I need some help here ......

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by WynterFrost, Jan 30, 2006.

  1. busmama

    busmama go away

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    I moved out at 17, got pregnant at 18 and lived with my partner. He has always taken good care of me, and I of him. It hasn't always been easy, but it worked for us. You may have to tolerate not always seeing your partner alot but then again maybe you will. We even traveled for two years in a bus, living just fine. Now we have another house and I decided to go back to school.

    It sounds like you are in an abusive situation, and since I don't know how bad that may be, I guess I can't tell you what is right. As long as you know that it is hard and you may have to do without things you may want, you both will have to work hard. and most important break the cycle of abuse. I hope maybe you can find someone to talk to about your situation who can help you to spot patterns and give your children a better hame than you had.
    Blessings
     
  2. busmama

    busmama go away

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    Oops posted twice!
     
  3. WynterFrost

    WynterFrost Short Bus Rider

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    I talked to my illinois youth service counciler and yes i can in fact move out at seventeen if anyone looked at what i said I had consent. And i have alot of thought into and i just wanna flipout on the person who said that my bf could be abusive I mean wtf he has treated me better than anyone ever!
     
  4. homeschoolmama

    homeschoolmama Senior Member

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    ...but you need more than consent. You need emancipation if you are under 18. If your mom is willing to sign, it's perfectly easy to obtain the forms through any government center.
    love,
    mom
     
  5. HippyFreek2004

    HippyFreek2004 changed screen name

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    Hon, we've only assumed those things based on the meager information you've given us and our previous experiences as well as the experiences of people we know and love.

    We're not trying to seem harsh or come across as knowing more than we do, but you have to give us more information to go on so we can make judgements and give advice based more thoroughly on YOUR situation.

    And as far as consent and everything, read Maggie's posts again. She's saying that counselours telling you that you can move out and parents willing to let you doesn't mean that you can. Those people are wrong. They could face jail time (if I read those laws correctly).

    Hon, be careful in the choices you make now. We've all been there. We've all thought those thoughts and contemplated those decisions. Hell, some of us have made those decisions. But in the end, we've realised that things could have gone smoother if we hadn't done things the way we did. We could have done better, had more opportunity. We are offering up our mess-ups and wrong decisions as a guide to show you that these decisions have been made before with the same thoughts and intentions with consequences more far-reaching than we were willing to see at the time. Your future is not something to play around with lightly.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

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    Thank you, homeschoolmama. You speak the truth.

    Wynter, did you READ the laws I posted? No counselor is above those laws. THOSE are the laws in the state of Illinois. No agent with DCFS or even a psychologist can simply ignore those laws because you have an "OK" from the people who should be taking care of you. With Emancipation, yes, you can do it. But with Emancipation, you also have to prove you can support yourself, and stay in school. Most teens who apply for Emacipation are turned down (you still have to pay your lawyer, even if the judge says 'No." to your being Emancipated.) Maybe the counselor is talking about Emancipation. But, you will most likely need a lawyer for this process, which is expensive.

    *sigh* I am sorry you are in an abusive enviroment. But, you seem to want to be true what you want to be true. I would hate for you to find out the really hard way. But, that is the way some people learn. Some people, it is the only way they learn. I hate to see a life thrown away.

    I hope you can talk to DCFS and get some money for school and maybe get into a group home or a SAFE foster home. Oh, honey, I feel like I am beating my head against a wall. I thought my children were hard headed. Please, read the laws, it may make the difference between going about this the right way and your ending up in a group home, or home for delinquent minors against your will. And I would not like to see that happen to any child.

    Good luck.
     
  7. homeschoolmama

    homeschoolmama Senior Member

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    It's hard to see someone in a situation similar to my own, about to make the same choices I did. It hurts, really & truly, deep down in the pit of my stomach to think that someone else might have to learn all this the same way I did.

