i fucked up

Ohhhh you want help
you can come live with me. you sound like a great roommate

 

I don't know if I would go as far as to say that you are "always way cool to people on here", but you do seem to need help

I think you posted about getting kicked out of your last apartment too. If your use of opiates is leading you to be kicked out of your apartment, it's at the level of seriously interfering with your life. in other words, imho, you've already crossed over into addiction.

it's your life, and maybe you want to be addicted. I don't think it's going to take you to a place that you want to go though.

imho, the best thing you can do for yourself is to kick opiates immediately

maybe you would just be able to get a new apartment and lie to your dad. I see your problems getting worse, so being able to hide from them won't help.

I don't know what your dad is like or what your relationship is like with him. If your dad is not a total asshole and is trying to help you (e.g., he's someone you can turn to for help) you could tell him that you have been using. maybe you can move in with him or another relative temporarily while you go into an outpatient rehab program.

I admit that I don't know very much about opiates. I've known a number of people that tried opiates. they all swore they would never become addicts. but they all did.

maybe some people can use a little and not become addicts, but I don't think you fit into that category.

people who use, are against using, or who used to use opiates will probably disagree on a lot of things.

there seems to be a consensus though that if you let shit get out of control, you can easily end up in nightmare hell.

your use seems to be relatively light now. it's never going to get easier to quit.

whatever you decide to do, I hope that things work out

 

idk. Ive only observed him fucking up a few times.. there are many fuck ups here with way more fuck up points than he got.. just saying..

 

:elf:

 

Sadly, Ive got a few obits to prove it too..

 

Yeah roorshack you do kinda have a point, i am not very responsible when it comes down to it, I dont think drugs really make that worse at all, just defiinately does'nt help.
Theres no use saing anything to my roommates. They said this is the last straw. That other time i said i was getting kicked out.. Never happened. They had given me another chance. But yeah.
My dad suffers from depression, and this would add a LOT of stress to his life. I dont want to add more stress to his life that will kill him faster if anything. So yeah the truth will onluy hurt him in this case.
I smoke that stuff like once a week if im lucky, everybody is starting to call me an addict, i really dont give a fuck what people label me, like if I was gay go ahead and call me a fag but fuck you lol. I actually have a few friends who shoot up. I know what addiction is. People see some burnt foi they are all just like ADDICT!! JUNKIEE lol. Fuckem.
Lol what do you mean by fuck up points orison? Am i winning?
Oh and thank you e7m8

 

y'all are so nice.

but someone up there had a point. if a drug causes you to get kicked out, you should probably take a break from it until your life gets back on track. don't use it as a necessary vice. good luck!

 

Well, what's done is done. And since you say they have already given you a "last chance", consider that bridge burned. Nothing to do but find new housing. That's kind of hard to do with 3 days notice. Do you have a job and enough money set aside to be able to get your own place? That can be expensive. If not, you need to either find a friend or family member to move in with or check into a shelter until you can get on your feet. And get off the meth.

 

FD, why don't you just try to live "clean" and whatnot?

Stop worrying so much about fun, stop hanging out with people who shoot up. Right now you don't sound to have a physical addiction, keep it that way and kick the shit.

You lose nothing by staying clean, it's not like you can't decide it's not for you later, you can always take MORE drugs, the problem is when you're in a situation where you wish you'd taken LESS drugs.

Get a job and take it seriously, put in overtime, save money, get your own place, car, whatever else. You just might like it.

Also, remember that thread where we all told OP to throw out the morphine, and you where like "why would you do that?"? Well, this is why we would tell them to just throw it out.

 

if you're only smoking once a week or less, you're probably not spending too much money on it. probably not too many or any effects on your health or functioning. if you just stayed at your current level forever, it probably wouldn't be a big problem

the problem is that no one ever really plans to become an addict. and no one every really sees it coming. maybe there are people who are in full-on self-destruct mode and go strait into shooting, but everyone I've known has started out smoking

the last time I talked to one friend in particular, he was at the place where you are now. he was just occasionally smoking. one of his roommates came to him one night, smoked a joint with him, and then said "dude, we had a meeting about you, and we decided that you have to leave".

he swore that he would never shoot. said that he couldn't stand needles, couldn't stand the sight of blood. eventually, he ended up shooting.

so I've known 4 people who started out either snorting or smoking heroin. all of them swore they would never be addicts and would never shoot. they all did.

maybe there are some people that just smoke once a week, and just stay once-a-week smokers for the rest of their lives, but I've never heard of anyone like that. so far, 100% of the people I've known who are at where you are at now end up shooting.

the problem isn't where you are at now, it's where you are going to end up. it could be that 100% of the people who are at where you are now end up shooting unless they are able to quit. in other words, it's reasonable to expect that you going to either quit or end up using more and more over time.

telling your dad would probably add some stress to his life. probably not that much though. maybe if you told him and lived with him while doing rehab, you could even bond a little or something.

the thing that's going to kill him is if you become a full-blown addict or OD

you have a low level habit right now, but that low level habit is the launching pad that every full-blown addict was once at. it may be getting it's hooks into you in a way that you can't see.

if you can go for 30 days without using, without craving it while not using, then the notion that you are not addicted yet will have more credibility.

if you can't go for 30 days without craving it, even if you don't use for 30 days, then I would say it's already starting to get a grip on you. if you've already started to crave, the cravings will almost certainly get bigger over time.

also, I think having a family history of depression will put you in a high risk category for addiction

you're welcome

 

I say get a decent pipe. I've never understood that about hard drug users... I don't know what it is you're smoking but I could almost guarantee that they make SOMETHING better than friggin foil and beer cans!

