I am going to kill myself.

Discussion in 'Hippies' started by Lizardman0, Apr 16, 2005.

  1. Trickster

    Trickster Misfit

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    That's true :) We are often arrogant in thinking that we have all the answers and then only pretend we get it. There is wisdom in seeing that there is so much more to learn.

    I understand depression but am not going to say i know how you personally feel, only you know that.
    So, ask yourself aloud what you want. Do you want to live? If you want to die what has stopped you from killing yourself up to now. Why are you still typing on here?
    Sometimes you reach a stage when it's too late to change things around, too much has happened to get over. At 15 you are still young enough to change things. I know you want to but you don't know how. That despair, not hopelessness is what's eating you up. You have hope otherwise you wouldn't be here.
    Please, Please, Please don't give up matey
     
  2. Trickster

    Trickster Misfit

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    And that's the bitch. You want things to hurry up and be better but it isn't that quick. I've learned not to fight certain things. That sometimes you have to accept that things are bad but that the future doesn't have to be that way. Make a decision to change it.





     
  3. SoftParade

    SoftParade Member

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    I believe both life and suicide is a weakness and at the same time courage.
    But there's always something that makes us want to live even though it might not be life itself. I believe we all have questions that only life can answer to, to take space because world is immense and has room for all possibilities, to find your meaning because your life doesn't exist for no reason.
     
  4. Trickster

    Trickster Misfit

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    I disagree with the last part. I believe that some things, including life, that don't have a reason for existing. They just "are" The something that makes us want to live, even though life is crap is "hope" I don't think there is a weaknes in suicide. It's an end to eternal saddness and torment and i understand that. That's not a life.


     
  5. SoftParade

    SoftParade Member

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    All life on earth is a circle both in pain and happiness and all imaginable.
    But everything has a function that is bonded together. A tree's life is part of giving us a possibility to breathe, water to drink, so on and so on. Birth is never meaningless. It's a symbol for a part of existence. What is everything and nothing without existence? It's nothing and when it's nothing then it's an existence because the existence of nothing exists. Both life and suicide is an end to sadness. The weakness is there because we can’t say no to an appeal of a fall down a cliff but we are brave because we can end the appeal by jumping down the cliff, both ways we fall down. Life, birth, birth life, birth and death are nothing new and not such an end because it’s a begging at the same time. Nothing of a surprise and what it is for life that keeps it alive is not just hope. People have dreams, places to be, things to see and experience but we might not really always be aware of that. Depression can be something knowledgeable. It's all about choices and how we make them but it's a freedom of choice.
    Depression has been walking and dancing with me, smiling and crying. I'm not unaware re of it but suicide might not be a choice. You can committee suicide whenever you want but that same life or if life at all can't be taken back.
     
  6. EzekeO

    EzekeO Member

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    ya i agree try new things and see what you love and if you concentrate on that you will turn your life around!
     
  7. Lizardman0

    Lizardman0 Member

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    I want friends, but not regular friends. I don't mean famous people. I mean people who think similiar to the way I do.
     
  8. Art Delfo

    Art Delfo It is dark

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    take medication..............or if you feel weak then just .....try to be happy around people here maby then some people will like you...no one likes a downer....unless you become a goth....
     
  9. canadian_boy

    canadian_boy Brohn Zmith

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    Hold on dude, you are not alone
     
  10. Lizardman0

    Lizardman0 Member

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    I am too ashamed to get help.
     
  11. Trickster

    Trickster Misfit

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    First of all. Not all life on earth is a circle of pain and happiness. Some people don't get the "happiness" part. It may be meant that way and sound pretty but that's not true for everyone, so take off the rose coloured glasses. Second. Depression is not alwyas about choices we make. We don't always have that control. Wishful thinking is great but you have to deal with the reality. You make it sound like if we choose the right path we can be happy, choose wrongly and we suffer. Like i said. it's about control.
    As for the last bit of your spiel. If you think that depression "walks and dances with you, smiles as well as cries" then i want to know what the hell you're on. Anyone who has suffered depression will tell you, that it isn't a fricken "dance", there is nothing "smiling" about it. It's miserable, despairing and torturous. If you choose to see it a different way then fine. But that's not the truth for most people. Jesus christ!



     
  12. SoftParade

    SoftParade Member

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    I’m saying all life is in the circle and when the happiness and the pain are in it, in any way, in the most invisible, it's part of the circle because we are one. You might not feel it but it's there. You might not breath it but it’s in the air... In this way I do believe so, which is how I mean it. Not that all life experience it but the experience is part of the circle where we all stand!

