How often do you talk about/mention your sexuality?

i would agree in general social situations, when you're just around casual acquaintances. but when you're developing a closer friendship with someone, and it may influence their behavior around you, i think it would be crucial information. my best friend in the whole world knows i'm attracted to women, and being of a more conservative mindset, sexually speaking, will never allow me to see her naked, even though it's not what i'm thinking about. but it's important to her to alter her behavior. but i'm not going to walk into a party and scream "i'm bisexual, everyone who's offended can go hang." it's not that sort of deal.

 

If you were forming a close friendship with someone, and they actually have a problem with gay people, then they obviously arn't much of a friend...I would have thought that was pretty obvious. Why would a close friend care if you were gay in the first place?

 

well, there's a phase in the development of friendships when you're just starting to get to know each other. susan doesn't care that i'm attracted to women, except that she doesn't want me getting ideas and alters her behavior accordingly. however, i've lived a few years in the bible belt of america, and i can tell you now, that's one of those things that can make or break a budding friendship. as such, i prefer to get it out in the open early on and let them stick around or not. for the most part, they stuck around. but there were a few hyper christian sorts who might be theoretically okay with it, but when faced with it on a personal level, simply aren't. i don't judge them for that, that's just who they are. i feel obligated in such instances to lay it out there and let them decide.

 

You're making your own sexuality sound like a disease for "straight people". Why do you think they need to know, or care, what your sexuality is? Do they come to you and say "Oh, by the way, I'm straight. Hope you're not offended." You're actually making people afraid and uncomfortable of it by telling them. If you want to be treated the same as straight people, without discrimination, start treating yourself the same.

 

i think that friendship means allowing people to really know you. that means talking about your life, your loves, your affairs, your friendships. if i have to keep something so integral to my life a secret, then i'll never really be committed to that friendship. and clearly, some people DO consider it a sort of disease. i'd rather weed those people out early on.

 

I never said to keep it a secret, on the contrary. I was saying that there is no reason to tell people, unless they ask. Why do you consider your sexuality of so much relevance? So, you're gay, it's not a big deal, nor will you get a medal for it. You're actually treating it as a disease yourself, because you seem like you're telling people to ward them off from you, rather than embrace them. Now, I'm not saying it's gay peoples fault that discimination exists, I'm saying that gay people need to accept themselves, rather than force other people to accept them. After all, what does it matter what other people think of you? A good friend wouldn't give two shits if you were a snail dressed as a carrot.

Not everyone is going to accept you for being gay. Deal with it.

 

i'm not sure why you're getting angry. how long have you and i joked around on here without it ever once coming up? quite a while. but if i bring up one day while talking to a new friend that my girlfriend and i had a wonderful weekend together, sometimes they're gonna freak out. then they'll start thinking about all those times we were in the hot tub talking about sex and such. sometimes they'll freak out. i don't want that person to have a creepy icky feeling and fell like i've withheld a, to them, critical piece of information.

 

Oh, sorry. I didn't realise I was coming across as hostile.

I can certainly see your point, but depending on how close you and your friend are, can either of you really picture yourself having sex with each other?:tongue:

Picturing me and my best friend having sex together is like picturing me having sex with my brother...Which is just...wrong...VERY...Very wrong...


Ew....

 

well, exactly. but some people, and again i refer to the bible belt where i was living, think that being bisexual means you're sexually attracted to absolutely everyone. it's not true. but there were a couple women who totally got the heebie jeebies around me after they found out i was bi. it was silly, i'm very picky about my partners. but they chose to opt out, and i'm glad i learned that early. we parted amicably. now i have a whole crew of friends who know me completely and are true friends.

 

Well that's good, but I don't see why you should ask people if it's okay to be gay and be their friends, because that's what you're doing in my opinion.

 

i don't quite see it that way. i KNOW it's okay. but i can't change the opinion of everyone i come into contact with.

 

Exactly! So your sexuality is of little matter to anyone other than yourself, the fact you tell them about it unnecessarily brings up their own opinions on the matter and complicates friendships. Still, I'm in no way trying to say you should hide it and not be proud of it, because everyone should be proud of themselves. I'm proud to be straight, white, and Welsh, but that doesn't make me a homophobic, racist, nationalist, does it?

 

no, but for the most part it's not something i even think about. it's not something i go out of my way to bring up with most anyone. i don't care. but every now and then, it's pretty clear that they DO CARE, and in the spirit of honesty and respect for them, it has to be addressed.

 

Oh, sorry. I was under the impression that whenever you meet someone new and start a friendship with them, the first thing you say is "Oh, I'm gay by the way."...Have I just wasted all that debate on a misunderstanding?:lol:

 

AHAHAHAHAHA. yeah, i think so. no, that's definitely not something i've ever done. dont' see the point.

 

Maybe it should.

 

Why's that?

 

i'm not quite sure. i think that if you're a good person, being proud of yourself, whatever you are, is valid. these things are part of your identity, part of what makes you who you are. it's a history, it's a background, it's an identity you are proud of. run with it.

 

absolutly and more power to any straight person who is willing to openly come into a gay arena and explore their sexuality with other gay and lesbians
S

 

I don't go screaming it from the roof tops, but if someone asks I won't deny it.