How important is sex in a relationship?

Gosh now that you ask I really can't think of anything we do together nor something we would both enjoy doing. Something like dance classes wod be fun for me but I know he wouldn't go. When we think of things to do he just wants to go to a casino and I like going to the zoo, aquarium, museums, etc.
As for chores, no there was never a discussion about it I just kind of spoiled him and took it all on (yes I h e a job and work all day -and night lol). But as I said, I wanted to take care of him. But now that things are different, it feels more like a chore.

 

miss passion has the passion gone?

 

Wow!

I need to think about the subject before i respond.

 

I can't say I wouldn't be disappointed, but there's still many other things that can be done without the actual act of penetration. As far as frequency, at the very least, 4 times week. Average is 6 or more.

 

You really need to sort him out or ditch him, you deserve better as would anyone.

 

I'm starting to realize this the more I talk about it. The sad thing is is I think he has no idea it's this bad for me and how much the lack of sex affects our relationship. He does tend to only think of himself. I guess I need to really talk to him about it just don't know how????

 

Just pick a time when he's in a decent mood and neither of you are busy. Ask to talk to him about something important and just let it come out.

 

But how do I start and how do I go about it without him feeling attacked? Whenever I bring up things (which is EXTREMELY rare) he gets upset says I'm blaming everything on him and nothing gets accomplished...or he turns things around to make me the blame for all things. I would just hope for a civil conversation and understanding of what's going on. Anyone have an idea how I can manage this?

 

Talk about the specific behavior and not him. Make it be about how the specific behavior is negatively affecting you and what you behavior you would like. It is the behavior you want changed.

Good: I love you and want to give and receive sexual pleasure with you. I know it is only one facet of a relationship,but I feel it is important and can strengthen our relationship. I feel that it is really important in a relationship to have this. I am trying to make this happen for us, but I am not understanding why my efforts are not succeeding. How do you feel about this? How are you perceiving my actions? What concerns do you have? I am putting myself out there and being vulnerable because I trust and love you, so please share with me how you feel. I will respect your feelings and try to work through this with you, for us. I want to grow from this experience and deepen our relationship.

Bad: why don't you give it to me right? You are not the man I hoped you would be.

I know it is not fair, but men are weird creatures. Give us a problem to solve and we are all over it. Or something that we perceive as judging us, and we shut down. Be ready to accept his responses. If he does not respond to your communicating your vulnerability and efforts to I prove the relationship, be ready to move on.

My best wishes for your success!

 

I hear that it helps your significant other if you don't use phrases like "You ALWAYS this and that" and "You're a so and so".

It's better to say "When you -insert unsatisfactory behavior-, I feel -insert your feelings-"

PM me if you want to talk more. I was in a relationship where I felt unwanted so I can relate.

 

The only time I actually want to have sex and I'm told it's "duly noted" sigh

 

thanks all for your help! Much appreciated!!!

 

Sex isn't going to be great if you don't enjoy each other as people and it sounds like this is the case at the moment.

What if you just come to him one day in the middle of the week and tell him you fell like it has been a long time since you two have been somewhere together. Tell him that you would like to spend a day of the weekend with him, that you would like his company. Ask him what he would like to do with you, tell him your suggestions (nothing sexual) and let him think about it for a day or two.
I really think the best thing for you right now is to first get re-connected, so you start enjoying each other's presence again.

The best time to talk about your differences would be after that. There are things you don't like about his behaviour and it is possible he feels the same way towards you as well. Be prepared to hear things about yourself that you won't like or won't agree with. Try to accept them with an open mind and not as an attack on you. After you both said your piece, sleep on it, think about it all and set a time when you will discuss it again. The important thing is to figure out whether you two can live in a way that you will both enjoy or not.

Know that many people go through what you're going through. I've seen it happen with my parents and I'm sure that if they addressed their differences early enough and in a constructive manner, their separation wouldn't have happened. Since they weren't prepared to change any of their behaviour, they did make the right choice and are both much happier now because of it.

Also : you got some great advice in the previous posts

 

I observe a culture amongst older women where they withhold sex as a bargaining tool.
Some younger women do it and i have even heard them talking on the matter.

My view is it damages relationships and is really unhealthy, then where do you go when some believe it is OK?

 

Thanks for this. I agree we do need to do something constructive together to enjoy one another outside the bedroom, then who knows it may lead inside if we enjoy our company and time together a bit more. I didn't think of this. Thanks.

 

You're welcome. I hope it will help

 

Sex is used as a tool to manipulate others and currency in life by many.

However it is a wonderful thing for our well-being and health, when we can't sleep or need healing............sad it is put to such poor use by so many?

Seems

 

Withholding sex, is dangerous when done in a vindictive intent. And in my opinion it is also highly ineffective in solving communication problems in the relationship. I don't advocate it.

If the sex life in a relationship naturally fizzles out, and nobody actively withheld sex, that's different and is more of an indicator rather than manipulation.

 

There is always something going on that we don't know and it pains me when you ask good questions , try to communicate and all there is a wall?

Of course they will never tell you either, could be her mate pissing in her ear.

My feeling is when the don't put out things are bad and a leopard don't change its spots.

This shit of lack of sex can go for years and years til you give up as one poster said.

I have even heard older women joking about not putting out at work!

This could be you or me ?