I hate my mother

I don't think anybody should feel guilty about what they do or don't feel. It's not like we sit down and decide how or what we're going to feel about somebody.

I never felt much of anything when my mother died. I was a little uncomfortable with that until I realised, "Hey, we were strangers"--I mean we spent a standard amount of time together as I was growing up, maybe a little more, but she wouldn't let anybody know her and she never showed much interest in getting to know me.

Personally I think expecting certain feelings to go along with having blood relations to someone is kind of primitive.

 

I hate my father, he constantly asks me inane questions, has taken 9 baths in 20 years, yells at and hurts anything he percieves as weaker than himself, threatened to hurt my mother (even though he is a weak old man in a wheelchair with a colostomy) he lies, steals and makes advances at women other than my mother veild as jokes, I didn't find out until I was in my teens that he had been married before my mother and the only reason I found out then is that my sister overheard him telling the drunken pastors daughter, there is far more (far far more) but I will not list it here, I have on more than one occasion had to use all of the fibres of my will to withold myself from destroying him either directly, indirectly, physically or mentally.

 

Wow. Those are some pretty BIG assumptions. I'm not condoning people hating their parents. I'm fully aware that most kids who bitch about their parents are just doing it for attention and rebeling against a little authority.

I'm getting a little fed up your high and mighty attitude about some things you have NO IDEA ABOUT. Especially after stating that some people here "make you sick."

I'd like some proof of that. Because I have seen and heard alot of stuff contrary to that belief. Just because two people have sex and create a child does NOT automatically make them better people. I see you had no response to the mother in Florida I mentioned. Would you call that doing the best she could? There was a story locally here in Ohio from a few months ago. Two parents were partying in their apartment, and had their infant sleeping on their bed. The child rolled off of the bed and onto a heater. Sadly, the child died after it's parents discovered the burnt body HOURS later. There's no doubt that while it was being burnt to death that it cried and screamed.

I'm sorry to say, but your own personal experience is just that. Your experience. I'm truly sorry for your loss. Just be thankful though that you feel that way after your mother's passing. Some people unfortunately do not feel that way after a parent's death. And sadly enough sometimes I feel they have the right to feel that way.

To believe that every parent is worthy of respect is bullshit. Just like everyone else in this world, they have to earn respect. And I know that there are plenty of parents out there who have done nothing to earn that respect. But, according to you, just since they had sex and created a child, they need to be respected.

Most kids do not learn the true meaning of what their parents are trying to do until they've gained a little maturity and insight. Some kids don't need it. Some parents are bad parents, and even worse people.

The issue here isn't about losing a parent. Hell, some kids have already lost their parents. They just don't come around anymore. Are these parents to be respected, also? That includes fathers AND mothers?

Before applying your blanket train of thought on this one, step out from behind yourself and look at situations other than yours. It would be best to do that before you start bitching at people and looking down on them. Because hopefully the next time that happens you're not going to be able to say much more after your foot gets stuck in your mouth.

 

Oh I don't KNOW? Did you not read my post??? And yeah...people who sit there and complain about their parents, DO make me sick. It's MY OPINION. I AM allowed to express them...JUST LIKE YOU ARE! And I'm NOT being high and mighty, by the way. But think what you want. This is just something I feel really strongly about. And funny thing is, hun...if you've read any of my posts before, you'll realize a lot of things. But base your opinion on me on ONE post and see where that gets you.

Maybe kids should think about what it would be like to NOT have a parent. That's what I'm trying to get across. I'm just really tired of ungrateful kids who don't know what they have in their life, sitting there and complaining about their parents who have PROBABLY done nothing more than try to protect them from hurt. I would hope that kids can learn from people who have already experienced it, so maybe then they can appreciate it before it's too late.

I guess I just have a different opinion on this than you do. I think it's important that if someone raises you and cares for you and puts food in your belly, clothes on your back, and a roof over your head, they deserve respect. Call me crazy...

I never said that was the issue. I was just giving my own personal experience as an example. I'm saying "Think if you lost your parent, how would you feel?" THAT'S what I'm saying...whoops...look who is assuming now???

First, I don't think I've stuck my foot in my mouth. And I don't know if you've not read through the thread but the original poster said she was just mad at her mother and she really doesn't hate her...THIS is what i mean about young people just sitting around and complaining about thier parents. Most kids in here, obviously have a pretty good home life...ones that aren't like the one you posted about the couple who let their baby burn to death. SO, that being said, I'm pretty sure that most of these kids in here complaining are just whining because they aren't getting what they want from their parents.

I think it might be the generation they've grown up in. Many sociological studies have been done...bascially, this generation has been handed everything and they think that everyone owes them something. It's about time they get a reality check. They are just being ungrateful whiners. Flame me all you want, it's just my opinion.

