I am going to kill myself.

OK mate, way too much pressure on yourself there I'm not saying you're not smart but it's hard to maintain perfection, which that is, especially when you're already stressed. What job do you want or career? Do you need those marks to acheive entry into college? If not, A's are fine or B+'s even. Not put yourself under more stress than is needed. I know for me, i am doing a Bachelor or Arts/Bachelor of Science combined degree. But, i want to do a double major in Criminal Psychology and Forensic Science which means i have to transfer to a university that has what i need. To do this i need credits or better, which means a B mark (it's not called this at uni) would be fine. I do my best but know, that is enough so don't feel bad if i don't get high distinctions in everything. Go easy on yourself, there is enough pressure in life without added tension especially what you're putting on yourself

 

Kill your self man DO IT if you want to.. because the truth is the world doesn't give a fuck. Your family and friends may (if you have any), but scars fade with time. Once they all die there isn't shit but your dead body and a grave stone for you... and if your a lucky you could end up in some history book.

What Im trying to say is life sucks and if you got the balls to hang in there life gets better, or you can bitch and cry and think how much you life sucks, but that will just get you back to where you are right now... telling people on the hip fourms your going to kill your self.

 

he wont die, he just will whine about it for a long time.....

 

The world doesn't give a fuck about you either and why should it. We don't live our lives to please the "world" for god's sake. We live for ourselves, maybe our family but everything outside of that is inconsequential. You obviously have your own issues to deal with considering how angry you are so how about, instead of jumping on this guy, you focus on your own crap.
And not all scars fade with time mate. Some don't hurt as much and some always do, you just get to a stage when you don't think about it as much but that doesn't mean the pain is any less. I guess that knowledge though comes when you're older. You only a kid after all so why don't you just enjoy it.

 

so you're adding to the pressure of life by setting yourself ridiculous targets? You WANT to fail, You WANT to feel hopeless and desperate because like so many others you feed off it, you don't want to be happy. I would repeat myself and advise you to seek help but it's better that someone who actually needs that help has it than someone who is just set on making their situation as hard as they possibly can.

 

What are you ashamed of ? Being human?

 

thats just a load of crap man, 'anything less than straight 'A+'s is unacceptable' no one can predict that you will get straight 'A's or not, but providing you do your very best to achive what you want, then whatever the results you get, they will be acceptable, even if u did worse than you thought

 

He's 15 years old. Get off his bloody back you arrogant shits. You might be old enough and have had enough life experience to say what you are but he hasn't. Maybe you should remember that before your open your ignorant mouths. Help him, don't jump on him and make it worse. There's no point in it.

 

Try not to plan so high, that way you won't fall to the earth. It's great to have goals but if it means you absolutely crash and burn if ti doesn't work out, it's not worth it.

 

Let me start by telling my personal story. My grandfather died in a mental institution of god knows what, since it was a subject my family refused to talk about. My mother was diagnosed with practically every mental disease known to man at one time or another. Manic-depression, depression, paranoid-schizophrenic, you name it. I have 4 brothers and 1 sister. We all suffer from either depression or manic-depression. One brother has even had psychotic episodes where he believed he was talking to god. I’ve spent my whole life shuttling my mother into and out of mental institutions. My dad was born with one leg and one arm. He died when I was the age of 10. He had a shitty life, but I never once heard him bitch about the shitty hand that life had dealt him. My old man was the greatest man I’ll ever know. For all you “macho” asswipes telling the kid to ‘suck it up and deal with it’ first learn what it means to be a man. I knew at an early age, that I was different. I was a tall, introverted weird kid. It didn’t help that my family was poor and I went to the local upscale private school and had many extremely fucked up things happen to me because I stood out like a sore thumb. I didn’t go for help either because I was all alone and didn’t think anyone on the face of the earth actually cared. After I got out of high school, I became determined no one was going to hurt me like I had been hurt before. I got seriously into weight-training and running. I was always tall and athletic, but I became BIG. From the age of 21 to the present no one has ever, EVER gotten into my face. Anyone stupid enough to try, I hurt. It wasn’t even primarily my size. I had this great big ball of hate and anger inside me, that would just explode if someone confronted me. I know now, it’s fucked up to say, but I enjoyed physical pain. Majority of people don’t realize mental pain is by far the worst; makes you feel dead; physical pain can make you feel alive. From my 20’s up to the age of 40, life was good. Lot’s of friends, lot’s of good times. Having physical strength and aggressiveness, people tend to gravitate to you, total primal instinct. I felt good about myself, I treated the decent people great, the not so decent people not so great. I was strong, top of the world.

