i have to do something horrible

A body like that ? :drool5:

 

What's the difference? You're citing self-consciousness about your body as the reason why buying a swimsuit is a horrible thing.

 

*gasps in horror* What is so horrible about buying a swimsuit?!

Okay, wait. You're a guy. I'll cut you some slack.

Seriously though, most women, no matter what size they are, aren't satisfied with their figure, and a bathing suit magnifies all those insecurities.

I found this story that made me laugh...


When I was a child in the 1970s the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job. Today’s stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice - she can either go to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney’s Fantasia

OR

She can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.

The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, “Oh, there you are”‘ she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn’t so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an over-sized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan’s Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day. I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.

I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally, I found a suit that fit…a two-piece affair with a shorts style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got home, I found a label which read – ‘Material might become transparent in water.’

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I’m there too, I’ll be the one in cut off jeans and a t-shirt!

 

come over and go swimsuit shopping with me... you seem to think it should be a piece of cake.. so maybe you have some magical secret i don't.

 

I'd really like to go to that pink beach in Italy. You know, women only beach. Its not a bad idea.

 

THAT SUCKS!

I haven't purchased a swim suit for 4 years.... they never fit me right.

 

about being naked... i've been to nudist resorts and beaches and swimming holes.. it's very freeing and comfortable to be around a bunch of other naked people... sorts levels the playing field... but with a swimsuit... it's like i'm hiding something.. so it just gets weird and complicated.

 

no, yours is better. i meant that beady bracelet thing.

 

I think I see what you're saying. But you could also just "let it all hang out" with a swimsuit on.

It makes no difference. Why don't you buy a swimsuit that fits you imperfectly on purpose?

We love women that don't give a fuck.

 

And we love you, too.
:cheers2: to your posts

oh, and to the OP:
insecurity can be crippling. i speak from past experience. just get over it.

 

rep the man, yo!

 

i've had enough swimsuits that have fit me horrible in the past already.

the last suit i had.. i loved.. i used to wear the top half like a shirt it was so comfy. maybe i could just buy material and make my own...

 

And yet, here you are! Alive and strong! Enjoy!

 

Remind me to rep that !

 

i think boogs would be cute in a swimsuit, but youre right about one thing, ya might have to do some trimmin.

 

:cheers2:

But, in Boogah's defense --- self-consciousness is something we all constantly need to "get over." And the way to get over it, is practice. She has a good opportunity to practice getting over it with her next purchase. I wish I was present.

 

reminded.

someone wants to see boogah in a bikini...

 

I meant in spirit.

 

i meant me.

 

I love it that you're so obedient.




Now send me money to buy that yellow bikini.