I really do want to kill myself....

Meds will help you mood swings...go see a doctor.
And yall should be careful when you discount these cries for help, or suicide threats. My friend is very dead and I think about what I might have done every day.

 

couldnt agree more

 

I'll let you have Vince Neil... as long as I get Tommy. Sorry. That didn't help did it? :/

 

being depressed and wanting to kill yourself are completely different. Everyone gets depressed every now and then, fine. Wanting to kill yourself is an act of selfishness and anyone who posts "i want to kill myself" on a forum is obviously driving for attention. I still stand by the fact that someone who is middle class...white...no real problems, has no reason at all to kill themselves unless there are things the poster didnt mention. I know some people cannot help the depression, (as my best friend tried many suicide attempts due to a depression he cannot help and eventually went insane) but most of these people are just looking for attention and when they do "try and kill themselves", they just take like 10 advil and have people worry over them.

 

Jesus christ, why is everyone all over this and no one jumps on xmudpuddle for her posts about suicidal feelings? Maybe this is true confessions and not an intervention, nor an opportunity to soap box about how people use the internet for drama.
JESUS
TAP
DANCING
CHRIST

 

The way I see it is:

If you want to kill yourself, have a good long thought about it.

And if you still feel like it's the right choice, go ahead, and hope that it WILL be the end for you.

 

What was the play about, I may read it if it sounds good/ has a meaningful ending.

 

Dont' do it! The people you know will be all hurt and upset! 10 yrs. ago my bother killed himself by shooting himself in the head. I'm still pissed at him for doing it! All us loved ones are hurt and upset. We still miss him! Don't do it!


Bustramp

 

i don't know...everything is relative. if you have witnessed starvation and genocide in africa and still fret over stupid crap, well then yes you are overreacting. but for someone who has never seen these things (most of us here) i think that things that are minor relative to that starving sudanese kid will be perceived as pretty devastating. just the way it is. i think a lot of depression and dissatisfaction can be overcome by exposure to the sort of terrible things you mention. but until that happens...

 

You give the worst advice I've ever seen. (well, besides the idiots who posted for her to go ahead and kill herself...)

Walk a day in this girl's shoes and perhaps you will experience her pain.

You dont know whats going on underneath the surface and being fortunate has nothing to do with depression. She could be suffering from a chemical imbalance.

 

The same thing happened to me, it started in my teens and then after 20 it became severe. It became so bad that I couldnt think straight and couldnt get out of bed sometimes. Days when I simply couldnt function. I'd have a few good days a month and feel like I was at the top, and then I'd hit bottom so hard I couldnt stand it.

Yeah we all do get depressed sometimes and things get us down. But if its a chemical imbalance, depression will happen regardless of the circumstances around us. And so then when bad things do happen, it just compounds the unbearable feelings. You will feel like you cant survive another day.

I battled the worst of it a couple years ago. and I know how hard it is when people are against you and things are going totally wrong and to have this crazy shit going on on the inside.... you ask yourself why am I alive? and you just want to die. I'd had depression for too many years and it had reached it's peak. I sought out treatment at a mental health clinic and after a while of diagnosis and talk therapy they treated me with Zoloft. The medicine helped balance out the swings, and the supportive counseling really helped. I had very few people to turn to or confide in, and so my counselor was an angel to me then... I was also basically kicked out of my parents home because I had chosen not to live their christian life anymore and instead I wanted to be open-minded and more like an agnostic.... they were also very against me getting treated for depression, they said it was "the devil" making me be depressed and they blamed it on the mental health clinic that I was choosing not to be a christian anymore, I guess they thought I was brainwashed (lol) ..... so anyways it resulted in me being kicked out of my home, so I was faced with a struggle to survive when I could barely take care of myself...... the medicine hadnt started working yet, I was at the epitomy of my depression and ... it was all too much for me. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I remember locking myself in the bathroom and crying uncontrollably ... my sisters were trying to talk to me through the door. And all that was spinning in my mind was the fight to stay alive... or not.

