I called a shelter today.

You don't let it happen, it's amazing how much being hit a few times can change you. But you can change it.

 

Just get away, that's what you really need. I in no way am saying that that is an easy step. It will be the hardest step of your life, likely. But it is absolutely necessary for survival, of body and of soul.

 

it IS amazing. i feel soooo hopeless when he starts just bashing my head. i could kick his ass but not when he starts the attack when im laying down n shit. as hard as i can be im a GIRL. he will win if he has the element of surprize. anymore i just cover my head and cry n try to block the attacks and hate myself for allowing this to happen. its a tragety truly. really. its so horrible how you hate yourself for it.



and then when u still love them a bit (not in love but CARE)... god, all i wanted ever was for this not to happen again.

 

Here they have a "Behavioural Health Centre" it helps you work through all kinds of issues for up to a year... you can live there and they help integrate you into the community and into the work force.

No BS allowed though.

 

i have to dont i? ill be better later even if change sucks at first?

 

i second that.
discipline...

 

i just wish he was being raped in jail where he belongs instead of acting like he's god n can control me. and i wish i never allowed it.

 

When I broke up with my abusive ex I went into hiding.

 

get a sword?

 

a gun? id LOVE to kill him for what he did to me and wouldnt even go to counseling. he expects ME to change n deal with my issues but why wouldnt he go to counseling? its all my fault. lame.

if i had a gun it would be bad. i need out.

 

fuck. ill never get better if i dont figure out the problem n move on. i GUARANTEE id be a totally diff person if i wasnt around him. so now i just gotta figure how to do it.

 

get off the fucking computer already, and GO!! whether it be a shelter, a friends house, or a tent in the woods...the longer you put it off the worse it's going to get, he'll catch wind of what you're thinking about and act out desperately to keep his control- in that case, it just might be too late for you.

 

I agree, I had to go threw some shit first time I tried

 

the sad thing is i TOLD him i didnt love him. i met mike (he knew about mike for six years and its a long story n nothing happened really except someone who REALLY cares about me n that scared him!)- i told him i was OUT. and i acted it. THEN it got worse. truly, it makes me think yer right. I no longer kiss his ass n he gets worse. I HATE guys who abuse women. WRONG.

ill get out. promise. and i promise also ill be different once i do this.

 

So when are you going? He must be getting home soon

 

i fuck up shit.

im not weak. but i dont know how to take on a guy who has more strength then me n abuses!! then blames it on me cause chemical depency. bottom line.

that is NO excuse. and i remember him hitting me and FUCKING ME UP
BEFORE i ever was addicted to shit. so the chicken or the egg? i know what i think.

 

he works til 1 am (second shift)... i might call my gramma. she's hella sweet. should i tell her the truth?

everyone loves dan and i love dan..or did so id not "tattle" but i should have. before now. talk to my gramma? its the closest fam i have.

 

And also, if it helps, don't think the therapy is a means of fixing yourslef because of any fault of yours. In most cases, including yours, the person going through therapy is there because of someone else's hurt and abuse. You don't really need to "fix" yourself, but you do need time to heal.

 

listen to this.

it reminds me of my "husband"

its a violent vid but its how much i hate him

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-ET7A5owXs

 

yes, call your grandmother and tell her whats going on