Other than that, pull your boots up and man up about what you're doing. Or stop doing it. If you're doing something that you have to hide from loved ones then you need not carry on doing them.

 

I would suggest you that look at places to stay short term until you can find something more permanent. There may be facilities that can help you for a bit or even emergency services that could.

If there is any chance that your family could find out, tell them yourself as it will be a lot easier to deal with coming from you rather than someone with a bitch against you.

I really hope you find some place soon and that you get your life going in the direction that it needs to for you to be safe and in control.

 

Nah my dad is supporting me, i do need a job, and am actively looking. If my dad finds out he will not support me at all, which is the other half of the reason he can't know. Yeah even if I had the money myself, finding a place is hard as fuck around here. At least I got one housing interview so far.. I dont have any friends or family members I can stay with, sadly enough.
I did meth earlier this week, it was awesome but obviously not the time to do it again anytime soon.

Life is for FUN. The friends I have that shoot up they were my friends since like 6th grade before they started that shit.
I was clean like 8 months straight, you cannot say i lost nothing. I lost my soul during that time, like my life was being wasted away. I learned the hard way that being sober is not worth it kids lol.
The second part of your post i definitely agree with though, I do want a job, i do want to save money and all that other shit, just that my motivation is shit
Not like i want to work either, i obviously just want money. Unless its a fun job, but dream onn right lol.

 

Yeah I know, I hear the same story all the time dude. I know how dangerously addicting it is, tbh thats part of the fun for me haha. Nah but ive been doing it like 3 or 3 years now, and it really is as simple as just "not wanting to ever try a shot." You watch junkies struggle and try and find a vein, just looking like death, badmouthing themselves almost crying in shame, you look at the needle in their arm and just go "goddamn glad i never tried that" lol.
Yeah i actually have a few friends who strictly smoke it, one of em has been doing for 5-6 years now.
I am semi- addicted for sure, I dont think i am any more addicted to it than I am with weed. Somebody comes over with weed and/or beer, i am pretty much just as greatful as id be if it were black.
No offence, but you dont know my dad. He is a fucking worry wort id call him a lot. Last time i told him i did the stuff, I have never seen a more disappointed look in my life that he gave me for a consistent few days afterwards. I could tell he was at maximum stress and worry about me. Not a look I ever want to see again.
Not saying im definately not gonna ever be a full addict, but you have to be EXTREMELY CAREFUL when fucking with hard drugs.
If i have all the beer and weed I want during those 30 days, and maybe a couple other mystery drugs, then i could give a fuck less about black tar or any other opiates I swear. All I care about is being on something that makes me feel dope, thats the bottom line.

 

Umm i dont think they have pipes for what im smoking... It is best off of foil its way fun too. People use the beer cans for stirring up their shots but i dont know if thats what you are talking about.
Yeah, you do have a point. Just the way i see it, soo many people are misinformed and brainwashed about these kind of things and are just plain out ignorant in my eyes, like if they know that you have done it lately, treat you like an ADDICT lol. No matter what you say or do you cant change a 65 year old mans opinion about that.

 

Umm what your doing is free basing, no? There are a plethora of free base pipes out there. Not only is it more efficient that just using the foil, but tin foil deals havoc on your lungs.



But this is really out of my territory, so I could quite possibly be wrong.

 

honestly idk i have never heard of smoking black with a pipe..
This is the opiate section... Anyone?

 

I see no reason you couldn't use a freebase type pipe, for heroin. It has a bowl designed to hold liquid (although generally, methamphetamine, for that globe type). You couldn't use the standard crackpipe that's just a tube, though, you'd need a meth pipe.

Anyways, if you're always on drugs.... you don't KNOW what life's about. Life's about the pure inherent psychedelia of being alive.... you can't enjoy being sober because you're doing, and obviously more than once weekly as you said (foil in every pocket?), sleepy stupid drugs, it changes your mindset. And that's why you don't have motovation, you're doing sleepy stupid drugs. If you can push yourself to start exercising, that can be a big part of mental health and motovation.

As for friends, you don't have to cut them entirely off, but you have to cut losers out of your life to the point that they're not changing your behavior. It doesn't matter if you've known a loser since 6th grade, you still need to not let them influence you.

You don't need rehab, you need growing up. And you're not going to manage it without being clean, because of your drug use habits.

 

You see, at this point, why is anybody even bothering?

Your just one of those that has to get hit upside the head a few times before you learn.

Just because you haven't done something in a while doesn't mean you aren't addicted.
I haven't had a cigarette in about 8 years, but I'm still addicted to nicotine and crave it regularly.

 

Well, I agree that life should be fun. But the fun should be a part of life in general, not an end in itself. Does that make any sense? I guess what I'm trying to say is everything has it's place, and everything in moderation. I'm seeing the self-destruction of a guy I know right now due to crack, and believe me it isn't pretty. But now I understand why you don't want your dad to find out. But believe me, if you get a job and can support yourself you'll feel 100 times better. Try it and you'll see. The fact of him supporting you gives him a weapon he can use against you any time he wants.