Age of 40 hit and BOOM. Depression knocked me on my ass. Why? Things were going well in my life, no reason to be depressed. The reason is there are two types of depression: genetic (chemical imbalances) and situational depression. I suffer from genetic. I found out from the psychiatrist that genetic depression exhibits itself in your teen years and middle age primarily. In genetic, the part of the brain that can pull you out of a situational depression is either severely damaged or destroyed. The spiral down goes out of control. The pain was unbearable. I wanted to blow my fucking brains out of the fucking back of my head in the worst way. The only thing that stopped me is that I have been on both ends of it. One brother has tried to kill himself 5 times, another 3 times, a niece twice, my first cousin actually did succeed in doing it. Every other sibling has had suicidal impulses at one time or another. I know the pain that causes remaining family members and friends. You can’t do that to them. I always resisted going in for professional help, but I had to this time or I would be dead. I got on the anti-depressants and will continue to be on them for the rest of my life. A few times I thought, things are going pretty well right now, let me try to stay off them for a while. Mistake. Right back down into the hole I was out of. The desire to kill myself will always be there (matter of fact I look forward to death), but the medication keeps the rational part of my brain in control. Suicidal desires for me dwell in my emotional side of the brain. I’ve come to realize what I considered strength was weakness. My physical strength was a symptom of my weakness. I used it to cover up the fact I had mental issues I needed to deal with. I am a weak person. The lesson I learned from my dad needed to stick with me. A true man isn’t defined by his strength, it’s how he deals with his weaknesses.

You said your mother seems to be suffering from it. This definitely points to your depression being genetic. Part of the disease is you want to externalize it. It’s going to occur no matter what is occurring in your life. I went through the exact same things you are at that age. Isolated, alone, not wanting to deal with anyone or thing. It’s all part of the disease. I can’t stress this enough: YOU HAVE TO GO FOR PROFESSIONAL HEALTH. Right now no one seems to listen or care: you’re in a teenage world, not caring and not listening is what they do best. You get into the mental health system and you are going to be surprised how many people there are that share your problem. People you can talk to and relate to what you’re going through.
If you’re feeling better when you go in, don’t worry about the depression not being diagnosed. You show all the classic signs. I’m a lay person and see it, the professionals will definitely see it. There are quite a few good people on this board giving good advice such as DerekM and Acetonephish. Listen to them, they really seem to have their heads screwed on straight.

As for the others, the younger ones I can forgive because you are just barely past the age where you learned to wipe your own asses. Sitting_Zen I strongly urge you to quit working a suicide hotline. You don’t have a clue.
You're in a position you can seriously hurt or kill someone. You're too young to have that hang over your head for the rest of your life. Believe me I know what that feels up. You have growing up to do yet, nothing wrong with that.

As for Rummydick or whatever the hell your name is. What in the hell is a 31 year old man doing on the internet harassing a 15 year old? Is that how you get your jollies? Does that get you off? What fucked you up? Were you someone's prison bitch? Pray to whatever God you pray to that you never run into me with that sick shit. I will rip off that ugly thing you call a head off and piss down your neck!

Yeah, I still have anger issues, I need to deal with that.

Also people need to educate themselves before opening their mouths or typing on their keyboards.

Fallacy: People who just talk about killing themselves, don't
Truth: A high percentage of people eventually succeed after multiple
attempts

Fallacy: All depression is caused externally, ergo the bad situations that occur
in one's life
Truth: A significant portion is internal; chemical imbalances, can be affected
by what occurrs externally, but not always





Fucked up in the head, hopefully not the heart

 

First. WOW

Second. I agree with mental/emotional pain being the worst. If it's physical pain ie: you break your arm, have apendicitis, it goes away. When it's in your head there is nothing you can do. You can't leave the room and leave it behind. Can't tell it to go away, it goes everywhere with you and is such torment.

