i desperatly need some advice on something complex...

I feel for you ... a lot. (Been there, done that ...)

But at this point you need to weigh your options: continue feeling bad and not say anything -- or say something and, yes, risk making things worse, but perhaps chance making them better.

I took that chance yesterday, and believe me it was damn hard to do. I still haven't found resolution of the situation, but I feel a little better for at least making the effort and putting the ball in his court.

Best of luck ... keep us (or me anyway) posted.

 

ok i guess it all kinda blew over last night, Mike told me we shouldnt do it anymore because he has feelings for his ex or something. I understand no hard feelings i knew things would never happen between us. But it was weird because the way he said it was kinda like he was in my mind he said something like "its not like we were heading into a relationship anyway. im sorry that was kinda cold the only reason i said that was because i know your not in love with me or anything..." yeah then he said something like Will would hook up with me. and i laughed thats all i could do was laugh, so he still dosent know about Will and I but it wouldnt hurt him. and he dosent know I like him (im glad i didnt tell him) and i prefer to keep it that way i value his friendship more... i just thought i would give everyone an update

 

That was a blow. I know 'cause I've been there before too, and I'm very sorry it had to happen to you as well.

Thanks for the update ...

 

Hello, all. I think it may be helpful as well as interesting to look at relationships in a different way. I guess we have all been through many relationships, learnt this or that technique, suceeded and failed, but chances are we are still pretty confused about the whole thing. For many of us, our past experience, if anything, is just making us wonder whether that which we are looking for really exists. Instead of looking at relationships as a way to complete ourselves by finding something or someone who can give us what our mind says it's lacking in our lifes (i.e. a feeling of being attractive, a way out of our solitude, sex, etc.), wouldn't it make a world of difference to use our relationships as a way by which to know ourselves better? If I got to know this "mind" of mine more thoroughly, wouldn't perhaps that be the same as understanding what not to do and who not to be in future relationships so that a new outcome is possible, in the world of my relationships as much as anywhere else? Author Guy Finley says that "for the person to whom and in whom self knowledge begins to become a living force, there can be no such thing as a bad day or a bad relationship. It’s impossible, because everything that happens to us as self-working men or women is used for the purpose it was created… which is help us discover our actual condition. Then, the whole of the world and all of its whirling and confusing relationships provides us an opportunity to change the whole of our lives." Now, that really seems like good advice to at last start enjoying different relationships with people and events, doesn't it? To me, advice, techniques, tips, etc. given out so that we can lure others into satisfying our desires sounds quite manipulative and selfish. No wonder when the excitement fades and we've satisfied our need, the whole relationship starts falling apart. I am sure we can all relate to that, can't we.
What I am sharing with you has helped me to change the way I relate to others. Perhaps the idea of more authentic relationships, less selfish and more conscious, is really the true way to go. Only we have given very little thought to it up until now.
You may want to check out this article on relationships.
I hope this helps.
Luis

 

why is what you did wrong when you said that you had only a friends with benefits relationship with the first guy. not only that, but he said not to tell him. guys don't want to know when you are sleeping with thier best friend. trust me. and they especially don't want to know that you slept with his best friend and it was better.

why can't you just be like: "so, you know i have been thinking and i don't really think i can handle this friends with benefits thing... no i think i'd rather actually date you or be in an exclusive relationship with you."

it has been my experience with all sorts of people that usually the reason for having a friends with benefits relationship with one particular person and not sleeping around means that they actually have feelings for you, but are too afraid of rejection so they hide it behind this friends with benefits thing. so chances are pretty good, that he will want to be in a relationship with you too. unless, he has another girl who just sucks in bed.