"I can't come into work today because..."

I got my finger stuck up my nose.

 

i've just snorted a yoghurt

 

i need to settle my estate

 

i've got spinal cramp

 

im choking on air

 

I'm figuring out how to win a land war in asia.

 

i'm far too happy

 

I have to spend the day in the hospital with my ma....I stepped on crack and broke her back

 

i'm going on a day trip to blackpool

 

I was looking at Johny Depp and passed out.

 

i've got a high priority secretive assignment to fulfill for the CIA

 

I'm locked up in an undergound base.

 

I fell in a well

 

I was swimming with dolphins and heard the voice of god telling me not to go into work.

 

I have some cement shoes that need to be made

 

I found the virgin Mary on my toast and needed a moment of silence.

 

my nose is leaking like a tap

 

because Im racing to get the last post before Stinky closes the thread

 

I was attacked by a manbearpig.

or everything i touch turns to skittles ; ]

 

My horse broke a toe