    Yeah, things worked out for me. But I got darn lucky. My boyfriend turned out to be the loving, stable & supportive husband I thought I'd seen in him. My church was kind enough to throw us a wedding shower and helped to outfit our home in a way we'd not have been able to for years to come. And my parents were gracious enough to forgive me for running away on them, and offered to co-sign on a newer home so we could escape the mice & rotting floors years before we had the credit to do so.

    Emancipation is a way to go. But yeah, you've gotta be ready for it... and the courts will MAKE you prove to them that you are. Even as a married adult, I had to fight for my papers. And the judge said at the time that while he was going to sign for them, it was against his better judgement.

    Wynterfrost, I don't want to see you upset. I swear I haven't said a word of this to upset you. But this is what happens. No, your situation is not the same as mine. I had loving parents that supported me; I didn't see it at the time, but they were there. But the plain & painful truth is that even when leaving home young works out, it is HARD. And things just don't turn out the way you think they're gonna.
    love,
    mom
     
  8. WynterFrost

    WynterFrost Short Bus Rider

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    Nope i only have one parents consent
     
  9. ydnim

    ydnim hiya

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    You ask for advice and became defensive the second you receive any. Without any solid knowledge of your home life I can only say it doesn't sound great. It seems like you already knew what you were going to do before you ever posted this thread asking for anything you should know. These mamas have walked in your shoes so don't be so quick to turn down everything they have to say without thought. I really hope everything does work out for you.
     
  10. WynterFrost

    WynterFrost Short Bus Rider

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    finally that did but yes i have made up my mind and i am going to do it i have a job and a place to stay with a cousin when i move out i will be attending college and still going to high school. My mother backs me and says its the best thing to do in my situation. I really didnt mean to get all defensive its just ive beengoing through a lot ever since i started to live with my father. Everything is becoming a train wreck with him.
     
  11. HippyFreek2004

    HippyFreek2004 changed screen name

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    ((((WynterFrost))))

    While I don't fully understand your situation and everything, I really hope you have the best going for you. And remember, if you need to talk about anything, PM me.
     
  12. WynterFrost

    WynterFrost Short Bus Rider

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    thank you :)
     
  13. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    and from what you hint at, you haven't much to compare that to.

    You want us to say
    oh what a great idea, you are such a smart girl.
    Well, you are not gonna get that.
    WAKE THE FUCK UP and listen to those who have walked that road!
    Grow up before you move out. And why not move in with mom on a partial rent (and therefore some freedom) basis?
    I 'd suggest brushing up on your spelling while you are at it. Filling out those service job applications can be tough.

    You really should listen to Maggie.
     
  14. WynterFrost

    WynterFrost Short Bus Rider

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    I have listen to alot of people
    Who are you to tell me to grow up?
    Already lived with mom cant go back.
    Already have a job I work at Subway.
    And last but not least I have a learning disorder and that was extremly rude of you attacking the way i spell that was tottally off subject that was not needed to be brought up. My father is 44 and still has a hard time spelling. Doesnt everyone? No body is perfect. The only reason why i had been pissed off was because you guys were saying things completely wrong about the situation saying i cant move out when im fact i can. Its already been set up i move in 2 months and 2 weeks.
    -now attack me agian why dont you-
     
  15. homeschoolmama

    homeschoolmama Senior Member

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    Einstein had a learning disorder too. So did Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison, Pierre Curie, John Lennon, Hans Christian Anderson, Agatha Christie, Henry Ford, Walt Disney, and Leonardo DaVinci. And so does Orlando Bloom, Tom Cruise, Whoopi Goldberg, and Robin Williams.


    I don't see any of these people making excuses. And no, not everyone has troubles spelling. But even those who do have a spell-checker on their computer.
    love,
    mom
     
  16. WynterFrost

    WynterFrost Short Bus Rider

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    i move out tomorrow
     
  17. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

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    Oh, honey, Good luck to you. I hope you are safe, happy and are going to be OK.

    Blessings and prayers for your safety and health.

    Love and peace,

    Maggie
     

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