I always notice this in girls

I agree!
Not all girls are stupid though, a good chunk of them are. It is crazy, sometimes you don't even know how to act in front of them, because anything you do - they record it as if it is something dealing with them, but in reality, you just do what you need to do, for the sake of doing what you need to.

 

IMHO, it's because the only relationships they ever saw their mothers in were dysfunctional, possibly abusive, and they simply repeat the cycle in their own lives. They don't know any different, or they see "nice" as a weakness. Or their fathers were authoritarian, abusive assholes, and they think that is what men are supposed to be like. They have been trained from birth to be codependent, and that isn't an easy chain to break.

 

Agree 100%.

(I do think spooner was being facitious, though.) I don't know why girls like boys who treat them badly. My Bear was a "bad boy" but never abusive. There is a difference. A boy, or man, can buck authourity, get into some lighthearted trouble, but still treat womyn with respect.

Guys who hit, belittle, attack and torture should not be a part of anyone's life......unless you are a parole officer.

 

I think a lot of it has to do with missing in action and absentee fathers.

 

oh come on , do you really think girls try to finid some one they like based on how their father was?

I just don't see it... maybe its because I am of the opposite sex... but really I would never want some girlfriend who is like my mother- No matter how she acts good/bad.

 

yes, I do think so. I did it myself when I married my alcoholic, abusive, ex. Oh, but he was sooooo intelligent, just like good old dad. My mom did it, every woman I know well enough to know her father has done the same thing, married a man who in many ways is like her father. We idolize our fathers, no matter how horrid (or wonderful) they are/were, and we think *that* is what men should be like. That is exactly why it was so important to me that I not have children with my ex, and also why my children have a father who treats me with kindness and respect. Children learn about relationships from their parents' relationship with each other. If Mom was into abusive asshats, daughter will likely do the same.

you think? I'd tend to disagree with this. I'd love to think I'm nothing like my mother-in-law, but I know different. Sure, in many ways I'm nothing like her, but... what my husband loves most about his mother are traits that I share with her.

 

I think that usually the effect is pretty unsubstantial
I think it's more of an incedental thing usually
if I like things about a person, I'm going to like those things in everyone

 

erhmmm I don't...I'm pretty high matienence and am not into guys who can't keep up. It's a huge fault of mine. I wish I could be more understanding of guy's faults.

 

Holy shit Moon Flower. You are so right.