants to come back home.

its not like i grew up without chores to do...i did my chores...i had chores at my friends house. i had to complete those chores before i could go out of his house to play. its not like i'm a lazy bum who does nothing....but when i do clean the house and when my parents get home and they just redo everythign i just did, it really does make me not want to do anything since they are going to do it anyways.

i check in on my grandma too...shes right downstairs. i talk to her when shes sitting in the yard.

 

I'm sorry I came off wrong. Your mom just seems so nice and understanding and wonderful

 

she is all those things

and you didn't come off wrong...this is a "fine-line" conversation. both sides have to compromise...that was really my whole point becuase there is no real "right" or "wrong" way to get things clean and orderly.

 

it's a frustrating topic for me. not so much now that i'm a SAHM, it's my job (not just something i do). getting shitty with dave for doing something, ever, even that way i didn't want him to do it would be completely stupid and unfair. because he has his job, i have mine, and any time either of us overlap duties, just say thanks and keep your trap shut. but when i was working (and making more money than my S.O., not dave) it was the MOST UNBELIEVABLY AGGRAVATING THING EVER. i swear to god, i never saw such blatant refusal to do anything helpful or such a latent talent for fucking up to get out of something. and then he'd just say "well i fyou don't like the way i do it, do it yourself." fine, i was a sucker, and i did. and i'll tell you what, after three months of doing it all, i took my paycheck and got the fuck out.

 

...my way is the right way . My mom, my grandparents and my bf all say I have bomb cleaning tricks and techniques.

 

that sucks. I know this sounds awful, but i would not be comftrable making more than my bf does.

 

by compromising do you mean your mom having to compromise? Your mom doesn't have to compromise. My mom doesn't have to compromise. She does because I am way more clean than her and am more on top of things than her (because I have more time), but I am living under her roof rent free-she doesn't owe it to me to compromise. I am lucky she treats me as her adult daughter and not a child, because I really do not deserve it with how financially irresponsible I have been.

 

it's a whole area of masculine pride i don't consider worth dealing with. looking back, i think the fact that i was making the money and paying the bills is what made him want to exert some sort of authority over me. which is funny, when you think about it.

 

i meant more in the way that if you believe that your way is the only way, then thats just a bad way of thinking because it has the potential to cause problems....their is no right way to clean as long as things get clean, y'know. thats how i look at it. as long as nothign is breaking or getting ruined, then i see no problem with the way things get cleaned.

 

there are certain things that shouldn't be compromised, for sheer practicality and liveability.

 

for example, you don't use just anything to clean up the area where you baby will be eating. some chemicals are not appropriate for all surfaces. some things can't be put in certain places because it's an accident waiting to happen.

 

That's a good point. I was with one guy my age for a couple fo months (never slept with him) and we made the same at the time. he was a drafter. He was used to dating girls who just went to school and did not work or who made a lot less. He was soooooooo controlling. I have heard he wasn't that way in other relationships. I was dating another guy who was a bit older than me and as soon as I started freelancing and making the same as him our relationship went down hill.
I am smart enough now to know not to be with guys who are less responsible than me or who make less or can't provide me with what I need or want in a partner/lifestyle. It hurts their ego too much and can turn a normally nice guy into a jealous, manipulative lunatic.
By the way . I can't see you but I am getting vibes that you are looking extra hot today or ovulating. Am I right? I am ovulating right now too.

 

...there's so a right way and I am right on this issue!

 

yes, i know that...thats all common sense...it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know all that...

what i'm saying is that people have different methods of getting things clean and looking nice...i'm not talking about the cleaning materials we use. why is someone elses method better than my method? its not, because i'm comfortable doing my method, going about it the way i feel comfortable...as long as it gets done, why should it matter how it gets done? it shouldn't. if i have to do something a way i'm not comfortable doing, then i will half-ass the job if i even get to doing it, plain and simple.

for dishes in the dishwasher - i just don't get why it has to be "that" way, when i'm not breaking anything, when there is no residue leftover or buildup on it...they get clean and put away - thats all that should matter.

 

sometimes it's just easier to learn someone elses way and do it their way to make them happy and show thanks.

A good example is my mom-she wants the dogs taken to the groomers. I think it's silly and would rather give them a bath myself. I take the dogs to the overprices groomers and eal with the snotty people who work there and all the stupid dogs with bows because it makes her happy. Or Andy-he like sbleach on his whites-I hate bleach, but put bleach in the wash anyway because when it comes down to all of it dog groomers and bleach are small things compared to what others do for me. Or my grandparents who always ask me to pull over when I am driving while talking to them, even if the freeways a parking lot. I know my way is better than all three of the above ways, but I have respect for all of the above people and the least I can do is show it in little ways.
It's just a dishwasher. As her to show you exactly how she wants it done and spend the time actually wanting to do it her way. She's your momma and gave birth to you.

 

i did a week ago, actually. now i'm in the cranky downward slope. i think bossy, power tripping bitches just turn you on.

 

i think you just turn me on

 

what materials are you using when you clean the bathroom? whichever cloth is handy? dave used to do that. ruined many a cloth. or he'd use a scrub brush i kept for other jobs to clean the toilet or shower. blending the chemicals. or he's no clean the toilet seat or behind the sink.