Because it is incredibly hard to think about facing life, and continue going on, when all you have ever known was sadness. When depression rarely ever lifted. And the years have only gotten worse. It makes one not want to live. It was about impossible for me to even imagine my life anymore because I couldnt see beyond the depression. And it was there in that bathroom sitting on the floor, falling apart, that I had to make a choice. A choice to live, a choice to believe that life could be better in spite of everything else Ive ever known. A choice to continue the treatment and see what the medicine could do. A choice to go against the uncontrollable desire to end it all.

InsaneJester is right about that. Because when it comes down to it it will be a choice. And I know how damn hard it is to make a choice and not be in my right mind. Not everyone is so lucky. Some choose death based upon how they feel.

One of the things my counselor had told me to do, was make a list, on paper preferably ... of ANYTHING that ever made me happy. Anything or anyone. Things I couldnt bear to leave behind. People who I cared about, and who would be so hurt I were to kill myself. etc etc. And she said to keep it on me at all times.. and if I were ever suicidal, that I would be able to refer to that list, and it would help me. She was right. I didnt have a list because I ddint ever write it. BUT I remembered what she said and I forced myself to think about the people who depended on me.... how hurt my family would be... I thought of my sisters, my niece, my cat, my talents, my dream of someday stepping out of the darkness and feeling alive....................
It was heartbreaking to choose to live. IT was bittersweet because alll I wanted was relief. I wanted to die. I didnt want to exist anymore. But thinking about those things helped me through that. And unknowingly I made a choice to not only survive, but to get better. I emerged from that bathroom determined. And I faced alot of struggle the next few months, waiting for the medicine to kick in, learning to do what I could to help myself.... I even used the anger I felt towards my parents (for misunderstanding me and kicking me out) and I channeled that energy to help me work when I didnt have the energy to work, so I would be able to get my own place...

well anyways I gained control of my life little by little. The medicine kicked in and helped balance thngs out. Unfortunately my counselor had an accident and didnt return to the clinic and the lady who replaced her just was no good at counseling me... I eventually stopped going. But I felt strong enough to go on without it then. I also discontinued the medicine, I was on it about a year. Will I ever need it again? Probably. But I know that there is help now and I know the darkness can lift. And if I ever find myself in that spot again I know what to do.

Its funny though. I dont think about it anymore. I rarely feel depressed now unless something makes me sad. And I know that that is not the same kind of depression. I felt so alive after being treated. I have gone on living and doing better than ever. The darkness lifted.


Well............................ I just made a huge post. And sorry people. If you dont want to read it, just overlook it. But I know that it helps people suffering with depression to hear stories like this. It helps them to know that there are people who suffer with the same emotions. It helps to know there is relief outside suicide. It helps to know. It helps to know that people understand. It helps to know that there is a light at the end of that long dark tunnel. Most of all it helps to know that there IS hope.

Chemical depression is nothing to play with. If anyone is getting suicidal moods and cant snap out of that darkness, you need to quickly seek out some supportive counseling and quite possibly medical treatment. Dont let anyone stop you. Dont stop yourself. Dont keep suffering with it and telling yourself that its just you.

As my counselor said, "Its not you. Its the damn chemical imbalance!"


Peace...

 

wait until you turn old enough like anything after 50 years old when body parts starts to go out of warranty . in the mean time find a new friend who makes it worth while of being around "theres planty if you bother to look.

 

Go to a doctor. From what I've read, you are suffering from clinical depression, and there is help out there, but you have to be willing to go get it. Don't come to a forum full of cynical strangers looking for advice on how to feel better, the best thing you can do is get yourself to a doctor and do it now. We can't help you, but a doctor may be able to. Any MD can prescribe anti-depressants, and you could just go to a family doctor for a diagnosis and prescription.

 

So do I. Today I'm really considering it.