 

if I lived in the 1800's or the 1670's or shit even the 1960's at my current age I could deal with not having parents, the first few weeks there it'd suck to adjust between immune system responses and shit but afterwards I'd be set

Meanwhile I'm stuck in the most crippling time and place in history

and as soon as I feel adequatly prepared I'm leaving here on my thumb or what will then be my bus

 

If there is a higher power who wants to judge his creation I think he/she/it would look at everything in context. Just because a person aided in your conception doesn't make them a good person.


My Mother has been dead for twelve years, my father may as well be dead because he puts forth no effort what so ever to maintaine a relationship with me.
In an ideal world, a mother's love is nothing that can be compared to. Even though my Mother put me through emotional turmoil and sometimes in position to be harmed physically, I can never imagine saying I hate her for that. I have a huge whole in my heart that will never be filled, so I do know what you mean. I cringe when I hear a person say they "hate" their mother/father.

But at the same time, you never know what people are have to deal with. And in most cases if a person makes you say you hate them, they did something really shitty. So I try not to past judgement if and when I hear it. Liek it was pointed out, everyone is not fit to raise children. And while you can recoginze a person did/does the best they can with what they have, you still have to honor your feelings and if hate is what you're feeling at the moment then so be it.

PeaceAttack,

Hurt people hurt people. This is how I've come to terms with my dads MIA-ness and my Mother's negligence. Try to sympathize and you might be able to eleviate some of the hate you feel for your mom. And counseling might not be a bad idea either.

 

Hello,

I agree a 100% with Dancer Annie on this topic..
me myself I can't hate my mother..because I never had one..
in 1948 my mother died at the birth of my younger brother..
I was only 2 years old..and I don't even remember 1 thing about her..
My dad couldn't cope and became an alcoholic..
but..I can tell you all..nobody..I repeat..nobody..
should say ONE bad word about my father..
He was a very good person at heart..
Some of us have to swallow lots of insults from parents..
but remember 1 thing..without YOUR parents..
you wouldn't be even here today on this HIP forum..
old tiger..

 

the reason you hate her is because you have not separated her from you. Learn to become self actualized, then you will feel sorry for her. Remember, your motivations are your own, and nothing she says can change them.

 

whoa.... well this is certainly some thread...

i dont know how you people just forgive your mothers like that... when i was scared that my dad raped me in my sleep, she told me that i was probably having sex with him the whole time however i only just realized now that it is wrong... she also still tells me to go and have sex with him...or asks me if he still gives me hickeys - she always takes these randoms jabs at me.

like okay i know that some of you have been through much worse (weddings, blabla) and that there are convincers out there , ready to say that its all okay and everything i mean... i find that to a certain degree there is a line that can be crossed. my mtoher has done that a long time ago and i dont think i'll ever forgive her and if i do i wll wait atleast 1000 years. she's made me do everything myself since the age of 8 and she's abused me and everything along with those numerous things she's said about my dad.

i dont give a shit if she lets me stay in her house she blames me all the time and says that i make her poor but she isnt even paying for my school year or any of my clothes or accessories. its because she has no logic. every every night she gets stoned and wastes away all her money on mary jane... its gotten to a point where im sick of her and no matter how hard she tries im not gonna forgive her..

i just hope that one day i'll actually look back at where i am now and be happy... sure you girls/guys have gone through it all but im not convinced until it happens.

 

oh Nisha I wish you didn't have to go through that. *long-distance hug*

After experiences like that (I was raped, and I've also let someone abuse me again and again, as well as hurting myself) I find it is more about forgiving me for the intense hatred for myself that I lived with for so long. I remember hating myself so fully and whole-heartedly that I tried to distract myself with inflicting more mechanical physical pain on myself. And that is a lot closer to home than someone else hurting me.

 

I can see how that would make you feel terrible: your own mother was mean to you, but you still love her very much. You would hate people that were mean for you, but you won't allow yourself to hate your mother, because the mother part makes her that much more lovable. When other people say that its okay to hate their mothers, you feel that as an insult\threat to your love of her.

Yes, they did. Nobody chose to be in this world. Everybody wants to be in a world where they feel happy and loved. Nobody wants to be in a world where they feel like crap.

Have you ever felt hateful toward her, though?

I can see how yelling "I hate you!" at somebody in a heated conversation is disrespectful. I can't see how being honest about you feel about somebody to somebody else, or even to that person (if you know they won't freak out the way these kinds of mothers tend to do), can possibly be disrespectful.
I don't see what gratefulness has to do with anything. Nobody asks to be put into this world. Everybody has negative emotions. Everybody owes the world not to cause harm to others.

Yeah, we grow inside her and are programmed to love her when we're little, but when they act in a way that we feel hurt\controlled\hated\belittled\attacked, we hate them. Hate is nature's way of making sure that when somebody's hurting you, you stop the problem of them hurting you.

 

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