How important is sex in a relationship?

you gotta open your mouth and talk, don't get angry or confrontational but calmly state your case. I think the e-mailing thing might help to open a path. Give it a try. Then talk.

 

If it came to the time & my wife couldn't have sex - for some medical reason, I would see if she was still willing to masturbate me occassionaly or if there was something that we could still both do sexually in one way or another. But if it was a serious condition she had, I'd still get myself aroused & have orgasms as often as I liked.

 

Yup, it's all about communication!! Believe me, I'm not a big communicator...but to get what you want in life, you gotta talk. Email is fine but make sure you say what you mean in an email, so that the other person can't make a mistake in knowing what you're saying.

 

Or, and just throwing it out there, maybe the answer is OMG shut the fuck up - less talking, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD and lots more fucking.

 

Thanks for all the advise. Yep, I hear y'all! It's so hard! (I wish)

 

By emailing I was thinking along the lines of sending something sexy telling him what I dream of doing to him or him to me, to try and get him aroused.

 

Wait does your bf like sex? I assume he does and only said he wouldn't to avoid further conflict, more than likely he is thinking you're ready to break up with him (or at least he should). If you truly don't enjoy sex (and not just with your bf) stay the course, maybe he'll come around and ya'll can enjoy not having sex with each other. More than likely though it will go sour, sex is a biological imperative (hence why we/most of us enjoy it so much, and 7.5 billion ppl on earth) and I'm positively sure your bf enjoyed sex with you - no doubt turning your talk to a blow to his ego and masculinity.

Not trying to sound harsh btw, just trying to give you advice on what to expect even it's of the worst of that spectrum. Even with that said, i would say "stay the course" if it's what you truly want. My $.02

 

Really? You don't like it? What happened in your life to turn you off to sex? Have you considered getting help? I'm sorry to hear this.

 

Sex shouldn't be everything, but there has to be imo some sexual attraction and intimacy for a relationship to work and develop .

 

YOU FUCKING ****.....


....j/k but since you're already pissed more bad news wont hurt as much. It sounds like, you're trying to control your bf Fael. You tell him in the same day that you don't want sex and that he should quit cigarettes, both of which i'm sure he is fond of. More importantly however, whether you're trying to control him or just being open with your feelings - he is probably feeling manipulated (pussy whipped).

A shared desire for intimacy is very important part of a relationship, you removing that will definitely collapse the infrastructural of the relationship (a la Jenga). Though, if you don't like being intimate with your bf why be with him in the first place? Is there some other incentive for you staying with him? Don't wanna be too harsh it's just that not having sex will just add a new level of tension between you two. If you don't see eye to eye on the amount of intimacy needed for a healthy relationship, I think it might be best to find someone more compatible. That's just what I would do in that situation. My $.02 , good luck :sunny:

 

Me and my partner havent even thought abt sex, and I really dont want it either. I'd only have sex w him to please him, it dont think it'll please me that much.
So if that would happen to us I'd just be glad

 

Oi, Is that the case though, you are not working, so he is paying for most things?

 

yeah but did she not have a job when he got with her? You can't go into a relationship thinking you are going to change that person.

 

How many people have you tried having sex with?

Why are you having sex, when you don't feel like having it?

Are you ever aroused? Does your partner arouse you?

Do you have bad sexual experience (molestation, violent ex-partner, etc.)?

Sex is something to enjoy, not to hate.
Until you find out what you like, how you like it and with whom, there'll be no change.


Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (by A. Einstein)

 

So he still pays for stuff

 

You were never aroused during sex, correct? What about any other situation or when you're on your own?

Low libido can be a symptom of hormone imbalance, actually.
Are you on the pill or any other medication? If yes, for how long?

No, nobody can tell you what you should be feeling. You feel what you feel and that's all right.

There are reasons for the feelings or lack of them, though.
Don't think your brain is wired differently, when there could be other reasons for your current low libido.


PS: an old thread that might interest you: http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=445930

 

This is a bit off topic, but it's about that line of advice I keep hearing all the time.

Actually, I do take issue with this piece of advice: "You feel what you feel and that's all right".

I actually will play devil's advocate and counter that. It's important to acknowledge how you feel but it is not good to go off the handle making decisions purely on emotions.

It's the "that's all right" part I don't condone. I think it's very appropriate to tell someone that an emotional reaction they are having is WRONG, misguided, should be tempered or controlled, might have been an invalid emotional reaction based on a misinterpretation (implying the individual is stressing out unnecessarily).

(Ex: Ideologies like racism, sexism, and elitism) All mainly fueled by emotion, ego and usually false logic.

However, I will say that you are entitled to self-preservation/defense both physically and psychologically and abusive relationships surely fall in this category of 'right to take action'. (Ex: Therapy, divorce, restraining orders, breakups etc...)

-----

The above statement was a macro statement about that piece of advice given, not about this thread's specific situational topic.

 

I would like to make a distinction here between a feeling and an emotional reaction or acting impulsively on emotion.
Edit: The latter is a lack of self-control.

There is no such thing as a wrong emotion, only an inappropriate emotional reaction to a certain situation. These are two separate things.
It's the reaction that is wrong, not the emotion as such.
The emotion might be there for the wrong reasons, though, which is why it's important to try and understand what triggers it. As you say, acknowledge it. Whether you act on those emotions or not is an entirely different matter.

There are people who are ashamed of their feelings and are suppressing them, which is never the right way to go about it and can cause all sorts of problems.
This is especially true when it comes to feelings of desire and sexual attraction.

I was taking this into account when I commented on the OP.


I completely agree with the message of your post, though.:2thumbsup:

 

Id use sex toys!

Sex is VERY important in a realtionship, no doubt!

 

sounds like a people problem rather than a sexual one.