I am going to kill myself.

You're right of course. I think you can only start to approach something from your own experiences, but it is important that through this you can come to understand it from all perspectives. My intention was to dissuade through talking about the survivors, but yes, there are many more angles to look at it from....

 

I agree

 

Well, every time I'm depressed I just go to sleep. I try to live life by a day to day basis and some days are just better than others. And most of the time I'm generally in a good mood.

 

I sleep also, but it's getting to the point where I just wanna sleep all the time. So why not die? Same thing.

 

Well, if existance is pointless, then how is suicide selfish? I am annoying, I would be doing my family a favor by taking my own life. All the humans could commit suicide, it would be better for the world. If I am dead, I am one less ignorant, materialistic, consumer, who is destroying the enviorment.

The other day I was at an event, and everybody was happy, except for one. A pig, was taken out and publicly slaughtered. There was so many people watching it in a circle I couldn't see what was going on. Afterwards I walked up and saw a mutalated pig body. I don't think the pig was happy, or thought the people who were slaughtering it were nice. People are alawys ready to kill, tie somebody up to a pole and burn them or throw a rope over a tree. Sometimes I get really uncomfortable when I am around some people (like in class) because of that thought.

 

You said that no one understands you......um, HELLO!!!! You are not the only one who has to deal with LIFE everyday!!! Things happen in life that aren't always going to please you or make you happy, but that's life! live your life to the fullest and remeber, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. You are soooooo young and you haven't even lived long enough to experience most of the things that are trying in life.

 

I've experienced enough to know that the rest is going to suck even worse. I don't remember saying "Nobody understands me", so could you get a quote? I can't live my sdfds life to the fullest with these people.

 

You wake up from sleep, you're heart is actually beating?

 

I wouldn't say existence was pointless, I'd say life is beautiful and precious....

 

YOU ARE TOO YOUNG to say that you know the rest of life is going to suck!!!! Hell, when I was your age I thought life sucked too! I thought everyone sucked and I just wanted out! - you wanna know what I did? - I quit feeling bad for myself and I graduated from high school early so i could get the fuck out!!! Then I went to college and got a degree and now I make close to $80,000 a year and I am only 21 years old!!!!
Life begins after high school!!! None of those people will matter once you graduate! Hell you most likley will never see them ever again! I moved like 10 states away after I graduated college and I could give 2 shits about the people I went to school with while growing up.
I don't understand what could be so bad that you feel it will never get better!!! YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!

 

Nobody should ever even have to think about depression in their life, just look for the love around you!

 

Suicide is selfish and I'll tell you why. There are people in this world who love you and care about you. By killing yourself, you will end any happiness that they feel in this world. You will cause others more pain then you think you feel now.

I know from experience what a death will do to people. Voluntary death ( suicide) causes waaaay more pain and harm to those around you then you may think.

Talk with the people you love and who love you and get the help you need to work through this difficult time, because in the end suicide solves nothing.

Get out and do things. Go enjoy things around you. Read books in the park. Take walks aroung the neighborhood. Join a book group. The only way life will get better is if you make it better. You can't wait around for others to do it for you.

 

You're 15; Freshmen year is the shittiest time socially. Don't worry about it; you are having difficulty with your identity as a person. Everybody goes through it; you may have withdrawn from your friends because you don't agree with certain aspects about them. You might feel like you can't represent yourself correctly in front of them because you are not sure whether they will accept you; I am not sure. Seeing as how I don't know you, I don't know why you have withdrawn from your friends.

But, you know what, friends are just friends... all that matters in YOUR life, is you. Of course, that might sound greedy, but nothing is more selfish than suicide. Not only are you so concentrated on the bad things in your life that it's making you wish it didn't continue, but you're considering robbing everybody who knows you and, God forbid, cares about you, of your existance. Age 15 is a very young age to die at; your life hasn't even STARTED. I know you can't just snap out of it, but do realize that that there is an extremely good chance that it will go away; maybe even tomarrow, who knows...

There has to be a reason; something in your life must have put you into a negative state of mind. Chances are that it wasn't anything that YOU did, but rather some circumstance or situation that triggered the mind set.

I became very depressed at the beginning of my freshmen year. My friends had views I didn't agree with, my family had views I didn't agree with, I had views I didn't even agree with. I was moving (only 5 miles, but it was a major change of surroundings), I was uncomfortable with my body, I didn't like the changes happening to it through puberty; I became submersed in a spiralling fear of loss. I didn't understand it at the time; only after about one and a half years since I finally got out of it do I understand most of the reasons behind it. It scarred me with insomnia, which has lasted until only two months ago.

My point is, there is a reason behind it; don't convince yourself that there isn't. That makes it all the more harder to deal with the actual depression itself. I mean, if you feel some way, and you can't explain it, doesn't that make it all the harder to understand why you feel that way? You obsess over it, wondering whether it will go away, or why it continues to persist...

