How to stop my friend's drinking?

I don't look at it as shitting on her but cluing her in to how behavior inconsistent with her message robs her of credibility. True concern for the friend hopes that ultimately he confronts his own problem. Pushing the topic of his demons when it can be argued that she also has somewhat similar issues may well backfire and inspire even heavier drinking.

He makes a point to tell her how drunk he is despite knowing how she feels... I think he values the friendship far less than she does and is looking to push her buttons. Backing away takes the game away. If he is bent on self destruction then he'll do it with or without her input. She needs to prioritize her own sanity.

 

i'm especially concerned because 1. his dad is an alcoholic (ive never seen him sober, and ive been to his house ALOT) so he is at higher risk for becoming one himself and 2. alcoholism runs in my family as well, and ive seen how my cousins have fucked up their lives due to alcoholism. one of my cousins is in her late 20s and I never see her anymore because she is in rehab in florida. and other cousin is 25, has a 3 year old, lives with her parents, is going to AA, just got off house arrest because she got two DUIs (she would have gone to jail if she didnt have a son to look after)... I just dont want this to happen to him.

Also, earlier today he texted me all upset because he failed a bio test, and he's all stressed out about his grades. I'm sure AP bio is ridiculously hard anyway, but he's always been a really smart kid and a hard worker, and I have no doubt in my mind that his drinking is what is causing it.

Sure, drinking on a weekday can be fun... I've done it a few times, but usually as a result of hanging out with friends and it just turns into a night of drinking. It's not like i'm just sitting at home and have all this homework to do and decide "oh i'll get drunk, maybe that will help."

He is drunk every single week night, has homework every single night that he does drunk, he is always RIDICULOUSLY drunk... its just really out of control.

newradicalface: okay, you are only a year younger than me. however, i noticed that there is a huge difference in maturity between being 17 and 18, and even more of a difference between being in college and high school. Theres also a difference between drinking for fun and drinking to relieve stress, when you have a ton of homework and studying to do.

 

Your loyalty and concern are both admirable but if he's determined to self destruct there's nothing you're going to be able to do about it. Involving yourself when clearly he couldn't be less interested in addressing what is his issue, not yours, will nor only backfire but likely damage what friendship you have beyond repair. Right now he is a sinking ship... jump off and save yourself. He may need your friendship once he hits bottom and needs AND WANTS support- better that you not poison it now.

 

INTERVENTION! INTERVENTION! INTERVENTION!!! WOOOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo!

 

oh we tried to have an intervention last year... when it wasnt NEARLY this bad... my ex (who was kind of his friend at the time) made this facebook message about how we were all concerned about him (i was included in this)... everyone was just kind of agreeing with my ex and my friend flipped out at everyone (to me) and just kept going on about how they wouldnt leave him alone... i agreed with everyone in the message saying that he should stop drinking but for some reason he got mad at everyone but me. i'm the only one from that group who is actually still friends with him now, but yeah i dont think an intervention would work haha.

would talking to him about my own personal experiences with this stuff help? i hate talking about it, but a few years ago i had to go to therapy and shit because i was suicidal and depressed and had an eating disorder. and admitting that i had these problems was the hardest fucking thing ever. and i didnt want to go to therapy at all, and it was just really hard to accept and get over. would telling him this help do you think? like so he knows that i went through a similar thing, so he doesnt feel quite so alone? he has no idea i went through that, so maybe he just doesnt think that i understand? idk.

 

heres what you do--quit smoking--then tell him what you did to quit from personal experience----lotta of the old hippies hated drink just cas its what their parents did and they were counter culture--pot drugs not drink----but im not hippie and had to carry my own drink-no one else had it--lol

 

You need to distance yourself from this... talking isn't likely to help because he isn't open to any such message... he doesn't think he needs help; he doesn't want help- so offering something that is clearly unwelcome isn't going to impact the situation positively. Anything he says that would be agreeable at this stage of the game would be for the purpose of shutting you up and not a product of being open to anything you have to say.

You can't "make" anyone see anything they aren't willing to see... this is the human condition. knowing it will make life easier for many.

 

Some people are just too stupid to survive.... Survival of the fitness boys...

 

You just gotta let him hit rock bottom...

and i agree with everything Stinkfoot is saying.. you cannot force a person to change.. you cannot give him ultimatums... you need to get away.. i have been in relationships with addicts.. nothing changes them.. they are what they are...

 

No one can stop anyone else from doing anything.

Tell him you love him and you're concerned, that's about all you can do.

 

Also, a facebook message is not an intervention. I'd be straight up offended if that's how my "friends" expressed concern for me. If you seriously think an intervention is needed, find an interventionist, or sit down with this kid and talk to his face.

 

I've tried to change addicts or addictive behavior. Nothing really does change them. They have to hit 'rock bottom', by themselves. Basically what everyone else has been saying. He'll snap out of it when he's finally had enough, and even he doesn't know when that's gonna be.

I know it hurts to stand by and watch. A specific friend of mind almost killed himself with tizanidine by causing some severe liver damage by taking WAY more than he should've each day. He's in and out of the hopital at least once a week now, getting draine. etc. And on a donor list (because apparnatly they never figured out it was drugs, they thought it was his anorexia, hah)

 

Unless they want to stop drinking, most likely they won't

 

don't be bitchin at connor....

he drinks constantly, smokes constantly, does a shit ton of pills, and psychedelic drugs and yet he takes mostly AP classes and isn't failing any of them

more than we can say about you eh?

 

true dat

 

Sure

 

This makes much sense!

 

For what he may or may not do NRF comes across as having his shit together here. I've learned that while wisdom tends to have a correlation with age it's not dependent on it. One of my toughest lessons of character was taught by example to me just a few years ago by a 17 year old co-worker. I've seen 16 and 17 year olds that put thirty and forty somethings to shame.

 

looks like a tropical earthquake blew through here man...