how do jewish people feel when called "cracker"?

guilt is an entire chapter in the handbook

 

people always want me to have something to eat.. jewish or not.. they seem to think I'm deprived or something. my mom actually hates it how other mothers always offer me something to eat - or beg me to eat, I should say. she takes it personally. my mom is so not like that though.. she loves her daughters but she's so not like a typical mother..

 

I always feel guilty. and I haven't even done anything wrong.
-Woody Allen

 

going back to the OP's question.......... not all jews are of european descent, the first jew i met was dark brown. being jewish has to do with your religious and social aspects not which part of the world your people came from. however there is a prevalent stereotype.

 

Oh man, a huge ass long chapter.

My mama keeps on telling me that she's only living for me and my brother and that all she does is for me and my brother.

Nick's Woody Allen quote really does sum it up.

 

y'all need to have your mama meet up with mine. sounds like they'd get along.

 

so, speaking of mothers who won't allow you within ten feet without giving you food...dave's first meeting with my mother:

we pull in to the driveway, after driving 15 hours, at about 2AM. my mother is sitting up, worried, her hair turning greyer by the minute. we walk in, my mother gives us hugs and sits us at the kitchen table. she pours us a couple glasses of AWFUL wine, which is okay, because we're exhausted anyway. after a couple moments of chitchat, she says to dave "you like salad?" dave, a bit groggy, makes the mistake of saying, "yeah, i like salad." so my mom pops us, says "oh, alright" and begins to dig out all the fixins for an epic chef's salad. she plops the monstrosity down in front of him and proceeds to make sure he eats EVERY BITE.

the next morning, we're getting ready to go out for breakfast. my mom decided to hold the growing boy over with some waffles. she hands them the plate as we're all standing there, discussing our plans for the day, watching dave eat it. he's goin kinda slow, he was looking forward to breakfast elsewhere. my mom says "you don't like that kind of waffles? what kind do you like? i'll get the stuff for them on our (here's the kicker) WAY BACK FROM BREAKFAST."

 

my mom has better guilt, Her's comes with nails and wood and christmas lights.

 

when a jewish girl married an indian, what is the name they gave their boy that satisfied both of their parents?

white fish

 

it's because she loves you