"I can't come into work today because..."

my horse broke down

 

because gone gone gone Ive been gone so long ive been gone gone gone so long

 

im full of cold

 

powers out and my electric car is dead

 

i've eaten too much for breakfast and if i move anytime soon, it's going to be reproduced.

 

because my parole officer wont let me

 

everything's buy one get one free!

 

because I got my finger stuck in a hole

 

we've run out of toilet paper and i munched an indian last night

 

because Im trying to figure out why everyones an hour behind me