How to cope with depression.

If I could go back in time and age to relive my life page by page
I'd not alter a deed nor change the scripts of any words that have passed my lips. I'd have the same problems I had while in school
I'd make the same statements that made me the fool
I'd have the same run-ins I've had with the law yes even the ones I know were a fall. I'd lie to my mother I'd steal from a friend
I'd have nasty thoughts though I know it's a sin.
I'd smoke that first joint I'd pop that first pill.
I'd do all those drugs that made me so ill.
But why not go back and do everything right?
Instead of getting my ass kicked, avoid the fight?
Why not start over being honest and good? because I;ve learned in the long run that I should and I could. What's taken my life and made it alright? What's taken the darkness and filled it with light?
I've learned those were lessons all part of a plan and to change them
would change me and who I now am. Though the lessons were painful and so full of strife. they gave me the rules for living my life. And I've learned there's a God that I can call friend who doesn't keep track of the times that I sin. A God who will judge me at the end of life's game
on not who I've been but on WHO I BECAME

 

I guess you are on self-destructive path. Try asking your friends or family to help. Go visit psychiatrist. You won't do it by yourself.