Let me just tell you that many people will not understand certain things; especially your peers at that age. You are in an ackward stage of life right now; you are forming your own ideas and views, destroying others... The reason people do not understand it is because it is a personal struggle; one that you are not alone in though. You were handed this challenge because YOU have the strength to deal with it; you will be amazed at how much you grow from this experience. If you feel like you need help; seek it out. Form new friendships with people who DO understand what you are telling them.

There you go; you have just proven that you are having difficulty with other people's views. It's natural to question the morality and credibility of other people's claims. Neither of those statements are true; hell was made up by the Church in medival times, and the people who DO kill themselves are merely making an ultimate statement. Some are just crying out for help when they exhale their last breath; that doesn't mean they are weak. If anything, it means that they feel lost and unable to do anything to improve that situation; they just don't know how to go about the scaling of the mountain handed to them.

I undertook the challenge, and I can only hope you do too.

Those are two powerful statements; one being true, and the other false. People who are depressed are not weak; in fact, most of them are incrediably strong and deal with things on an amazingly large scale. There are things in your life that you may be unsure about; become bewildered, explore, draw conclusions and build your own ideas and beliefs. Fuck what everybody else says about that stuff now; deal with them on that issue later. What you need to do, is concentrate on you; all that is good about you. If you do find negativities, don't be surprised; nobody is perfect. If anything, find a way to transcend those aspects; worrying about them only makes them more apparent.

Life is not pointless; EVERYBODY has a purpose. EVERYTHING in a persons life has a purpose. Your depression, serves a great purpose; one that you are unable to see now. Only by moving forward will you be able to one day realize that purpose; suicide, is the furthest thing away from that goal.

 

Just make sure you get your whole head in front of the shotgun. And put some plastic out so you dont stain the carpet!

 

I think that while most of you are trying to be helpful, the majority of responses clearly betray a lack of understanding about how depression and suicidal thoughts actually work.

1) Depression is an illness; it is NOT a sign of weakness or a moral failing, nor is it simply a "negative state of mind". In fact, the ability to live with depression at all can take an enormous amount of strength and courage! From an evolutionary standpoint, depression seems to have started as a natural survival strategy, mainly to keep us from driving ourselves nuts in situations that we really couldn't do much about; in our stressed out society, it can get triggered simply because one feels totally overwhelmed. From a spiritual standpoint, it has been hypothesized that depression is actually an opportunity to grow; it becomes a real challenge to make it through a Hell that most people can't even see!

2) One big indication of depression is the inability to get ANY significant pleasure out of life. Depression interferes with the brain chemistry, in such a way that it's nearly impossible to perceive pleasure at all. It's like trying to explain color to someone who's been blind all their life. Unfortunately, one can still feel plenty of pain! In the absence of pleasure, life itself can indeed seem pointless and not worth the trouble.

3) There is often a feeling that one has to fight through a mile of solid foam rubber inside one's own head, just to get ANYTHING accomplished. And with no real pleasure to look forward to, one can wonder, why bother trying to do anything?

4) Because so few people have any real understanding of depression, the advice given to a sufferer, while well-meaning, is often completely inappropriate. This, coupled with the fact that it can be mentally exhausting to even get out and meet people, means that the sufferer can feel like nobody really cares at all.

5) When dealing with depressed people, and especially suicidal people, the positive thinking angle doesn't work; in fact, it often increases the frustration of the sufferer. You might as well believe that positive thinking will enable you to fly by flapping your arms. The "think about the pain your relatives will have" angle doesn't work either; it only heaps more pain on the sufferer, who often feels unwanted and unloved in the first place. In fact, both of these arguments may actually INCREASE the risk that the sufferer will commit suicide!!! Rather, the best thing you can do to avert a potential suicide is to simply listen and keep an open mind.

6) And now for the good news (such as it is): there are medical treatments that can help reduce the degree of depression. Sometimes, it can even give a person a normal life, but it doesn't always work, and in severe cases, it often just reduces the degree of depression. However, even that can be worthwhile, as life becomes a little less painful and a little easier to handle. Some medications can leave one feeling zonked out or the like, and it may take several tries to find the right one.

7) A chance to get into group therapy, or even building a circle of friends who've "been there" and REALLY UNDERSTAND, can also be helpful. Any burden seems lighter when it's shared, and it certainly helps to counter the incredible loneliness and the feeling that nobody cares.

So it is possible to live with depression, and in many cases, it can be treated like most other illnesses. A little REAL understanding and awareness can go a long way too. I know; I'm a depression survivor myself.

 

shevek, that info is helpful, but it is also incorrect; mental illnesses cannot be medically treated. I've been down that road... If anything, they can synthetically change certain perceptions of feelings; which is extremely dangerous, in actuality.

What it really boils down to is the person dealing with the ailment; chemical inbalances is bullshit that science has made up to try and explain the human brain and how certain conditions arise in it. Although that's harsh, nothing is more harsh than giving somebody hope through synthetic means. The meds might not work one day; who knows.

