I am one of those girls now

yes, moe, you have GOT to stay strong. build up a network of support around you so when you feel like you want to take him back, you have people to turn to who will help you feel better and keep you from doing that. i can tell you guys love each other and care about each other, but abusive behavior patterns ARE like an addiction. the person does it because it will ultimately get them something in return. you are really strong, and i know it's hard, but you can do this and your life will be better in the long term FOR it.

 

hang in there babe.....you can do it

 

just hypothetically speaking.. is it possible for people to stop? I am not thinking of taking him back any time soon, but for example, in a couple of YEARS, would it be out of the question to see him and see how he's doing? Is it possible that this is the result of being immature ( I mean, we are only 19) and not knowing how to control oneself? Or do people normally stay abusive?

Also, how do I deal when he calls me up crying, begging for me to come back?

 

well, maybe he doesn't realize that it is a manipulative trick, but deep down in his subconcious it probably is. he knows that crying triggers a sympathetic response from you.

if he doesn't quit following you around, a suggest a temporary restraining order...but then again that might just anger him. i don't know the in's and out's of the whole situation. maybe the next time he just "shows up," tell him that you need him to leave you alone. that if he truly loves you in an unselfish way, that he will stay away. if that doesn't work, just don't answer the door when he comes over. get a new, unlisted phone number (that doesn't cost too much money). keep yourself safe. let your mutual friends know that you don't want him to be around you and maybe you can figure out a way to hang out with them without him knowing or trying to come over.

i hope you are doing okay. i know it's hard, but you gotta be strong. don't settle! you're going to feel great once you get through this.

 

I know. That's what keeps me going. I really feel like crap now, though.

 

in my experience, people normally stay abusive. he might be able to change, and it might have been a product of immaturity, but i wouldn't count on it. i my experience, going back to an ex is usually not a good idea because A: you expect the magic to happen the second time around and B: a lot of old baggage ends up coming back to the surface. i'm not saying it's 100% impossible, but it's highly improbable.

btw, this relationship ending will probably turn out to be a great opportunity for you to pursue other avenues in your life. you could go to school, go on a trip, find new hobbies, make new friends, etc...think of the possibilities that having your own life will bestowe upon you

first of all, like i suggested before, i think getting a new, unlisted number is the wisest bet. if he can't call you, he can't keep crying into your phone. if he comes over, don't answer the door. if he keeps hanging around, ask him to leave and tell him you aren't playing this game anymore. be firm. if you have to, cut off all contact. don't enable him.

 

you should not feel bad about it...the most important person here is YOU....

 

awwww *hugshugsandmorehugs*...unfortunately, you will feel like crap about this for awhile, but be strong and let time pass, and you will be back to your old self in time. you will feel better, and you will miss him less and less as the days pass. and before you know it, you'll be over him, and over this whole thing, and you will be able to have your life and be you again! it's an amazing freedom. it feels great!

 

thanks for the advice. I hate to admit that a part of me really wants to "give him another chance"

This must be why some girls continue to be in a relationship that has a history of being abusive.

I will stay strong, though and not allow him back into my life. I have a bunch of really awesome friends that are always checking up on me and staying with me overnight. It helps a lot. I don't like to get other people involved in my problems, but it really helps to have someone else there when he is crying at my doorstep.

I will look into getting my number changed too.

 

good for you! you will be great in time.

 

im crying on the inside.
this shit is soooo not cool

 

so you looked into it, huh? not too fun of a time I've been having as you can see.

whatever. I'm a big girl and as long as I stay away from him, I'll be cool.

It really sucks being alone now, though.

 

if it were feasably id tell you to just come to cincy.

 

lol, I HATE the drive through Ohio! It's so boring. If I came there, you'd never be able to get rid of me!

 

i dont think id want to get rid of you