How do I tell a friend I want to be in a relationship with her?

Not so. It's more common than not, that male/female relationships have some type of "hidden" inbalance. One or the other usually considers what it would be like to have a relationship. So for one to put out the suggestion of "giving it a try" should not be a deal breaker. In fact, a friend recently asked me to have a "relationship" and I declined, yet I was open and kind and said that I want him in my life, and we remain friends and will have more times together because our sex is pretty dang good.

 

Lol well that doesn't count if he's getting sex from you. It's a form of torture when a guy has to stand by while a friend girl has sex with other people and then he's expected to give advice on her love life because he's just the platonic friend

 

Torture indeed. One similar element though is that this guy I know has hopes and emotions while knowing of my other male interests.

 

Well, it depends. Sometimes you just care about the other person so much that you actually manage to put your own attraction for that person in the back seat, and just keep on being a friend. In a platonic sense, of course. Then, you look back years later and be glad that person is still your best friend, all the while you're having beer with his/her spouse.

That's pretty much the case with me and my female best friend. In the 17 years that I've known her, I asked her out twice, and got turned down both times, before she found that special guy(very nice guy, actually) to marry. And I was happy for her. She was the only friend who stuck by me when I was going through a particular ordeal. I can tell her things I don't dare tell anyone else. If I told her I still found her attractive, I know she wouldn't feel offended or threatened by it. She wasn't the first two times, and I know she wouldn't the third or fourth time. Our friendship goes beyond that.

I suppose I went off on a tangent a bit, but what I want to say is that the OP should express his feelings regardless. Honestly is very important in any relationship. If the girl ends up being put off by what he feels for her, and finding it impossible to maintain her friendship with him, then to him she isn't necessarily worth keeping as a friend in my opinion. If that were the case, then she was being a bit shallow about the whole thing as far as I'm concerned. But if she feels the same way he does, then great.

 

Yes yes yes. It is possible, and can be valuable! The two people need to be mature, and see beyond their own egos.

 

You could play her the Partridge Family song I Think I love You

 

props for being mature and making her friendship a priority over your feelings. I have a friend like that. Well, he had feelings for me a very long time ago but I don't think he's thought of me as anything but a friend in years.

I've also had a guy friend confess his feelings for me and when I didn't return them he started being passive aggressive towards me. I never acted weird towards him about it and I tried to keep things friendly but he wouldn't have any of it. Now we're both in relationships and starting to be friends again, but if he were single I don't think it would work.

So there's always the chance that the OP could tell the girl his feelings and then realize he doesn't want to just be her friend if that's all she has to offer.

 

Good insight. This is what happens when people don't see the "friendship" as more important than their egos. I pride myself on getting past my own "hurt", and just trying to keep something meaningful.

 

yeah, it depends on the nature of the feelings. if it's a matter of "i bet she would be fun to have some sex with," then it would be no problem staying platonic friends. if it's closer to "she's damn near exactly what i want in a woman," that's when being her buddy is torture.

it doesn't make a difference if you put it out there or not; the issue is with spending time with someone you have strong feelings for who doesn't feel the same about you. and it has nothing to do with ego; you don't fall in love with someone out of pride.

 

Yes true, but you also don't sever someone that created strong feelings in you, because it can't be 100% of what you want.

 

if it's making you miserable, why not?

 

"I want to be in a relationship with you"

 

Because in the end, you lose someone that you value.

 

Sometimes it is necessary. If someone is so love sick over a person they can't think of dating anyone else then it's a good idea to at least give the friendship a little break.

 

^^This

If your already in her friend zone stop wasting your time. Or else you'll end up like one those betafags who lets her cry on your shoulder just before she goes out and sucks some other guys dick.

 

Look-you won't hit the ball if you don't swing the bat.

Honesty really isn't so hard once you try it-and you'll know where you stand.

So maybe "Fancy a shag?" isn't a good opener.
But "You really light up my days.
Fancy coming out this w/e?" will answer all your questions.

Just don't play her James Blunt's "You're beautiful" unless you want a punch in the 'nads.

 

it's the last 9 words of the thread title, but replace the word "her" with the word "you".

you're welcome.