Of course, that's all my opinion; but hey, my opinion lead me out of my depression...

 

I'm actually quite aware that medication doesn't work for everyone; it sounds like you're one of thoses people. (Please re-read ALL of point (6) in my prior post.) Also, most psychiatrists who are truly competent in prescribing medication, don't accept insurance of any kind (the insurance companies want to nickel-and-dime everyone to death), and not many people can afford them on an ongoing basis. The affordable psychiatrists, on the other hand, are often just going by the big pharma literature and making people into guinea pigs. I was lucky to be able to afford a competent psychiatrist several years back, and the subsequent psychiatrists are generally reluctant to monkey with something that's already working. I do get some partial benefit out of it.

In your case, your depression may have been at least somewhat due to particular circumstances such as the stress of adolescence; it ended once you somehow worked your way through it. However, I've dealt with some degree or another of depression through most of my life (51 years and counting), as have both of my parents, so it's likely a genetic factor in my case. The RIGHT medication is at least giving me some partial relief, though it's by no means complete. Without it, I wouldn't even be able to get up and make these posts at all!

Of course, as with anything where there's money involved, it's BUYER BEWARE. I do remain skeptical that the SRI's such as Prozac or Zoloft are really all that effective, especially in the long run. I have gotten some good results with Wellbutrin, and it's available as the generic medication Bupropion. I also have a circle of sympathetic friends (point (7) in my prior post); I know better than to expect that medication will work by itself, but it does help in my case.

Finally, everybody's situation is different. What works for one person may not work for another. That's common with many types of illnesses, not just depression. People need to know what kind of BS they're dealing with, but they also need to keep their options open and figure out what works for them.

Peace & Love

 

I apologize, I skimmed through a lot of it; seeking medication first of all is a very bad idea. Especially for LM, he IS only 15; it's hard to explain why he might be depressed because it just started and he doesn't have any clue as to why (I know I didn't when I was in a similar situation). I'd suggest going with the new friendships idea; possibly even attending counseling if he deams it necessary. He'll be able to express himself the way he wants to; it sounds like he is unable to do that with the friends he has.

That wasn't anywhere near the cause; I have GID. Meds just sent me along on a roller coaster that wouldn't stop. The depression, for the most part, was self-fabricated; I made it. Hell, I even called the thing before it happened; I've been unsure as to why until recently. I forsaw the destruction of my male identity because I was going to move somewhere where it wasn't constantly enforced; I became androgynetic for a time.

I was involved in a relationship with a girl, and that was causing me to represent myself as a male even when I didn't identify as one any longer; it was a very complex, psychological issue. It faded a great deal after I entered tenth grade, and I purged it during the January of the second semester (thanks to LSD... saved my life). I would have commited suicide by now if it weren't for that experience. A later experience nearly killed me, but it gave me true direction; so all I desire to do is learn. My purpose will be realized; I am not concerned with what it is or why it will be.

That's terrible; but I won't back down from my claims about the hypocricy of chemical inbalances. The human mind is too complex to be explained that easily... there's something else too it. I certainly don't know, but I won't accept science's explanation. We do what we have to do to get by; I wish you the best of luck with your struggle.

 

OceanBird, you mentioned something about GID (gender identity disorder). Since I'm gay and reasonably well read, I do know what that is. Sometimes I wonder if GID is an "invented" illness, just as homosex was regarded as a "mental illness" 40 years ago.

A lot of your depression may have come about because of conflicts between your feelings and what was acceptable to your family and friends. Even among gays, who are gradually becoming more and more accepted, depression suicides and substance abuse are much more common -- especially for teens who are just coming out -- than in the general population, just because of the added stress (sometimes quite major). Alternative expressions of gender are even less accepted than gays.

I only hope that you have actually gotten some real clarity on this one, and didn't just simply stuff it back down and plaster a happy facade over everything. But only you can figure out your own life, so I wish you the best.

I did deal with issues over my gayness when I was younger, but I pretty much hashed that one out by my early 20s -- in a society that was then VERY suspicious of gays. I don't see it as a factor in my own current depression, though I'm very much aware of how others can still be struggling over this issue. My own situation is at least partly due to enormous work pressures, especially the psychologically (and possibly physically?) toxic work environment in most jobs.

Peace & Love!

PS I don't think that gayness has anything to do with Lizardman0's situation; his profile shows him as hetero, and I'll accept that at face value unless I get info to the contrary. There are LOTS of ways that someone can get depressed! In any event, I was only mentioning medication as one possibility; I believe that getting supportive friends is a MUCH more important step, and I think that you will agree with me on that one. I also think that medication should NEVER be forced, especially on a kid! (Some kids get institutionalized, brainwashed, and fed Thorazine -- now THAT'S scary!)

PPS You're clearly against medications, but you did mention popping LSD and how that helped...

 

man just dont worry about stuff just chill out and stuff man