Third. I too, have seen what suicide does for the family members left behind however, i understand why they did what they did and while they are missed, it comforts me to know that they aren't in pain anymore. I know what that hell feels like. For me, i ended up ok but for them, they knew that no matter what, there was nothing that could be done. Everyone is different, but sometimes too much can happen in a person's life, too much to get over. That choice has to be understood.

Fourth. Genetic conditions aside? I think your head is screwed on just about right and i'd say your heart is in no danger of being fucked up (although i don't know you)

 

Trickster,


It does my heart good to see others out there who "get it". You seem to have learned a lot of the hard lessons in life a lot earlier in life than I was able to. I'm just hoping Lizardman0 can understand that there are a lot of people out there who understand what he's going through and care. I hope he can learn through the missteps I've made in my life. The hardest part of dealing with my youngest brothers first suicide attempt was that he was only goddamn 10 years old when he tried to kill himself. I was dealing with my own issues, but I was his older brother. I should've been there for him when he tried. I can maybe rationally justify it, but emotionally I can't. I can't stress enough to Lizardman0 the pain suicide can leave behind. I am glad you were able to deal with things in such a good levelheaded manner. You strike me as being wise beyond your years. It does me good to see there are good decent people like you on this earth because at one time in my life, I really didn't believe it was so.



Always keep that good heart

 

hey I never claimed I wasnt a dick. I actually dont wish any harm on the guy. but I would rather read "hey I have problem" instead of "hey I wanna kill myself."

 

10 years old? Bloody hell. It's hard to comprehend how someone that young can be in tremendous distress but that's ignorance on the part of a lot of people. I don't discriminate but people foolishly do in assuming that children don't feel anguish in their own way. We all have our limits, even kids feel enough to want to end it all but the signs aren't seen. They're so vulnerable.
The rational vs emotional issue, just like the head vs heart is a true battle. Sometimes one helps more than the other but in the end, we do what we can to cope and that's all we can do. Some say life is simply about surviving and i believe this is true enough. Those that don't agree, tend to not know what struggle, tragedy and torturous pain is and that pisses me off. I hate it when those who have no idea, who are ignorant, comment. That's the height of arrogance. While there are great, happy things in this world, it's also an effort and some more than others. Like i said, we just do what we can and hope that's enough.

 

lizardman, did you do it yet?

 

Jesus.... this shit just keeps going on and on.

 

Typical silly cow.

Shouldn't you be out shopping or something? Buying the same top in 10 different colours because you "just gotta have it"

 

there's pages of us trying to help, I even told him my own experiences of a psych ward and he just doesn't care, he's putting obstacles constantly in his way. Age is no excuse, at the end of the day the only way out of depression is to seek help and accept it, neither of which he's willing to do. Have you read his comments? It's just pages of reasons why he doesn't want to get better, and the only person who can truly help him is himself. I'm sure if he was going to kill himself he wouldn't be on a message board discussing it for days.

Don't be so self-righteous and think you know whats best, at the end of the day the only one who knows whats best for him is him, if he can't see it and is determined to make things as worse for himself as possible then what can you do.

 

Ignore you for starters. How old are you i wonder?
I'm not being self righteous, just choose to give on going support if i feel like it and not negative comments like others. There's too much crap around, i'd rather not be that way

 

Wow, 'ignore you for starters', how terribly mature and wise of you.

Can you not see the support has already been put accross to him and all any of us can really do is let him make his own decisions. It's clear he won't kill himself and the only thing that will help him is a positive outlook and a little faith, it's up to him whether he chooses that or not. The support is there, he just has to reach out for it. Too much crap around? This is a thread, in a public forum, what exactly were you expecting, and all we are currently doing is adding to pages of this thread that no one wants to read anymore because all the advice that can be given has been given. I work with kids part time at a local school, mostly counselling. I see this alot, the mixture of all that horrible teenage angst with a feeling of worthlessness that spirals into depression. It's horrible and there's only so much you can do, only so much you can say and offer because at the end of the day it's up to the individual to realise that they can make things better for themselves. Like I said, help is there but you have to reach out for it and if you don't want it then let someone who does want to improve their lives use it.