    A choice doesn't have to be a good choice, you can hit yourself with a green stone ore a red one in that way you have choices. I didn't say depression is a choice but you can make ones of how you deal with it and in that way depression doesn't show as only one road. If something’s more then one road then you have choices (still might not be more then a red or a green stone)







    Again… we choose how to deal with it (god or worse it’s still a choice). That I ever mentioned of choosing paths is your though of a translation. You know thinks are not that impossible. I choose peace and love and freedom but I might not have it and it still doesn’t’ mean someone else will because I choose it. It means I simply choosing to reach it even thou I might be too far from grabbing it. Otherwise without choices we wouldn’t have a meaning for reasons! And we have reason for everythign but are not aware of them.





    As for the last bit of your spiel If you think that depression doesn’t walk with you when you dance, smile or cry then you’re not the one who wants to hide it.
    Did you know that a smile isn’t always happy, didn’t you know that a dance isn’t always because of joy, I dance to my music of my heavy stones. Have you ever heard a laugh of madness, have you ever seen a grey dance, round and round and round… that greyness simply never ends! There’s no sun, and if it’s there…Its’ just an illusion.
    And did you know It’s when you see that deep of reality you lose it to repair your eyes, and that's what I’m doing.
    And that depression smiles with you, dances and cries is a poetic expression, I didn't expect an understanding!


    Peace out!
     
  13. Lizardman0

    Lizardman0 Member

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    I disagree. I don't think some people are sad for other people to be happy is either normal or good.
     
  14. Bassist

    Bassist Gate crasher!

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    Someday everybody who has ever said that should gather and celebrate life. That would be amazing. :)
     
  15. Trickster

    Trickster Misfit

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    Gees, what kind of book did you just swallow. Look, if you tried to sound a little less patronisating maybe it would be easier to aknowledge what you're saying. You go on with these pretty words (how much as if were your own words i don't know) but at the end of the day, this young man needs "to the point" advice. Not an epic of phrases and beautiful sayings. When we are depressed, sometimes even then, a smile can be genuine, a dance can be enjoyed. Obviously on the whole you might be sad but there moments when you can find even the smallest momentary thrill.
    Get off your soapbox, how about some advice a 15 year old can use.




     
  16. Trickster

    Trickster Misfit

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    Mate, there is nothing at all to be ashamed of. I know this is how you feel but trust me, no-one will think bad of you if you ask for help. Do you think all the people who have ever felt deppression had other's ashamed of them? No. I think it's that they don't understand but you can't help that. All you can do is focus on yourself, forget people who don't understand and focus on the most important person. You :)




     
  17. Lizardman0

    Lizardman0 Member

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    I feel so awful. Its like there is something in my head making me feel bad. I don't feel like doing anything and I can't remember anything. My dad told me to water the flowers and I forgot immediately. I keep telling myself to finish my homework but I can't find the enery to do it. I tell myself then forget. I will get it done. I alawys get it done. I alawys procrastonate.
     
  18. Trickster

    Trickster Misfit

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    When you are depressed you don't have the energy to do anything from school, to friends to anything you can name. You do feel tired which makes sense. All of these negative thoughts in your head that you are dealing with are very exhausting. What i learnt is that these thoughts aren't real. They certainly feel real but are just ideas that have formed in your own head, coming from low self esteem and no confidence. It's tormenting, like one part of your brain is telling you bad things while the other is trying to be hopeful if that makes sense. A battle within your own mind but that's what it is i found. These thoughts aren't real, no-one has said these things to you, you know that you are a nice young man who deserves a future full of happiness and peace of mind. Just sometimes your lack of confidence tries to tell you otherwise. You need a focus other than your depession. If you're just concentrating on that you won't be fine. Ask yourself, what job do you want? What career? Finish school and then what. Write down a list goals however small or big. You need a focus to work towards, slowly then, you will get out more, make friends and start to feel better. Everything is a stepping stone. Write that list. You can everything you want, just like the ret of us



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  19. Lizardman0

    Lizardman0 Member

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    Current Goal is to make straight A+s. Anything less is unnacceptable.
     
  20. TARABELLE

    TARABELLE on the road less traveled

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    Sure it is. Though a worthy goal, don't set yourself up for failure by making your goals so rigid. It would be better if your goal was to make the best grades you can.
     

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