i KNOW i was raped once but tell me...was THIS rape too.... or not...

With love and respect it was not rape as he asked and you were awake and you did not say no. If you had of and he had of done so then, yes, it would have been a violation of you.

You made a bad decision by not saying no out of hurt, anger and confusion and damn it too much crap in your system that threw you into an emotional state that brought you to that point. He did not rape you but simply followed up on a weak no. A real no would of been to remove yourself from that situation when it was a tentative would you like to play.

The reason you did not say you consider it rape is most logically as you already know it was a lapse in judgement as opposed to a forced encounter. One that you live with and one that is difficult to live with, granted. Given that you held power in that situation as before he did penetrate and you were feigned sleep you could of voiced an assertive no.

Wishing you peace with this for you and it is time to let go of the bad decision that you made at that time as it is done and nothing changes what is done.

We live, we learn and that is part of life.

 

www.hookedonphonics.com

 

Since when is saying nothing considered "yes i want to have sex with you" ?

 

okay, why did i eventually lay there, pretending i was asleep and wishing i was dead.... after saying no OVER AND OVER again????? because i was so fucking depressed....and i just shut my eyes and tuned out. its something i used to do a lot in my younger years.... when bad things were happening.- just mentally remove myself from the situation.


i still do that now and again....

 

Interval, I am wishing you peace with that. It is not judgement but a wish for inner understanding of what was and what was your responsibility in it. Nothing more and nothing less, nor any judgement on that.

You can not pretend or ignore your last chance to say no and then question if it was a violation on one persons part without implied consent.

You stated it was a mixed up time in your life and given that, it is time to forgive you for the error also. You had a lapse of judgement and it is time for you to let that go and to forgive you for it, as it hurts and haunts you.

No judgement but also no call to arms over something that you could of stopped.

It is time in your life to stop just blocking and blanking what is not ok with you as you deserve better for you.

You are a good person and until you treat you as what you really are then no one else is going to.....

With love, I wish you peace and a harmony with the past as it will heal you now and shape your future.

Do not shoot the messenger, instead sit with the message.

You are worth more and deserve the freedom to forgive you for what you have encountered rather than keep it as a cloak.

Peace and light and inner harmony is my wish for you.

 

well, thanks. i apprieciatte it.

i wasnt saying it was or wasnt rape. it's actually kinda a grey area.... my story.

however, i do not think he was RIGHT. morally.

and once again, thanks.

 

Take care of you and allow a little light to heal you. It is there, if you reach for it.

Time to get off the merry go round and stop riding the pony and instead reach for the brass ring that you deserve.

Peace and light and love to you and heal, as it will bring you that brass ring.

 

of course whether u were asleep or not dont matter u never said yes right?? to me that would make it rape but what the hell im just one person if he's asked over and over and u kept saying know lets just say perhaps u did actually go to sleep and he fucked u then it would be rape then too right since he asked u said know went to sleep and still he did it anyway just bc u were awake dont mean nothing like i said im just one person though

 

When i was 15 drunk and a virgin i went in the woods late at night with this drunk older guy i barely knew.......he told me he wanted to fuck i said no that i was afrid. he told me to lay down i did i kept saying no and put my hands on his chest to get him off me once he was in and broke me i gave up because i was scared.it took me several years to realize that was called rape... i thought rape was sceaming yelling fighting tooth and nail to get the guy off. i didnt do that but i did say no..... just like you did. it is called rape


karma got this guy for all the shitty things he had done in his life(i wasnt the only rape by him). he died in a drunk driving accident a few years back

 

well, exactly....and honestly, i was mentally disturbed and went into my head because of all my probs.- i never told that fuck head "yes".

and even if it wasnt rape... i KNOW it is a grey area... i hope karma comes back and bites him in the ass....

 

thanks crystal.

that's funny we both mentioned karma.... and even though im not happy to hear that anyone has died... it still makes you wonder. ya know?

 

ya i mean im not glad he died but it seems his time was up.it was just odd how it happened

 

well, i mean, as harsh as it can seem....life works in funny ways.

 

Heat, she SAID NO, more than TEN times! Can you read?

blah blah blah

A "real" no, is saying NO, which Interval did. A "real" no is also NOT giving consent, Interval didn't give consent. How hard is that to understand. A lot of womyn who have been abused "shut down" when they are in danger, it is a defense mechanism. Just telling her to "let go" of a learned mechanism won't make it better. Read the first post, OKAY?

The womyn was raped. Plain and simple.

 

I do read very well, thank you. I also usually sit and think about what I have read and then read it again to make sure I have all the relevant information provided. The rethink before I post. I also take into consideration all views and make a point of not putting down anyone for what they think.

Maggie I am not going to debate this with you as it could and will hurt a person that I have no desire to hurt in all of this. This is not a thread about a hypothetical situation or person that we do not know and because of that I will not debate it as if it were.

While offering support and understanding about a situation it does not mean that you also over look certain points that were stated....thus I do read well and the final no in some cases is the most important no. Understanding how it happened and having compassion for a situation does not mean that anyone can abdicate personal responsibility either.

With respect to you, I would be more than willing to debate this with you on another thread but not on this one. I hope you can understand why as I only wish healing on this one. Even with conditioned responses and patterns there still must be healing and understanding for anyone or they do not resolve issues.

That is in my opinion is what is important, that there is healing for Interval.

Not my opinion or yours.

I submit this to you with respect and with compassion for the original poster.

 

You were definitly taken advantage of, and you were probably afraid what would happen to you if you resisted. I'm sure you must have felt much fear and hopelessness at the time.

I'm sorry that you were put in such a bad situation. The fact that your "boyfriend" went along with this angers me even more.

I truly feel sorry for you honey...

Much love and hugs to you...

 

Rape is the unwanted sexual advance of another. You told him no, and he did so anyway when he thought you were asleep. That's called rape.

On to something semi-related to this. You make a lot of bad personal choices. I understand you didn't have much option at the time, but I'm almost willing to bet you put yourself in the position to need that place to stay originally. Not to sound like an ass because you know I love you to death, but you do a lot of this to yourself. It's bad that people take advantage of you, but it's even worse that you know it happens, when it happens, and the basic cause, but you keep doing it to yourself. It's almost as if alcohol is your excuse for the mistakes in your life but you choose to stay with it. As sad as it makes me to see you down and taken advantage of, I have no pity for self inflicted wounds.

 

hmmm well, adam. thanks. and i do mean that. you're right.

 

Don't thank me. I've done nothing for you unless you actually take those words to heart and do something to get yourself out of this rut before it's too late.

 

id say if it wasnt consentual and you were not in your right mind state tehn yeah. YOu obviously told him eno he should have bcked off. as far as he knew you said no you were fucked up and sleeping...so uhh yes